Venting Not scared anymore...

[PatKat]

Ugh this life is a FUCKING nightmare! Why can't it be right now? It will be today!

Seriously the worst part my my day is waking up... and just lay there, and think why did this happen again. That is my first thought every time I wake up.

I will give a little background on my situation. I am 33 years old, my father died on a motorcycle when I was 12 years old, he was my best friend, my coached my sports teams... I stopped sports the day he died. I stopped everything after that point when tragedy first struck my life it just seems to happen non stop after that to this day. I was in the Army I did something right? Fuck no.... I was married... she stabbed me twice... I had a girlfriend... falsely accused me of texting "I want to kill you" to her... went to jail for 8 hours she admitted she lied and the text never existed. I have Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar 2, PTSD, I take Ziprasidone Depakote ER Trazodone Valium, and Buproprion. I have been inpatient so many times I have lost count.,, I attempted suicide on November 16th 2008 via running my car into a wall of a bridge at 75 MPH... I was 1.5 miles away from the only level 3 trauma center in the tristate area... I was in induced coma, I have titanium in my face and skull, my skull and face were destroyed and rebuilt with titanium. My back and neck hurt constantly... I cannot remember how long I was in the hospital. I have a trach scar that I have to see every fucking day to remind me that I failed... I have been moving away from people for many years... I moved to a different state to get away from everyone I knew. I stayed under the radar very well... I have been here for 5 years almost. I have 1 friend... I do not leave home unless to work... I was recently fired... I have no more insurance... No more doctors... No more medications... They are gone...

This is just a small fragment... NOTHING MATTERS to me.

08/09/2018 I have the same feeling I did on November 16th 2008... I haven't tried because I am afraid I will fail again. Fuck my life why am I here I have no enjoyment nothing makes me happy WHY

Above

 

[Lisa]

Patkat
Sorry for all you have endured.

I wake up each day in that same boat you describe.

Shocked and extremely miserable that this is my reality.

C'est la vie, at least for some

 

[Nauseated]

I'm sorry man, that sounds brutal.

 

[PatKat]

Patkat
Sorry for all you have endured.

I wake up each day in that same boat you describe.

Shocked and extremely miserable that this is my reality.

C'est la vie, at least for some

I just want it to stop... It is not that I want to die it is that I do not want to be alive.I dont care about anything anymore just stopped doing everything. I wish they would euthanize the mentally ill that want to die.

 

[Nauseated]

Have you tried getting disability? Sounds like you would more than qualify.

 

[PatKat]

Have you tried getting disability? Sounds like you would more than qualify.

member: 960"]I'm sorry man, that sounds brutal.[/QUOTE]

I was on SSDI for 3 years when i left the hospital. I don't care about money at all I will not be here long enough for it to effect me.

 

[Nauseated]

member: 960"]I'm sorry man, that sounds brutal.

I was on SSDI for 3 years when i left the hospital. I don't care about money at all I will not be here long enough for it to effect me.[/QUOTE]
I wish you the best of luck with your decision, man.

 

[Lisa]

I just want it to stop... It is not that I want to die it is that I do not want to be alive.I dont care about anything anymore just stopped doing everything. I wish they would euthanize the mentally ill that want to die.

Poor love
Let's chat here together sometimes if you like
Just to pass time

I can tell you things I do to pass time that might help you

I read about people that died today. I do that each day. It comforts me somehow.

I read about nuclear war and WW3 coming and pray for the apocalypse.

Etc

 

[Dip]

I read about nuclear war and WW3 coming and pray for the apocalypse.

The term "apocalypse" is rather subjective anyway. All that radiation is great for one organism in particular:

Cookie to whoever knows what that is ;)

 

[PatKat]

Poor love
Let's chat here together sometimes if you like
Just to pass time

I can tell you things I do to pass time that might help you

I read about people that died today. I do that each day. It comforts me somehow.

I read about nuclear war and WW3 coming and pray for the apocalypse.

Etc

I do as well, I know they are finally gone and soon forgotten...

 

[Anthony]

Ugh this life is a FUCKING nightmare! Why can't it be right now? It will be today!

Seriously the worst part my my day is waking up... and just lay there, and think why did this happen again. That is my first thought every time I wake up.

I will give a little background on my situation. I am 33 years old, my father died on a motorcycle when I was 12 years old, he was my best friend, my coached my sports teams... I stopped sports the day he died. I stopped everything after that point when tragedy first struck my life it just seems to happen non stop after that to this day. I was in the Army I did something right? Fuck no.... I was married... she stabbed me twice... I had a girlfriend... falsely accused me of texting "I want to kill you" to her... went to jail for 8 hours she admitted she lied and the text never existed. I have Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar 2, PTSD, I take Ziprasidone Depakote ER Trazodone Valium, and Buproprion. I have been inpatient so many times I have lost count.,, I attempted suicide on November 16th 2008 via running my car into a wall of a bridge at 75 MPH... I was 1.5 miles away from the only level 3 trauma center in the tristate area... I was in induced coma, I have titanium in my face and skull, my skull and face were destroyed and rebuilt with titanium. My back and neck hurt constantly... I cannot remember how long I was in the hospital. I have a trach scar that I have to see every fucking day to remind me that I failed... I have been moving away from people for many years... I moved to a different state to get away from everyone I knew. I stayed under the radar very well... I have been here for 5 years almost. I have 1 friend... I do not leave home unless to work... I was recently fired... I have no more insurance... No more doctors... No more medications... They are gone...

This is just a small fragment... NOTHING MATTERS to me.

08/09/2018 I have the same feeling I did on November 16th 2008... I haven't tried because I am afraid I will fail again. Fuck my life why am I here I have no enjoyment nothing makes me happy WHY

Above

Fuck mate you are in a bad place....I don't know what to say to you, the same as you I woke up this morning I prayed I would die in my sleep.
I think the first time I thought that I was 12 or 13, I'm now 54 years old, it has been a constant battle through out my life.
Fuck the last thing you want to hear is me talking about My life.
I hope you can find some where peaceful, even if it is in death.

From one shitty life to another.

 

[PatKat]

Fuck mate you are in a bad place....I don't know what to say to you, the same as you I woke up this morning I prayed I would die in my sleep.
I think the first time I thought that I was 12 or 13, I'm now 54 years old, it has been a constant battle through out my life.
Fuck the last thing you want to hear is me talking about My life.
I hope you can find some where peaceful, even if it is in death.

From one shitty life to another.

Copy, I have plans...