Venting New diary: Entry number 4

[LilyLaroux2000]

One cannot simply stay awake without sleeping

Entry number 4

You know. I had a really great start of yesterday. It didnt really turn all that bad as well, just a little inconvient.

But that snowball is growing bigger.

That small inconvient turned into something that could kill.





I will just briefly say what happened till now.
I got to the dorms ready for bed. But my two friends had other plans. I had to go along with them, because one of them is a really dear friend of mine.
Turned out they were going to drink- I hoewer found out why. My dear friend will go to a psych ward shortly. And that friend. Lets call him S is not yet an adult so hes going into the kids psych ward. Im sure many of you know how absolutely aweful those facilities are.

So I drank with them and almost cried scared for S.


When I got back to the dorms, I was rather drunk - like I dont have a high tolerance so yeah I almost vomitted - I still have no idea how did I not.

My night was absolutely unexpectedly terrible. I felt like my head is going to snap and open on itself from how bad my headache was. And I thought that Im going to puke my organs out while the world was spinning even when I had my eyes closed.

I slept for one hour that night.


Now its 8:30 am and Im sitting in class again. Absolutely not ready for the day. I didnt do my homeworks again and I didnt study again.
I feel like my life is falling apart, yet again.
There are 10 classes of school today.
I dont know if Im lucky or unlucky to not have my around 100 pills with me.
They are my plan on ctb if I ever had to ctb. For whatever reason it may or may not be.
I dont care. Im still nauseus and my head still hurts.
I want help, or at least some sympathy.


People usually end up scolding me. Saing things like: dont be selfish, not everything is about you, you are the only person that can help you....

Yeah but I would apreciate some help from others. But I guess help is just a really hard thing to give and even harder to get.





Its strange how one minute I can feel happy and the next I can be absolute miserable.



I still dont really want to die right now. Even after all this. Even when Im disfunctional.

I need some advice.


I hope you sleep at least 8 hour a day. If not I advice you to try sleeping. I should take my advice I know and I will, I just need some time.


Im too tired for this


bye for now

 

[Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚]

Know that your friend WILL get out, they might not be better from it but they will get out. And for your homework, it would probably be best to catch up on it while they're away, you might be worried for them but you also don't want to fall too behind.

Also, we could totally study together if you'd like

 

[LilyLaroux2000]

Know that your friend WILL get out, they might not be better from it but they will get out. And for your homework, it would probably be best to catch up on it while they're away, you might be worried for them but you also don't want to fall too behind.

Also, we could totally study together if you'd like

Are you serius? You would study/work with me? TT that would be amazing honestly

 

[MidnightCat]

Hi Lily,

Sorry about your day, hope next one would be better.

About your friend S... I was in a psych ward as a minor, I don't remember fondly if I'm being honest... But they never mistreated me or anything along those lines. In fact, some of the things I learned helped me be able to literally be able to grow into an adult (kinda) instead of ending six feet under before my 18th anniversary.


Again, I did not like one bit being there.. but it kinda helped. So overall it was not that bad as I thought it'd be.

I hope S has a similar experience or even better than mine.

"It's strange how one minute I can feel happy and the next I can be absolute miserable."

I hope you don't take it as anything bad, but... Have you been diagnosed with BPD?

Fast changes in mood, especially when paired to the extremes of the espectrum is one of the most common thing between BPD's.

(It hit close to home, I've been diagnosed with BPD, so just wanted to ask, maybe it could help)

You should try and sleep a little, it'll help you feel better at least.

 

[LilyLaroux2000]

Hi Lily,

Sorry about your day, hope next one would be better.

About your friend S... I was in a psych ward as a minor, I don't remember fondly if I'm being honest... But they never mistreated me or anything along those lines. In fact, some of the things I learned helped me be able to literally be able to grow into an adult (kinda) instead of ending six feet under before my 18th anniversary.


Again, I did not like one bit being there.. but it kinda helped. So overall it was not that bad as I thought it'd be.

I hope S has a similar experience or even better than mine.

"It's strange how one minute I can feel happy and the next I can be absolute miserable."

I hope you don't take it as anything bad, but... Have you been diagnosed with BPD?

Fast changes in mood, especially when paired to the extremes of the espectrum is one of the most common thing between BPD's.

(It hit close to home, I've been diagnosed with BPD, so just wanted to ask, maybe it could help)

You should try and sleep a little, it'll help you feel better at least.

This has made me smile. ^^ Im so thankful for your kind words!
I have been to a psych ward as a minor as well but I avoided any threathent and just pretended I was good the whole time so I didnt know if it could help S. That comment has been really helpful!

And you have guessed right - I am diagnosted with BPD and a couple more things... Its rather difficult to live with all that. TT

Hi Lily,

Sorry about your day, hope next one would be better.

About your friend S... I was in a psych ward as a minor, I don't remember fondly if I'm being honest... But they never mistreated me or anything along those lines. In fact, some of the things I learned helped me be able to literally be able to grow into an adult (kinda) instead of ending six feet under before my 18th anniversary.


Again, I did not like one bit being there.. but it kinda helped. So overall it was not that bad as I thought it'd be.

I hope S has a similar experience or even better than mine.

"It's strange how one minute I can feel happy and the next I can be absolute miserable."

I hope you don't take it as anything bad, but... Have you been diagnosed with BPD?

Fast changes in mood, especially when paired to the extremes of the espectrum is one of the most common thing between BPD's.

(It hit close to home, I've been diagnosed with BPD, so just wanted to ask, maybe it could help)

You should try and sleep a little, it'll help you feel better at least.

This has made me smile. ^^ Im so thankful for your kind words!
I have been to a psych ward as a minor as well but I avoided any threathent and just pretended I was good the whole time so I didnt know if it could help S. That comment has been really helpful!

And you have guessed right - I am diagnosted with BPD and a couple more things... Its rather difficult to live with all that. TT

I will try sleeping when I get the chance to :D