new here, vent

[fadinggirl]

hi, im new here. im not sure if this is how u post. ive been lurking for a bit but i havent figured out how, unless this is it. im not really sure what else to say, ive been looking for a community like this for awhile. my friends and family have ostracized me for these struggles and ive had no one to talk to anymore, for awhile now. i feel a constant sense of urgency to CTB and my mind has been made up for awhile. ive had a couple weak, failed attempts resulting in hospitalization. i dont wanna half ass it, im scared of surviving and being under further supervision, im even more scared of surviving and getting injured in a way that completely ruins my quality of life more than it has been already. ive read about SN, and also N and CN but i dont know what the latter two are. SN seems ideal but im in such a rush. i wish there was a faster cheaper way. i wish something like hanging wasnt so painful, and i wish the less painful things werent so inaccessible. i wish you could have the support of your loved ones without that being such an inherently awful thing. it is so scary to have to do this all secretly and have no idea how to do it. im petrified things will get worse if i dont act fast (my life is very, very undesirable) but im scared acting fast will make things worse as well.

 

[AshClouds]

Hi and welcome and sorry you're here.

A lot of us came here because we can't really talk about it with people we know.
I also don't want to half ass any attempts and up in a worse situation than I am now.
I've also experienced ostracization too, so I know how that feels, and I know what you're going through.

There is nothing inherently wrong with who you are because of what you're going through.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also see it as undesirable to exist, I just find it so cruel how I cannot just have the option to simply cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again, I see so much cruelty in how it's so difficult to be free from this existence with painless death being made inaccessible, trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse suffering is also what I'd fear. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Alpenglow]

I'm sorry to hear, I hope we make things a bit easier for you. If talking would make you feel better, I'm sure we have people that'd be glad to talk with you. Otherwise I believe there was a method involving bags and a ratchet strap to put pressure on your carotid arteries to make you ctb, though I'm not familiar I can go look for the link if you can't find it, lmk.

Regardless I give you my best wishes and hope you feel better one way or another.

 

[LukaParrot]

If you have a chance to look for help, try at least. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I always want to remember people to at least try before CTB.

SN is the best choice, but requires to find proper sources to work. You dont want to rush, be sure, SN is almost for sure, a no-way back.

Think about the possibility of afterlife, if souls really exists, spiritism warms about suicide can lead a soul to go in deep dispair because you cant solve nothing anymore and can make you crazy in dispair. If there is nothing on other side, fine. I think a lot of these two possibilities, and I'm ready, I feel calm, like i'm at peace with my choice.

Dont CTB in a impulsive way.

 

[fadinggirl]

If you have a chance to look for help, try at least. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I always want to remember people to at least try before CTB.

SN is the best choice, but requires to find proper sources to work. You dont want to rush, be sure, SN is almost for sure, a no-way back.

Think about the possibility of afterlife, if souls really exists, spiritism warms about suicide can lead a soul to go in deep dispair because you cant solve nothing anymore and can make you crazy in dispair. If there is nothing on other side, fine. I think a lot of these two possibilities, and I'm ready, I feel calm, like i'm at peace with my choice.

Dont CTB in a impulsive way.

dont worry, ive gone the help route and it's definitely not impulsive. ive been in and out of long term treatment for around 14 years now. things just keep getting worse. most places where i live just tell me they dont think treatment will be beneficial anymore. im not interested anyway. i have very very bad ptsd and life consuming ocd. i cant do much in life and im too scared to anyway. i know everyone here has it tough, im not trying to wallow, i just feel the need to justify it all i guess.

 

[guineapiglover8503]

hi, im new here. im not sure if this is how u post. ive been lurking for a bit but i havent figured out how, unless this is it. im not really sure what else to say, ive been looking for a community like this for awhile. my friends and family have ostracized me for these struggles and ive had no one to talk to anymore, for awhile now. i feel a constant sense of urgency to CTB and my mind has been made up for awhile. ive had a couple weak, failed attempts resulting in hospitalization. i dont wanna half ass it, im scared of surviving and being under further supervision, im even more scared of surviving and getting injured in a way that completely ruins my quality of life more than it has been already. ive read about SN, and also N and CN but i dont know what the latter two are. SN seems ideal but im in such a rush. i wish there was a faster cheaper way. i wish something like hanging wasnt so painful, and i wish the less painful things werent so inaccessible. i wish you could have the support of your loved ones without that being such an inherently awful thing. it is so scary to have to do this all secretly and have no idea how to do it. im petrified things will get worse if i dont act fast (my life is very, very undesirable) but im scared acting fast will make things worse as well.

welcome, I am so sorry for that and if you ever want to talk, my dms are open <333

 

[LittleJem]

You put it all so well the situation we are forced into… I'm sorry for everything you have gone through and are going through. I hope you find the support you need in this community.

 

[EternalShore]

welcome to SS~ :) I'm sorry for the situation that has brought you here but hope you are able to find empathy from others with similarly poor situations that one can not find irl~ :)
Anyways, yup, there are quite a couple of methods! :) It's too bad that methods tend to trade off accessibility and painfulness, so no method can truly be better than the others~ :(

 

[fadinggirl]

You put it all so well the situation we are forced into… I'm sorry for everything you have gone through and are going through. I hope you find the support you need in this community.

thank u for saying so, im sorry for any and everything that mightve brought u here as well.

welcome to SS~ :) I'm sorry for the situation that has brought you here but hope you are able to find empathy from others with similarly poor situations that one can not find irl~ :)
Anyways, yup, there are quite a couple of methods! :) It's too bad that methods tend to trade off accessibility and painfulness, so no method can truly be better than the others~ :(

yeah exactly:(( i wish it were somehow socially acceptable. it feels like such a scam to be born without your permission and it just so happened to be in the version of society that most views death as taboo. a couple thousand years ago i couldve been an honoured sacrifice or something lmfao

I'm sorry to hear, I hope we make things a bit easier for you. If talking would make you feel better, I'm sure we have people that'd be glad to talk with you. Otherwise I believe there was a method involving bags and a ratchet strap to put pressure on your carotid arteries to make you ctb, though I'm not familiar I can go look for the link if you can't find it, lmk.

Regardless I give you my best wishes and hope you feel better one way or another.

the link might be helpful thank u:-) i know its not allowed here regardless but i never want anyone to feel like theyre encouraging me with anything. my mind is more than made up and its just nice to have a community and to be able to do it in a way that minimizes certain risks

Hi and welcome and sorry you're here.

A lot of us came here because we can't really talk about it with people we know.
I also don't want to half ass any attempts and up in a worse situation than I am now.
I've also experienced ostracization too, so I know how that feels, and I know what you're going through.

There is nothing inherently wrong with who you are because of what you're going through.

thanks for sayin so, its nice 2 feel heard and empathized with. i know a lot of us can relate 2 the same stuff