Discussion of hope

[helloandbye1]

Do you guys still feel any kind of hope towards getting better/making your life better, or is it all gone at this point? And how does it affect your desire to cbt?
For me, it fluctuates a lot since my due date is near, but I think it's just SI. It still worries me, though. I understand it's a human thing, hope dies last, etc. but still.

 

[Ozzyno]

When I don't have hope and dreams I just want to die as soon as possible.

Do you have long term plans? What do you do in your life?

 

[helloandbye1]

When I don't have hope and dreams I just want to die as soon as possible.

Do you have long term plans? What do you do in your life?

I have dreams but they feel very distant and unachievable.
I don't have long term plans, I recently quit my job because I kept feeling worse and worse. I have some money saved up to just...not do anything at the moment.
My only plan is to cbt but my last attempt was very impulsive, and I've never planned suicide before, so I guess, I'm a little worried about not being able to go through with it.

 

[Ozzyno]

I have dreams but they feel very distant and unachievable.
I don't have long term plans, I recently quit my job because I kept feeling worse and worse. I have some money saved up to just...not do anything at the moment.
My only plan is to cbt but my last attempt was very impulsive, and I've never planned suicide before, so I guess, I'm a little worried about not being able to go through with it.

Why do you think your dreams are unachievable? Do you dream of becoming king of the world or something crazy or…? Explain a little further

 

[helloandbye1]

Why do you think your dreams are unachievable? Do you dream of becoming king of the world or something crazy or…? Explain a little further

Mainly because of my age. I feel like I've lost years of life to my mental state and the regret is very strong.

 

[Ozzyno]

Mainly because of my age. I feel like I've lost years of life to my mental state and the regret is very strong.

You still have tomorrow and today to work on yourself… how old are you if you don't mind me asking

 

[helloandbye1]

You still have tomorrow and today to work on yourself… how old are you if you don't mind me asking

I can't keep going with this feeling of regret, to be honest. I think because I'm ashamed since I had the means to do something about it but couldn't because of my own head. And now it's too late. I'd rather end this life now that keep living like this.
And I'd tell you my age but I don't want to do it where everyone can read it, sorry.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally never wished for existence in the first place and I never would do no matter what, I have no interest in suffering in this existence and I see existence as deeply undesirable in general, human existence just feels like a terrible, dreadful mistake to me that causes endless amounts of suffering.

I find it such a cruel, futile burden to have to exist at all and as long as I exist I'll only ever hope for death, only non-existence can bring me peace from this existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel just for them to be tortured by old age and die anyway and I see it as all so futile anyway. The thought of suffering until old age is so horrific to me personally, I'd always prefer to die to escape from meaningless, unnecessary suffering in this existence I never would have chosen.

 

[Moniker]

I don't think there's any reason for me to attempt to "fix" myself. Even if I opt to not ctb, what's going to come of that? This world sucks. I don't like anything in it. Add on things like climate change, the world itself won't last much longer anyway. It's not any sort of mental illness speaking; it's objective fact: the world is terrible and dying. Will recovery change that? I already know the answer. I've known it for ages.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I mostly hope that I'll have the guts to kill myself. I think (so long as there isn't an unpleasant afterlife,) it's my best option.

As for life, I only hope I can keep it together for as long my Dad is still alive. I certainly hope it doesn't get any worse. The weird thing is, there are things on the horizon that would have made me think it could potentially get a lot better. It's mainly experience now that's making me doubt that. For starters- the doubt that it will even happen but also, that it doesn't mean what it used to me to matter enough if it does happen. I think that's how I feel confident I'm done. My best case scenario looks deeply problematic.

 

[failureofahuman]

I go back and forth but the I think the chances of me pulling off a happy life are very slim. Suicide is the best option objectively for a person like me