Venting On physical looks

[lavenderlilylies]

I've seen the topic of physical appearance be discussed here before (usually negatively). My experience with that is a bit different from I've always known I'm ugly, I know this isn't something interesting to read about, I still want to get it off my chest — long winded way to justify my vent ik.

I can't say I haven't been told I'm "pretty" before. Reasons I'm inclined to believe it: it's been said unprompted many times. And I've heard it from strangers/people I didn't know well. Reason why I still don't: I have access to mirrors.

I don't think I'm just not pretty, I'm hideous that I avoid looking at my reflection. The only way I could describe my features is unfortunate. No different angles work, no makeup works, nothing works. I'm just ugly.

But why would people voluntarily tell an ugly person they're good looking? It truly baffles me. Could it be pity? I'd get that if I asked about it, i wouldn't tell someone they don't look good to their face if they asked after all. But i wouldn't lie just because either.

I just wish I could find an honest, non biased stranger who'd just plain tell me whos eyes are warped. I can't tolerate this face, people complementing it only makes me hate it more.

 

[deadstillwalking]

beware of facial dysmorphia !!

 

[makebelieve]

Im ugly as sin and never have i got any compliments from people

 

[deadzombie6]

I'm extremely extremely extremely ugly and yet I've gotten pity compliments from mostly my friends idk why they say so but it's mostly pity cuz the next moment they gonna talk about my insecurities and how ugly and wierd I look

 

[over2025]

I am genuinely ugly because of my skin deformity. To me, basically everyone else than me is not ugly. I would give everything to have a relationship with anyone out there who would be accepting of how I look. However, I have not found anyone yet. I'm now closer to 30 than I am to 20.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

I'm extremely extremely extremely ugly and yet I've gotten pity compliments from mostly my friends idk why they say so but it's mostly pity cuz the next moment they gonna talk about my insecurities and how ugly and wierd I look

I don't know why people do this! Just adds insult to injury honestly because it only takes common sense to know it's a lie

I am genuinely ugly because of my skin deformity. To me, basically everyone else than me is not ugly. I would give everything to have a relationship with anyone out there who would be accepting of how I look. However, I have not found anyone yet. I'm now closer to 30 than I am to 20.

I hope you do too.

beware of facial dysmorphia !!

idk if it's that

 

[CantDoIt]

I'm ugly as fuck. I used to be cute when I was a teenager but then I aged insanely swiftly. It's my fault, I just didn't know the shit I was doing caused facial aging because I'm an idiot who never looked into what actually causes it. I basically thought you just age at a certain pace and that it wasn't doing certain things that caused aging but rather just getting older. But most people who did "everything wrong" still look better than me lmfao.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I recommend A Different Man. Great movie.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I remember getting a pity compliment back in grade 9, after we were doing this activity everyone in class where we had to say something we like about ourselves. Some people decided to pass and whenever they said past they would get all of these compliments thrown their way about their personality and their appearance. Even people who didn't bother passing would have a bunch of compliments thrown their way. When they got to me and I said pass (talking in front of others makes uncomfortable and I don't have much about myself that I appreciate too much) the entire room was silent. It was embarrassing. The student who was in charge of the activity we were doing ran up to me when class ended to gave me a pity compliment about how pretty I was. I understand that she had good intentions but I wish she didn't do that.

I've also received a random pity compliments from some stranger on the train before back when I was in grade 10. I'm still confused as to why she felt the need to do it.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

I remember getting a pity compliment back in grade 9, after we were doing this activity everyone in class where we had to say something we like about ourselves. Some people decided to pass and whenever they said past they would get all of these compliments thrown their way about their personality and their appearance. Even people who didn't bother passing would have a bunch of compliments thrown their way. When they got to me and I said pass (talking in front of others makes uncomfortable and I don't have much about myself that I appreciate too much) the entire room was silent. It was embarrassing. The student who was in charge of the activity we were doing ran up to me when class ended to gave me a pity compliment about how pretty I was. I understand that she had good intentions but I wish she didn't do that.

I've also received a random pity compliments from some stranger on the train before back when I was in grade 10. I'm still confused as to why she felt the need to do it.

People feel obligated to complement thinking it would make the other person feel better. But it does the opposite when it's obviously disingenuous

 

[Forever Sleep]

I imagine it's could well be because they personally did find you attractive. That's quite an intrusive thing to just say to someone. It may be that you aren't attractive in a typical sense but that maybe you have very distinctive features. Maybe, if you stand out, that's attractive to some people.

I can understand though. I don't like the way I look so, it makes me feel uncomfortable too. Even if it's a compliment.

I've been told I'm attractive in certain settings. I did some care work for a while and sometimes, the patients would say nice things. I expect it was because I was helping them and I cared about them. So, kindness can be attractive. Someone who simply smiles at you when you're feeling vulnerable can look attractive I think. It's like- it's more than just physical looks. It's the person underneath showing a connection.

I actually had to work with someone who was genuinely gorgeous. I used to hate being on the same till. Really though, I ended up thinking I'd hate the attention she got. That was mostly women too. Customers. I imagine it could well be worse with more confident guys. But yeah, it seemed massively intrusive. It made me re-evaluate my wish to be attractive!

 

[PianoGoat]

I am ugly
people have told me im not but i just refuse to believe it.
At the same time, i have found "conventionally unattractive" girls incredibly beautiful. not just as a person, but like all around physically beautiful.
Maybe i'm just crazy though ;P, but remember that sometimes people can see things in you that you cannot, even after all the years you've lived with your own body.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Not trying to brag but I was pretty damn handsome from late teens to late 20s. There's a bit of a "halo effect" but I would always watch that original good impression fade as people realized I was weird. If your brain is messed up that foot in the door isn't worth much.

 

[VoidBlessed]

I have felt hideous for most of my life, particularly my face. I used to nitpick constantly about the shape of my nose, my forehead, my browridge, the way my jaw sits when I have my mouth closed. People called me handsome but I dismissed that as pity compliments as well. However, it turned out I was trans and once I started transitioning, having changed nothing about my face, I was suddenly fine with how I looked.

At the same time, "conventionally" attractive people have never really appealed to me. They all kind of look the same and their facial features aren't very interesting. I've always preferred people with uncommon facial features, and remember vividly the girl I had a massive crush on in middle school for how beautiful she was being called butt-ugly by other classmates.

That's not to say pretty privilege isn't real. Our society is so obsessed with conformity, even on a visual level, that people who don't conform are mistreated and maligned. It's ridiculous and unfair, and I'm really sorry you're experiencing it.

Something that has helped me immensely, as someone with uncommon facial features, is taking control over my appearance with how I dress. I dress very intentionally so that my perception of my appearance isn't limited solely to my face.

 

[uselessflesh]

i think it's nice that you at least had the chances to be complimented, though i understand too well the feeling of not believing them. especially when you're used to them being in a mocking tone or disingenuous.
i think personally if i took care of myself i could reach an 8/10 at most ? shockingly my looks (face) are one of the things i hate least about me and that isn't even saying much, but it really does make me believe otherwise when compliments are so scarce or suspected to be feigned

 

[Edu Ardanuy]

Is it weird that now I want to know how you look to check it out myself whether you are 'ugly' or not?

 

[lavenderlilylies]

I have felt hideous for most of my life, particularly my face. I used to nitpick constantly about the shape of my nose, my forehead, my browridge, the way my jaw sits when I have my mouth closed. People called me handsome but I dismissed that as pity compliments as well. However, it turned out I was trans and once I started transitioning, having changed nothing about my face, I was suddenly fine with how I looked.

At the same time, "conventionally" attractive people have never really appealed to me. They all kind of look the same and their facial features aren't very interesting. I've always preferred people with uncommon facial features, and remember vividly the girl I had a massive crush on in middle school for how beautiful she was being called butt-ugly by other classmates.

That's not to say pretty privilege isn't real. Our society is so obsessed with conformity, even on a visual level, that people who don't conform are mistreated and maligned. It's ridiculous and unfair, and I'm really sorry you're experiencing it.

Something that has helped me immensely, as someone with uncommon facial features, is taking control over my appearance with how I dress. I dress very intentionally so that my perception of my appearance isn't limited solely to my face.

The way you dress and carry yourself makes a world of difference. How i dress is sadly out of my control too. I'm glad you're good looking in your own eyes now, they're truly the only ones that matter

Is it weird that now I want to know how you look to check it out myself whether you are 'ugly' or not?

i wish i had the guts to share a pic lol. I think people here won't coddle my feelings. But I could never

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Most people that think they're ugly, usually aren't. The saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is true. I've seen plenty of male models on ads on the TV that I do not find attractive at all, and others, I have, so there's that. And they are models, so apparently they *are* attractive, but not to everyone.

I do understand this though, and I know how it can consume a person, especially if that is all you think about all day long, which is the worst thing you could possibly do, because it feeds into your insecurities, but I understand how difficult it is not to think this way when you have those beliefs about yourself.

I believe I am ugly as shit, I have my entire life, but I have also been told by professionals I have body dysmorphia. I don't think about it anywhere near as much as I used to - it used to be all day long, and now it's down to several times a day, but I hadn't until I got with an abusive partner, but because he's broken me down so much, I think about it a lot.

In my opinion, everyone is attractive in their own way.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I actually get told I'm handsome quite regularly……by my closest friends and family so it means very little. That actually makes me feel much MUCH worse because they're almost certainly lying just to make me feel better and if no strangers or people I also find attractive are going to tell me that then I might as well be horrifyingly ugly. I don't care if those people are blinded by their misplaced affection for me. Even if I'm only a small percentage as good-looking as they say, that still doesn't negate the fact that I'm also an awfully ugly person on the inside too and you can't get any form of plastic surgery for that kind of ugliness.

I also look even worse with my clothes off too. The only objectively good feature I can say I have is that I'm kinda tall for an Asian but that clearly still isn't enough for the world.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I haven't been hit on by anyone I find attractive, so yeah, I would say to the people that the opinion matters of, I am indeed unattractive. I also have severe gender dysphoria and wish I was (cis) female, so there's that (I have not started to transition, and have no desire to). Hot take, but I do think it's easier for women to be (objectively) attractive than men tbh.

Anyways, gender dysphoria, lack of a love/sex life, and growing old in this order are the three reasons why I am CTBing. Life just isn't worth living for me with the first two problems being present. Also, close friends and family (lying) and saying I am handsome and any woman would be lucky to be with me means nothing as they aren't the people I am trying to get with, so their opinion means very little.

 

[HappyForever?]

You are probably suffering from body dysmorphia. I also used to think I was so ugly that I had no prospects of love. Now I think I'm average, maybe even above average. It takes work, but it can absolutely be done.

You said that there are people who tell you that you look good. That probably means you do look good to them. Remember that looks are to some extent subjective. People debate which celebrity looks more attractive all the time. If looks were 100% objective there would be no such debate and we can all agree on someone who is the most attractive of us all. No one would tell you that you look good out of pity. Why do they want to pity you? It's likely your inner demons telling you otherwise.

Mirrors and especially cameras can be extremely deceptive. Lighting can make or break a face. You almost never see celebrities or influencers in bad lighting, so you get the idea that they look good in all lighting. Google bad photos of celebrities, and you'll see that even them, widely regarded as the pinnacle of attractiveness, require good lighting to look the way they do. Front cameras are notorious for distortions, so it's totally normal to look bad in them. Back cameras are better, and professional cameras are even better, but then other factors like facial expressions come into play.

Be careful of unrealistic expectations. Celebrities has a whole team dedicated to making them look as good as possible, and won't appear in public without looking their best. People on social media use (sometimes extreme) filters and only post the best photos. None of these are realistic standards of beauty.

Remember that very VERY few people are "ugly" or even "hideous". Go look at people in a grocery store. How many people would you describe as "hideous"? Probably none. Unless you have a deformity, or actively neglect your appearance, chances are you look at least average.

Do you think that your appearance has negatively affected you in your life? If so, you may benefit from solving the underlying problems. I thought I was ugly because I never had a girlfriend. After working on my social skills and actually talking to women, I got a girlfriend and my opinion of my looks massively improved. If not, I suggest therapy, as the problems clearly stem from inside.

If you want, you can DM me your photos and I'll tell you from the perspective of a man if you look good or not. My money is on that you look at least average.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

Most people that think they're ugly, usually aren't. The saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is true. I've seen plenty of male models on ads on the TV that I do not find attractive at all, and others, I have, so there's that. And they are models, so apparently they *are* attractive, but not to everyone.

I do understand this though, and I know how it can consume a person, especially if that is all you think about all day long, which is the worst thing you could possibly do, because it feeds into your insecurities, but I understand how difficult it is not to think this way when you have those beliefs about yourself.

I believe I am ugly as shit, I have my entire life, but I have also been told by professionals I have body dysmorphia. I don't think about it anywhere near as much as I used to - it used to be all day long, and now it's down to several times a day, but I hadn't until I got with an abusive partner, but because he's broken me down so much, I think about it a lot.

In my opinion, everyone is attractive in their own way.

I tend to see the beauty in everyone else around me too. it's ironic, but i just can't apply the same logic when it comes to myself.

You are probably suffering from body dysmorphia. I also used to think I was so ugly that I had no prospects of love. Now I think I'm average, maybe even above average. It takes work, but it can absolutely be done.

You said that there are people who tell you that you look good. That probably means you do look good to them. Remember that looks are to some extent subjective. People debate which celebrity looks more attractive all the time. If looks were 100% objective there would be no such debate and we can all agree on someone who is the most attractive of us all. No one would tell you that you look good out of pity. Why do they want to pity you? It's likely your inner demons telling you otherwise.

Mirrors and especially cameras can be extremely deceptive. Lighting can make or break a face. You almost never see celebrities or influencers in bad lighting, so you get the idea that they look good in all lighting. Google bad photos of celebrities, and you'll see that even them, widely regarded as the pinnacle of attractiveness, require good lighting to look the way they do. Front cameras are notorious for distortions, so it's totally normal to look bad in them. Back cameras are better, and professional cameras are even better, but then other factors like facial expressions come into play.

Be careful of unrealistic expectations. Celebrities has a whole team dedicated to making them look as good as possible, and won't appear in public without looking their best. People on social media use (sometimes extreme) filters and only post the best photos. None of these are realistic standards of beauty.

Remember that very VERY few people are "ugly" or even "hideous". Go look at people in a grocery store. How many people would you describe as "hideous"? Probably none. Unless you have a deformity, or actively neglect your appearance, chances are you look at least average.

Do you think that your appearance has negatively affected you in your life? If so, you may benefit from solving the underlying problems. I thought I was ugly because I never had a girlfriend. After working on my social skills and actually talking to women, I got a girlfriend and my opinion of my looks massively improved. If not, I suggest therapy, as the problems clearly stem from inside.

If you want, you can DM me your photos and I'll tell you from the perspective of a man if you look good or not. My money is on that you look at least average.

Thank you

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I tend to see the beauty in everyone else around me too. it's ironic, but i just can't apply the same logic when it comes to myself.

Thank you

Because you don't see yourself the way others see you (attractive), and that comes with body dysmorphia I'm afraid. It doesn't matter how much reassurance you have, you will never believe it.

It's important to work on yourself in order to change your perception of yourself (therapy and self help tips online). It can be achieved, but it takes a lot of hard work. It comes from somewhere so that's the point of therapy - to look into that, process it, and in turn, it'll help you work on yourself (insecurities), and eventually, you'll learn to love yourself (I don't mean in a vain way, more self acceptance).

I know it sounds really scary, and it is, but with a bit of self belief, it'll come.

Also, sometimes we tend to focus on something else rather than the actual (deep rooted) issues, because we don't want to face them. It's hard for you to see right now, but you will, in time.

I hope things ease for you

 

[maniac116]

I truly believe that a persons beauty comes from deep inside us. I've dated physically beautiful people before that turned out to be very ugly people because of their thoughts, behavior & attitudes.
I've had 3 longterm relationships in my life & none were strikingly beautiful looking but their beauty eminated from the inside by way of kindness, empathy & loving attitude towards others

 

[PianoGoat]

I truly believe that a persons beauty comes from deep inside us. I've dated physically beautiful people before that turned out to be very ugly people because of their thoughts, behavior & attitudes.
I've had 3 longterm relationships in my life & none were strikingly beautiful looking but their beauty eminated from the inside by way of kindness, empathy & loving attitude towards others

I swear to god this matters more than anything else.
You can be with the most gorgeous human in existance but i've heard SO MANY stories (and experienced it myself) about insane narcissistic partners.
And it's usually (NOT ALWAYS!) these "conventionally beautiful" people who are incredibly messed up in the head, thinking they can walk on top of anyone and just do what they please with other humans that are inferior to them.

Does that sound beautiful to you?
You are more beautiful than any of those people. To me for sure

 

[Overwhelmed52]

The happiest people are the ones who are comfortable in their own skin (and I am saying that as someone who isn't). A lot of beautiful get taken advantage of and treated pretty badly, in any event.

 

[diseasedPOS]

Trust: there is someone out there who is into you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And there is a difference in being unattractive and disgusting.

Unattractive is an opinion and can often even be changed with surgery, gym, make up, whatever.

Disgusting is a fact - like having something incurable and genetic like Grover's Disease which makes my one's skin a great source of shame (fuck Jesus Christ).

So take heart: you actually ARE attractive. It's just to whom and where are those people.

 

[Apathy79]

World says I'm beautiful; I say I'm ugly.
See the beauty in everyone else; can't see it in myself.

From an outsider looking in, this looks like dysmorphia. Self judgments are hard to trust. I'd trust enough people have said it that they believe it.

 

[lavenderlilylies]

Trust: there is someone out there who is into you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And there is a difference in being unattractive and disgusting.

Unattractive is an opinion and can often even be changed with surgery, gym, make up, whatever.

Disgusting is a fact - like having something incurable and genetic like Grover's Disease which makes my one's skin a great source of shame (fuck Jesus Christ).

So take heart: you actually ARE attractive. It's just to whom and where are those people.

thank you. and although it may sound hypocritical, i genuinely believe the same applies for you

World says I'm beautiful; I say I'm ugly.
See the beauty in everyone else; can't see it in myself.

From an outsider looking in, this looks like dysmorphia. Self judgments are hard to trust. I'd trust enough people have said it that they believe it.

i hope you're right. if that's it than at least it's reassuring to know i look better than i see myself. even if my view doesn't change

 

[diseasedPOS]

thank you. and although it may sound hypocritical, i genuinely believe the same applies for you

i hope you're right. if that's it than at least it's reassuring to know i look better than i see myself. even if my view doesn't change

Hilariously, it primarily affects the torso. World says I'm man pretty. Facts say that when my clothes come off, I look contagious. (fuck jesus christ)

Just lie to your dysmorphia. Wish it was as easy as lying the diseases away. I wouldn't be here.