Not going to ctb anymore

[Rex]

Been here since end of May.

Was a mod from June - November. Was a pleasure to volunteer my time to this community and I'm glad I did things right. Thank you for all the praise about my info, moderating and company.

Having said that, I feel being in a place like this makes me worse mentally. I'm not ready to CTB any more after months of deliberating, getting two N shipments, one smashed (lol) but A hooked me up with another 3 bottles but my mother intercepted the 2nd shipment.

Now SN is no longer an option due to mailbox company failing to notify me of deliveries to collect. I also don't want to leave my mother behind while she is still alive. So i guess i'll do what i do best, cope through drugs.

I'll still be on the site but mainly in the chat room or browsing off topic, but a lot less in the threads. I'm still pro-choice if anyone needs to be asking that, I guess I'm just not ready to leave this planet just yet and it seems like every step I took, there was something or someone in my way, it feels like a sign of some sort and I'm not spiritual or religious at all. But my N not getting to me, now the SN issues... just yeah, I will take it as a sign even if it's not.

I'll class this as recovery but it's more like "gritting my teeth and getting through it with the aid of drugs" which suits me fine for now.

See you around on the site / chat room!

 

[TAW122]

Glad to see you recover and there is nothing wrong about changing your mind down the road. I'm glad that you are staying around for your mother and I hope things continue to go well for you. Also, I'm glad that you are pro-choice when it comes to the decision of whether to live or die. Anyways, see you around the site.

 

[TiredHorse]

I'll class this as recovery but it's more like "gritting my teeth and getting through it with the aid of drugs" which suits me fine for now.

I can't express to you the enormity of my respect. That's a tough decision, but from what you've written it's a very sound one, on the personal level that such decisions need to be made.

Bravo, Rex. And thank you for all your conscientious work as a moderator.

I'll miss seeing you around here and knowing your watchful eye is on the forum, but I applaud your decision.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Thank you for your service to this site :)

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Been here since end of May.

Was a mod from June - November. Was a pleasure to volunteer my time to this community and I'm glad I did things right. Thank you for all the praise about my info, moderating and company.

Having said that, I feel being in a place like this makes me worse mentally. I'm not ready to CTB any more after months of deliberating, getting two N shipments, one smashed (lol) but A hooked me up with another 3 bottles but my mother intercepted the 2nd shipment.

Now SN is no longer an option due to mailbox company failing to notify me of deliveries to collect. I also don't want to leave my mother behind while she is still alive. So i guess i'll do what i do best, cope through drugs.

I'll still be on the site but mainly in the chat room or browsing off topic, but a lot less in the threads. I'm still pro-choice if anyone needs to be asking that, I guess I'm just not ready to leave this planet just yet and it seems like every step I took, there was something or someone in my way, it feels like a sign of some sort and I'm not spiritual or religious at all. But my N not getting to me, now the SN issues... just yeah, I will take it as a sign even if it's not.

I'll class this as recovery but it's more like "gritting my teeth and getting through it with the aid of drugs" which suits me fine for now.

See you around on the site / chat room!

Well I guess that is good and just out of curiosity what drugs do you use for coping?

 

[nzdarkshark]

Thank you for all you've done for the site - hope all goes well for you and you're able to cope as best as possible.

 

[Fucking loving it]

I live for my son so I understand gritting my teeth through it.. thanks for your time being a mod.

 

[Rex]

Thank you all! <333

Well I guess that is good and just out of curiosity what drugs do you use for coping?

Benzos and opiates mainly... but I intend to delve back into drugs I used to take like stims, psychedelics etc at some point as well. Really need to do psychedelics again, it does change my view on things... oh and ketamine... lol

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Thank you all! <333


Benzos and opiates mainly... but I intend to delve back into drugs I used to take like stims, psychedelics etc at some point as well. Really need to do psychedelics again, it does change my view on things... oh and ketamine... lol

I was thinking of trying ketamine too since I have heard good things about it also it have almost no hangover as far as what I have researched.

If you haven´t tried it then I would recommend MDMA I actually suggest everyone trying tested MDMA at least once in their lifetime it´s just so amazing.

 

[Fucking loving it]

Thank you all! <333


Benzos and opiates mainly... but I intend to delve back into drugs I used to take like stims, psychedelics etc at some point as well. Really need to do psychedelics again, it does change my view on things... oh and ketamine... lol

Ketamine works really well for me. It lessened my suicidal urges. Otherwise I lose site and become so obsessive about CTB.

 

[Lara Francis]

Been here since end of May.

Was a mod from June - November. Was a pleasure to volunteer my time to this community and I'm glad I did things right. Thank you for all the praise about my info, moderating and company.

Having said that, I feel being in a place like this makes me worse mentally. I'm not ready to CTB any more after months of deliberating, getting two N shipments, one smashed (lol) but A hooked me up with another 3 bottles but my mother intercepted the 2nd shipment.

Now SN is no longer an option due to mailbox company failing to notify me of deliveries to collect. I also don't want to leave my mother behind while she is still alive. So i guess i'll do what i do best, cope through drugs.

I'll still be on the site but mainly in the chat room or browsing off topic, but a lot less in the threads. I'm still pro-choice if anyone needs to be asking that, I guess I'm just not ready to leave this planet just yet and it seems like every step I took, there was something or someone in my way, it feels like a sign of some sort and I'm not spiritual or religious at all. But my N not getting to me, now the SN issues... just yeah, I will take it as a sign even if it's not.

I'll class this as recovery but it's more like "gritting my teeth and getting through it with the aid of drugs" which suits me fine for now.

See you around on the site / chat room!

Good luck Rex x

 

[Rocky M]

Glad you've got something to live for Rex, thanks for everything you've done for this site! see ya around :)

 

[MachineGunDani]

Love u Rex. Glad u will still b here! Just think, the longer u live, the more Mac n cheese u can eat!!! Hugs mate lol

 

[Red star]

Thank you all! <333


Benzos and opiates mainly... but I intend to delve back into drugs I used to take like stims, psychedelics etc at some point as well. Really need to do psychedelics again, it does change my view on things... oh and ketamine... lol

I'll join you : )

Love u Rex. Glad u will still b here! Just think, the longer u live, the more Mac n cheese u can eat!!! Hugs mate lol

Lol the Mac n cheese.. we should have a Rex mac n cheese day where we all have Mac and cheese together.

 

[MachineGunDani]

I'll join you : )



Lol the Mac n cheese.. ok thats it thats on my bucket list now. We should have a Rex mac n cheese day where we all have Mac and cheese together.

I agree!!!

 

[jaemus12]

I wish you the best of luck on your recovery and coping.

If you're gonna stay on the chat then I wish you good luck on dealing with my shenanigans there.

 

[Rex]

Love u Rex. Glad u will still b here! Just think, the longer u live, the more Mac n cheese u can eat!!! Hugs mate lol

Love you too mate! mac n cheese all the way lol <3

@Red star - Yes, a dedicated day to mac n cheese for all of us in chat! :D

I wish you the best of luck on your recovery and coping.

If you're gonna stay on the chat then I wish you good luck on dealing with my shenanigans there.

Thank you, you're fine... I can put up with you in chat! =] Don't stress!

 

[Red star]

Rex mac n cheese day! Yay! Say when and I'm there @Rex @MachineGunDani

 

[Armadillo]

I'm happy for you... and a bit envious ahaha.

Enjoy your drugs, wish I could do that too...

 

[Schopenhauer]

Good luck with your life, Rex. And thanks for your work here. I hope things improve for you!

 

[longingforrelease]

I live for my son so I understand gritting my teeth through it.. thanks for your time being a mod.

for me it's my daughter. Though she lives with her mom and I'm now 10,000 miles away the thought of her pain from my death has stayed my hand up till now. I'm sorry you too face such a difficult dilemma.

 

[Midnight]

Best of luck! I sincerely hope you can get out of this or at least subdue it enough to live a decent life. Take care.

 

[Kim]

Thx for your service. I wish you a good time - enjoy your drugs <3

 

[Trashcan]

You've done a wonderful job moderating this website. Good luck with your recovery and I hope you find both happiness and peace. :)

 

[Jen Erik]

Wish you the best, Rex

 

[dysfunctional]

Congrats man, enjoy the drugs. I lived for years happy and function using cannabis full time. Now it doesn't work for me and I feel I've lost a big part of myself.

 

[kkatt]

Been here since end of May.

Was a mod from June - November. Was a pleasure to volunteer my time to this community and I'm glad I did things right. Thank you for all the praise about my info, moderating and company.

Having said that, I feel being in a place like this makes me worse mentally. I'm not ready to CTB any more after months of deliberating, getting two N shipments, one smashed (lol) but A hooked me up with another 3 bottles but my mother intercepted the 2nd shipment.

Now SN is no longer an option due to mailbox company failing to notify me of deliveries to collect. I also don't want to leave my mother behind while she is still alive. So i guess i'll do what i do best, cope through drugs.

I'll still be on the site but mainly in the chat room or browsing off topic, but a lot less in the threads. I'm still pro-choice if anyone needs to be asking that, I guess I'm just not ready to leave this planet just yet and it seems like every step I took, there was something or someone in my way, it feels like a sign of some sort and I'm not spiritual or religious at all. But my N not getting to me, now the SN issues... just yeah, I will take it as a sign even if it's not.

I'll class this as recovery but it's more like "gritting my teeth and getting through it with the aid of drugs" which suits me fine for now.

See you around on the site / chat room!

Hey Rex....read your post a few days ago. Couldn't reply as I just joined SS.
Was a member as ASH/ASM since about 2000. Why still here? Good question. For another time. Partly putting my parents through even MORE pain...a bit like you.

Be proud of what you did being a mod here. These places have been the only haven I've found where I can 100% be myself. Being accepted for your true self is a huge liberty.It's not always the healthiest place to be though,hence my time away. Was in Reddit too. Also have a few friends from years back on my facebook.

What's more,keep my N to hand and it's still totally good to use.

I'd never not be pro-choice. And I'd never disrespect the privacy this place affords. I was a bit worried by the number of bots....can someone explain that please?

Spent 20 years numbing the pain with beautiful lady H. You only ever swap one habit for another though.

Love to hear from you....and also from anyone who might have been around the old usenet/google groups back in the day.
xxx

 

[LoveKills]

Good luck on your recovery bro

 

[worldexploder]

Hey man I'm glad you're feeling better. My best wishes to you.

 

[anonymouswolf]

I'm happy you're feeling better