RosebyAnyName
Staring at the ceiling for 6 hours
- Nov 9, 2023
- 240
I never imagined myself living past 30, so I never worried about aging before.
But whenever I decide to live and start thinking about my future, I hate the prospects of aging. Ironically, it just makes me suicidal again.
My biggest hobby, j fashion / EGL fashion, is heavily dependent on appearing youthful. Nobody wants to see an old lady wearing clothes meant for 20-somethings. Anti-aging is impossible, I'm already doing everything I can (sunscreen, proper skincare routine - no retinol because my skin is too sensitive but I use other actives like vitamin C, I eat well, sleep ok, try to manage anxiety) but nothing stops the clock. Too scared of surgery because, knowing my luck, something will go wrong.
Now I can't stop inspecting my face every day, trying to observe the progress of every fine line, only to discover more texture where I had none before, and asymmetries that just get worse. I hate my face and appearance more every day.
But whenever I decide to live and start thinking about my future, I hate the prospects of aging. Ironically, it just makes me suicidal again.
My biggest hobby, j fashion / EGL fashion, is heavily dependent on appearing youthful. Nobody wants to see an old lady wearing clothes meant for 20-somethings. Anti-aging is impossible, I'm already doing everything I can (sunscreen, proper skincare routine - no retinol because my skin is too sensitive but I use other actives like vitamin C, I eat well, sleep ok, try to manage anxiety) but nothing stops the clock. Too scared of surgery because, knowing my luck, something will go wrong.
Now I can't stop inspecting my face every day, trying to observe the progress of every fine line, only to discover more texture where I had none before, and asymmetries that just get worse. I hate my face and appearance more every day.