LivingANDDying26
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,302
Usual struggle. Money. Medication. Managing. Wanting to thrive. Realizing the obstacles haven't changed.
Repeat.
Some plans changed & it just really... threw me off but made me realize how tightly wound my "hope" is
I'd end it tonight but I don't have anything except a pencil sharpener blade which is what I used to self harm. Couldn't even cut so...
Ig I'll wait 2 weeks till I can afford sn or just I dunno.
I don't know and while its ok. I really need to. Doing everything alone all my life has worn me down.
Plus everything is piling on.
Feel like I can end it but have nothing. I can quell impulsive desires. But I feel like... just... so hurt yet so numb in ways.
Anyway same old with me.
I just dunno how to get to where I needa be & also like be ok too.
I'm going to stay with a friend but Im doing it for him to get away not for me. At least not anymore. I just don't feel a pull to any direction. Shall pretend & shit. Somehow.
Huh. Ig I am done then in ways? I dunno how ima plan this. Maybe I shouldn't go? Well he'll most likely hate me at the end. Which will both help with my guilt for leaving & just wrap things up in ways.
Broke down & was yelling yayyy I'm a fucking dsyregulated mess. Didn't even mean to and felt like def the release but I realized I def felt the build up.
I can just stay... starve. Chill. I def think he's just pitying me at this point so. Lmao. I'm pathetic asf.
That's all ig.
Repeat.
Some plans changed & it just really... threw me off but made me realize how tightly wound my "hope" is
I'd end it tonight but I don't have anything except a pencil sharpener blade which is what I used to self harm. Couldn't even cut so...
Ig I'll wait 2 weeks till I can afford sn or just I dunno.
I don't know and while its ok. I really need to. Doing everything alone all my life has worn me down.
Plus everything is piling on.
Feel like I can end it but have nothing. I can quell impulsive desires. But I feel like... just... so hurt yet so numb in ways.
Anyway same old with me.
I just dunno how to get to where I needa be & also like be ok too.
I'm going to stay with a friend but Im doing it for him to get away not for me. At least not anymore. I just don't feel a pull to any direction. Shall pretend & shit. Somehow.
Huh. Ig I am done then in ways? I dunno how ima plan this. Maybe I shouldn't go? Well he'll most likely hate me at the end. Which will both help with my guilt for leaving & just wrap things up in ways.
Broke down & was yelling yayyy I'm a fucking dsyregulated mess. Didn't even mean to and felt like def the release but I realized I def felt the build up.
I can just stay... starve. Chill. I def think he's just pitying me at this point so. Lmao. I'm pathetic asf.
That's all ig.
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