JamesMoonDerWater
Member
- Mar 21, 2025
- 27
I have discussed here in the forums the problems im facing rn that made me consider ctb'ing. Among the many, the main one by far is the fact that i had a single objective in life and i realized i'll never achieve it: being a game developer.
Today it was my 2nd appointment with my new therapist. Hes specialized in autistic adults (ABA therapy) and he seems genuienly good on what he does. On our first session (last week) he literally read me like the palm of his hand. Today (2nd session) i explained to him how i ended up in the situation im in rn, starting from my shit ass childhood, teenage years and now almost at 22 years of age and getting locked at my mom's for telling my past psychyatrist that i wanted to ctb. I explained to him how my whole infancy was so horrible and i found confort in video games and this evolved into developing games in my teens. But now as a young adult, working a 9 to 5 (actually an 8 to 6 in my country) has made me lost all hope that one day ill ever achieve my one goal of life.
What i got from this session was that at some point in my life i had the perfect conditions to create this objective/goal for myself. And all this means is that i could replicate it somehow with some other thing or interest of mine. Needless to say, i do think that is not happening.
(he actually tried to explain all that junk to me through an analogy about restaurant and foods and that was sorta on me for not telling that i dont fuck with analogies and shit)
My therapist also talked about a patient of his that was this woman who was an amazing professor. That was until she got pregnant and got to take care of her baby for some long time. She really got crazy over not doing what she was meant to do - lecturing. He told me that theres people who go crazy over not being able to do what their best at. I dont think its a stretch to say that id rather kms than to live without doing what i love.
To summarize, this session was just me yapping about myself and the nº1 problem in life rn (that being the fact ill never achieve my sole objective in life, being a game dev). Overall, i do think hes a good therapist as of now and he sorta reminds me of my first therapist which i stood with for about 5 years.
But in the end, i wish i didnt had this dream tbfr... i wish a had an every day dream like be rich, have a family, travel the world or something like that... Of all the thing, i chose the one that is just close enough to be desirable but not far enough for me to discard straight away, like being an astronaut or being a marine biologyst - the latter was actually a childhood dream, droped it after i turned 6 more or less. I have said it sometimes before, but i do really appreaciate yall and this forums, it really is a great place to vent and share experiences. Really makes you feel like your not alone in this world.
Today it was my 2nd appointment with my new therapist. Hes specialized in autistic adults (ABA therapy) and he seems genuienly good on what he does. On our first session (last week) he literally read me like the palm of his hand. Today (2nd session) i explained to him how i ended up in the situation im in rn, starting from my shit ass childhood, teenage years and now almost at 22 years of age and getting locked at my mom's for telling my past psychyatrist that i wanted to ctb. I explained to him how my whole infancy was so horrible and i found confort in video games and this evolved into developing games in my teens. But now as a young adult, working a 9 to 5 (actually an 8 to 6 in my country) has made me lost all hope that one day ill ever achieve my one goal of life.
What i got from this session was that at some point in my life i had the perfect conditions to create this objective/goal for myself. And all this means is that i could replicate it somehow with some other thing or interest of mine. Needless to say, i do think that is not happening.
(he actually tried to explain all that junk to me through an analogy about restaurant and foods and that was sorta on me for not telling that i dont fuck with analogies and shit)
My therapist also talked about a patient of his that was this woman who was an amazing professor. That was until she got pregnant and got to take care of her baby for some long time. She really got crazy over not doing what she was meant to do - lecturing. He told me that theres people who go crazy over not being able to do what their best at. I dont think its a stretch to say that id rather kms than to live without doing what i love.
To summarize, this session was just me yapping about myself and the nº1 problem in life rn (that being the fact ill never achieve my sole objective in life, being a game dev). Overall, i do think hes a good therapist as of now and he sorta reminds me of my first therapist which i stood with for about 5 years.
But in the end, i wish i didnt had this dream tbfr... i wish a had an every day dream like be rich, have a family, travel the world or something like that... Of all the thing, i chose the one that is just close enough to be desirable but not far enough for me to discard straight away, like being an astronaut or being a marine biologyst - the latter was actually a childhood dream, droped it after i turned 6 more or less. I have said it sometimes before, but i do really appreaciate yall and this forums, it really is a great place to vent and share experiences. Really makes you feel like your not alone in this world.
