Venting No good reason to ctb

[somewhat_sorry]

I feel like I don't have a really good reason to ctb. My life has minor problems, but overall it's probably one of the most ideal situations I could be in, by all metrics. I have friends, I'm doing well in school (or was, up until I stopped trying recently), nothing's seriously fucked with my family, etc. But I still feel like shit all the time, and I can only see my situation getting worse because there's very few ways it could get better. It sounds weird to complain about my life going well, but the thing is I still feel miserable and it scares me because if I manage to feel this miserable for no good reason- what about when I have a reason? What then? How horrible can I feel? Is there a limit? So I've wanted to kill myself since I was a child as a preventative measure, with the instinctive understanding that I am an incredibly fortunate person that is still unfortunately, wallowing in depression and anxiety all the time. I guess I was wondering- would this be a stupid reason to die? I'm in so much pain but it's legitamately all in my head. All of the problems I currently have are due to my own current lack of motivation to upkeep any aspect of my life, and all of them are solvable. I just don't have the motivation anymore to do anything. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. But it feels like a waste of privilage and money to throw my life away, like a big fuck you to everyone who didn't get all the amazing things I did when I was growing up. But the idea of staying alive is so horrible it sometimes seems insane that I'm just expected to do it, to keep moving fowards when it might be wiser to quit while I'm ahead. Idk- opinions?

 

[Dingo67]

It up to you personally to decide if you have a "good" reason/s or not. It's ypur life, only your opinon really matters. Also, just because you may have had a relatively good life materially speaking or some people have had a worse life, that doesn't invaildate any of your feelings or experiences at all. Regardless of what you may or not have had/have. As for my opinion, I don't think that's a dumb reason to want to die at all. It's perfectly rational if you think things are probably only going to get worse.

 

[avalokitesvara]

have you ever got any help or treatment for these feelings and thoughts? maybe you have and it didn't work. but if you haven't it could be worth a try. people can be cured from mental illness and find life worth living, have a complete change of perspective and feel completely different. it's wild how the brain can really change sometimes.

of course you can always decide to die for any reason, your life is your own and if you don't want to live it you don't have to.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

You said you haven't got a good reason, but you also speak of depression. You're downplaying it, depression is a valid reason to kill yourself over. Or perhaps you don't think it's bad? Not being able to get out of bed is classic depression

 

[curiouscvnt]

Wow i really relate to being suicidal with a lack of serious trauma & bad shit currently affecting me. Dingo67 really has a point here imo
... with a caveat that in my case at least, i am not convinced that my life (as i see it) is probably only going to get worse if i continue more or less how i am or even make foreseeable changes. And yet i still want to and would choose to end my life in the next 1-5 years.

It up to you personally to decide if you have a "good" reason/s or not. It's ypur life, only your opinon really matters. Also, just because you may have had a relatively good life materially speaking or some people have had a worse life, that doesn't invaildate any of your feelings or experiences at all. Regardless of what you may or not have had/have. As for my opinion, I don't think that's a dumb reason to want to die at all. It's perfectly rational if you think things are probably only going to get worse.

What is feeling miserable like for you? (me personally, it ranges from struggling to focus on anything other than how i'm gonna ctb to feeling like i cannot stand myself and i don't want to be in my own body/skin/mind)