Venting New therapist/provider

[homebound]

I have been seeing my current therapist for two years, my medication provider for three. I love the place I go to, and I really like my therapist and provider. I lost my medicaid this past year and had to get shitty insurance through my work. While they are "in-network," the way they bill my appointments doesn't allow it to be the copay for behavioral visits, so I have to reach my deductible first. The prices for the visits are more than a private practice would cost... I can't afford it. I had to switch my risperidone injection to the pill. I have a horrible time remembering to take my medications... it's bad enough I have to remember to take my morning ones, I barely remember to take my risperidone at night and its affecting me. I last saw my therapist and provider in September. I am running out of my medication refills soon. My insurance offers free visits with therapists and providers online but I am having so much anxiety over it... I hate starting over, I hate having to explain my life and everything I've been through. I have such a hard time talking to people over the phone. It feels so impersonal, and I've never felt safe enough to talk about it in my own space (at this point it's just a trauma response from my family - I don't live with them anymore but can't get over the feeling). I've had so many bad therapists, and to lose the good one I had is painful. I can't get over my anxiety to make the damn appointment... I am struggling having no one to talk to, and I know I don't have much longer until my refills will be over with. I want to give up... but I'm afraid for it to become bad again... I'm so frustrated, angry, and anxious.

 

[timf]

Sometimes when one looks into the future and see trouble, it can easy to forget having survived the trouble of the past. You were able to survive the past and come to a point where you felt good. It was not all the work of others that got you to the point where things were going well, it was you too.

Sometimes getting a handle on little things can also be helpful. For example if you were to put a hook on your front door at eye level and place your medication on it, you would be less likely to forget your morning medication.

Don't let the anxiety of the future rob you of what you had already accomplished.