Venting New Years Open Vent Thread

[opheliaoveragain]

this time of year can objectively suck. I know I just did this for christmas but if anyone needs a space to vent about any kind of NY bullshit, feel free to drop it below.

however you're feeling is valid and I accept you and am down to listen


be good to each other.

 

[pulse1]

It feels terrible to know that my partner for so long is out there enjoying his New Years with his family and friends, and I'm home alone with nothing to do and no one to talk to. He doesn't even check up on me, nor does anyone really. Even my 'friends' don't call or text or probably even remember my existence. I feel this rift between me and normal people again, I don't think I've felt it this intensely in such a short period before. I still don't know what I'll do during the last countdown, I don't know what I'll do and that scares me. I just want this day to be over with already.

 

[skyflame]

You're such a kind person, I wish there were more people like you. Hope you're doing ok, hugs x

 

[Nowhere Anon]

I'm feeling empty, completely out of place. It's like there is no place for me in this world. I just can't fit in. I feel like everybody else is enjoying their New Year's Eve while I'm here, alone and hopeless. I wish I hadn't failed my attempt last month.

 

[axolotlotl]

I have about 2 and a half hours left until 2025 here. I'm really not looking forward to it. I had another half-assed attempt and I just feel hopeless. I'll probably cut myself or something, I don't have the will to try again. I've accomplished next to nothing in the past 6 years and I just don't see any reason to keep on going anymore. I don't have any skills, I haven't achieved anything, there's nobody in my life who cares about me. I just want it to stop.

 

[Namelesa]

I am going try to ctb attempt everyday so I get more used to the pain of partial hanging and be able to escape my suffering.

 

[youwantitdarker]

Here where I am from, we have 30 mins left until 2025. I hope it's my last year on earth, honestly.
While everybody is out with friends and family, having fun, partying, making memories, I am alone and very suicidal. Group hug for everybody here

 

[TheMountainTreeEgg]

this time of year can objectively suck. I know I just did this for christmas but if anyone needs a space to vent about any kind of NY bullshit, feel free to drop it below.

however you're feeling is valid and I accept you and am down to listen


be good to each other.

I've realized that coming home was a mistake. I've caused a lot of trouble for my family and I've felt that I've been doing nothing to support them. I need to make sure I stay out of their way, as well as making the least of amount of impact I can to bother them. Soon I'll be able to go back up to uni, where they can relax for a bit and forget about me. I've been pretty tired lately as well, I have to go to this NY party and I don't feel like it...

 

[lawlietsph]

My grandma is currently dying in the hospital. She started feeling very very ill in August and they only realized a month ago that she had a pulmonary embolism the whole time... I was visiting her 2 days ago.
Yesterday I got a call from her in the middle of the night. I picked up, but she didn't say a single word. All I could hear was her heavy and painful breathing. It was terrible, it haunts me. Turned out she called the entire family last night. Some of them she talked to, some of them she didn't. She only talked nonsense.

She was a huge part of my life ever since I was born. Everything I have is because of her, because she made it happen. I am currently laying under a blanket she bought me.

Today my mother, my uncle and my grandpa went to visit her. They told me that she's not awake anymore... She is cold. But it looks like she's sleeping... My heart is broken into millions of pieces.

On top of that, my mother and my sister had a huge fight, my sister ended up pushing my mother so hard that she fell on the concrete. It was horrible. I am shaking, heartbroken, done. I know this is just nature, but I don't want to lose my grandma. I love her so much.

I've lost 2 of my cats and my dear dog this year. I got sick with Lyme disease. My horse is sick with laminitis. I've had many many breakdowns, tried to end my life at least twice, but I don't even remember anymore.

I am heartbroken. My soul is in millions of pieces.

I just only hope one thing. I hope my grandma has a really really nice, happy and beautiful dream tonight. I hope she doesn't feel pain anymore. I love you grandma, thank you so much for everything.

My heart is so broken. It hurts so much. So so so so so so so much...

 

[whitetaildeer]

i wish i had the words to say how i felt. i'm dreading even the slightest bit of social interaction today. i just hope that next year is somehow more bearable than this one was. better yet, that i get the courage to finally ctb

 

[willitpass]

I wasn't supposed to make it through 2024. Hell, I wasn't supposed to make it through the year for over a decade now. New years is just a reminder of another year that I failed to make it out. Not for a lack of trying, that's for sure. And I've spent practically a quarter of the year in the psych ward at this point for nothing. I still want to die but now I can't do it. I'm angry. I'm hopeless. I'm helpless. I'm numb. I plan on going to bed early tonight to avoid having to acknowledge it. I may ask for a PRN so I can sleep extra deeply.

 

[Loaf of bread]

Ah, the four digit number changed slightly. Not an important change. The world is the exact same dystopia, different year

I went to a fireworks display, there were many people taking their dogs to watch. Why would they do that? Makes no sense

 

[Peace2peace]

I want to ctb in the year 2024 but has to prospone cause I didn't want to ruin the new year for my folks, but my clock is ticking real fast

 

[abrekosa]

Started year alone, ended year alone. Surreal feeling watching fireworks and crying of loneliness. Getting older and feeling like nothing will ever change, every year it just gets worse and worse. Im just tired

 

[yowai]

I wish I could party lol

 

[jellymomo]

I'm out with my friends for New Year and I feel like shit. I haven't accomplished anything this year so there's nothing for me to be grateful for. At least Jm not alone for New Years but it's exhausting trying to act normal around people when i'm completely dying inside. Time is passing by and it's 2 hours until 2025 so i feel like a coward knowing that i promised myself that i'll ctb 2024. i'm helpless hopeless and a coward but oh well hopefully i'll get the courage to ctb in 2025.

 

[kitkat9234]

I'm feeling empty, completely out of place. It's like there is no place for me in this world. I just can't fit in. I feel like everybody else is enjoying their New Year's Eve while I'm here, alone and hopeless. I wish I hadn't failed my attempt last month.

Same. Hugs to you.

My grandma is currently dying in the hospital. She started feeling very very ill in August and they only realized a month ago that she had a pulmonary embolism the whole time... I was visiting her 2 days ago.
Yesterday I got a call from her in the middle of the night. I picked up, but she didn't say a single word. All I could hear was her heavy and painful breathing. It was terrible, it haunts me. Turned out she called the entire family last night. Some of them she talked to, some of them she didn't. She only talked nonsense.

She was a huge part of my life ever since I was born. Everything I have is because of her, because she made it happen. I am currently laying under a blanket she bought me.

Today my mother, my uncle and my grandpa went to visit her. They told me that she's not awake anymore... She is cold. But it looks like she's sleeping... My heart is broken into millions of pieces.

On top of that, my mother and my sister had a huge fight, my sister ended up pushing my mother so hard that she fell on the concrete. It was horrible. I am shaking, heartbroken, done. I know this is just nature, but I don't want to lose my grandma. I love her so much.

I've lost 2 of my cats and my dear dog this year. I got sick with Lyme disease. My horse is sick with laminitis. I've had many many breakdowns, tried to end my life at least twice, but I don't even remember anymore.

I am heartbroken. My soul is in millions of pieces.

I just only hope one thing. I hope my grandma has a really really nice, happy and beautiful dream tonight. I hope she doesn't feel pain anymore. I love you grandma, thank you so much for everything.

My heart is so broken. It hurts so much. So so so so so so so much...

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this.

 

[Namelesa]

I am going try to ctb attempt everyday so I get more used to the pain of partial hanging and be able to escape my suffering.

Well great. The bar in my wardrobe that holds my clothes has broke cus my attempt to partial hang today. Partial hanging is the only thing I can access and now I am worried I can't even use this method. I don't want to use another place to hang myself from especially outside my room as I would more likely be spotted doing it and I don't know if there isn't any other good anchor point I can use. I also felt like I was getting better at it as I was able to hang myself for longer periods of time but now that's been ruined by this. I feel more trapped and hopeless now as I can't get better and have an even less of a chance at being able to die now. I have no choice but to continue my suffering and will have to experience more of 2025 than I wanted to.

 

[victorisunlucky]

its just so lonely

 

[stink144]

I wish I could find an exit partner/s quicker. I can't take doing it alone anymore

 

[shrizoid]

this time of year can objectively suck. I know I just did this for christmas but if anyone needs a space to vent about any kind of NY bullshit, feel free to drop it below.

however you're feeling is valid and I accept you and am down to listen


be good to each other.

I just learned that another one of my online "friends" are a chronic liar and also will turn against me without hesitation, this honestly feels like one of my final straws

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thank you for this. I was going to make my own venting thread but, here would be good to get it out:

Most of last night and early this morning, I just had the most terrible dread that I don't know how I'm going to get through another year feeling like this.

I think there's always something so shit about New Years (for me) that not only makes you look backwards at where you failed during the year. (Comparitively, this past year's been better for me actually but, there's no sense of achievement. Just relief it wasn't any worse!) More though, it makes me look at the year ahead and just feel nauseous.

In some ways, I've brought it on myself. I've just worked constantly and barely left the house, so now the anxiety over doing anything other than that is enormous. I suppose at the moment, I simply don't know what's coming. I just know that, whatever it is, I don't want to face it, I don't really want to do it. There's nothing I even massively want to achieve, other than to crawl through unscathed- which won't happen. I just wish I could escape. Maybe I wish I didn't care what my CTB would do to my Dad. I don't know really.

It's gotten close recently to thinking I will likely just say something one day. Reveal how long I've had ideation (since age 10- 44 now,) and tell him I definitely don't want to go on any longer. I know I can't really say it though- unless I actually decide to do it (CTB). I just know I'm not going to cope well with the oncoming disapproval about work and my financial situation. Like- quit worrying will you? Corpses don't need pensions!

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

the most terrible dread that I don't know how I'm going to get through another year feeling like this.

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something so shit about New Years

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makes you look backwards at where you failed during the year.

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makes me look at the year ahead and just feel nauseous.

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the anxiety over doing anything other than that is enormous.

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I simply don't know what's coming. I just know that, whatever it is, I don't want to face it, I don't really want to do it.

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I just wish I could escape.

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If you had thrown in something about shame, I wouldn't have had to post all
I'm sorry we're both in the same shitty boat, instead of on the bus we planned to be on.
And as for another comment up thread regarding the 4 digit slight number change not being important, I'm super glad you feel that way, that's awesome. But for me & my world, it feels like a staggering blow... Significant, not arbitrary. I know I assigned meaning to it, I just can't seem to unassign it.
Best of luck to all.

 

[Tuonetar_]

I am now more certain than ever that I'm going to CTB soon. I thought I'd feel much more anxious than I do but I feel very peaceful. I've been wanting to leave for so long and now I finally have control over my destiny.

In a weird way, though, I kind of regret putting on a cheerful, friendly facade for so long. I know it's going to shock people because it will be so unexpected and seem so senseless, when in reality I have my own internal torments that no one else is privy to. If I had been more outwardly miserable over the years I think my CTB would be a little less shocking and easier to process.