Josuyo
No, I do not like life, take it away please
- Oct 17, 2021
- 92
So I'm in a field. It's dark af. I'm not too far from my house but far enough for it to be a place they wouldn't think to look.
There was a lot I was hoping for in life. That I never knew I wanted until I began experiencing life properly. I made friends and fell in love, met people like minded like me. I have has times of complete euphoria and then others of complete suicidal despair.
I'm 24. I've lost a lot of friends in the past few years. People I thought loved and cared about me but instead really hurt me, made me feel worthless and like my feelings didn't matter. I fear I'm just in a repeat cycle of this and I believe it's better to just go now while before I lose more people and end up completely alone.
I love those who still stayed and supported me through everything and it's awful I'm not going to be able to do the same for them but I also can't keep burdening them like this.
I found new love for life once. I wanted to get married, in more recent years I wanted to have a wee child of my own. But in my mental state that seems impossible. I can't raise a kid into this world, who might inherit whatever awful genes afflict me both physically and mentally.
I wish so hard I could have had that happiness though.
I have loved people so much when I didn't even think I was capable of loving.
I truly hope this works.
I pray to whatever God there might be to forgive me for leaving the friends I have left.
Thank you to everyone on here. Despite what this forum is for y'all we're actually helping me try and pick up the pieces of my life, with no judgement or shame. I appreciate that, so much.
I hope other people are much luckier than I am. No one deserves to go through this struggle and pain.
There was a lot I was hoping for in life. That I never knew I wanted until I began experiencing life properly. I made friends and fell in love, met people like minded like me. I have has times of complete euphoria and then others of complete suicidal despair.
I'm 24. I've lost a lot of friends in the past few years. People I thought loved and cared about me but instead really hurt me, made me feel worthless and like my feelings didn't matter. I fear I'm just in a repeat cycle of this and I believe it's better to just go now while before I lose more people and end up completely alone.
I love those who still stayed and supported me through everything and it's awful I'm not going to be able to do the same for them but I also can't keep burdening them like this.
I found new love for life once. I wanted to get married, in more recent years I wanted to have a wee child of my own. But in my mental state that seems impossible. I can't raise a kid into this world, who might inherit whatever awful genes afflict me both physically and mentally.
I wish so hard I could have had that happiness though.
I have loved people so much when I didn't even think I was capable of loving.
I truly hope this works.
I pray to whatever God there might be to forgive me for leaving the friends I have left.
Thank you to everyone on here. Despite what this forum is for y'all we're actually helping me try and pick up the pieces of my life, with no judgement or shame. I appreciate that, so much.
I hope other people are much luckier than I am. No one deserves to go through this struggle and pain.
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