On a precipice

[rollingthunder]

I want to CTB, I really do, but my friends and family would be so sad. I know they will blame themselves and I can't bear that guilt. My mom just got into remission for her cancer, and my friend ran away from her abusive ex. I don't want to add more to their struggles. But everybody in my life more or less understands that I'm only still alive for their sakes, but it's so hard. How are you supposed to try to live when every part of you is so tired and wants to just end it? Attempting to get better just seems so pointless. But if I don't, I'm stuck in the middle, not able to give in to full depression, not able to enjoy life, just sleeping, eating, working, and staring at my phone. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I have no hobbies. I've also recently become fairly physically disabled and it's hard to even do anything anymore. I can't work a job. I can't attend classes. Even laying down hurts. I'm tired. How do you convince yourself that it's worth it?

 

[Davey40210]

It must be hard to be in that situation. I cant really help you on convincing yourself as Im having a hard time with that myself and dont have any of the problems you seem to be experiencing. Just to say hang in there and all the best.