coolgal82
she/her, terminally silly :3
- Sep 10, 2024
- 438
its hitting me again after yesterday where i went on a rant about my besties and how much i hated them cus like idk they didnt ask where i was when i didnt vc or something? idk it was fucking stupid and like idk how i could say that shit when everything i said was just basically wrong. it hit me like when after i posted that they dmed me asking if i was alright but honestly i was too high to comprehend it so its only hitting me today and i feel so fucking awful for everything i said and thought im such a selfish terrible bitch how the fuck could i say or think that shit when theyve done so much for me and been so awesome.
im terrible in other ways too like way too much to go into but ive done that kinda thing with other friendgroups where a small conflict makes me go "fuck you you guys dont respect me" then i leave then i cope for a bit like "i miss them but its for the better" then later its like "fuck i miss them but they probably hate me now cus im awful"
also i cant stand not getting my own way especially irl and either just beg until my parents give in and basically take advantage of them, or just end up flipping out over some tiny fucking thing. im so terrible to them i wish they hated me tbh i dont get why they dont they should itd be the reasonable option ive been nothing but awful to them pretty much forever ive been having like a meltdown or causing them stress in other ways and not returning like any of the good stuff they do for me.
honestly i just act (and feel) like a fucking child and i have no idea how to mature i hate it i hate it i hate myself so much im the fucking worst i hope my besties leave me so i can get the courage to ctb tbh. honestly i feel guilty about how it'd upset my parents but even then like its saving them from alot of future stress and i think they'll be glad at some point. i just wish i had the courage to actually do it.
im terrible in other ways too like way too much to go into but ive done that kinda thing with other friendgroups where a small conflict makes me go "fuck you you guys dont respect me" then i leave then i cope for a bit like "i miss them but its for the better" then later its like "fuck i miss them but they probably hate me now cus im awful"
also i cant stand not getting my own way especially irl and either just beg until my parents give in and basically take advantage of them, or just end up flipping out over some tiny fucking thing. im so terrible to them i wish they hated me tbh i dont get why they dont they should itd be the reasonable option ive been nothing but awful to them pretty much forever ive been having like a meltdown or causing them stress in other ways and not returning like any of the good stuff they do for me.
honestly i just act (and feel) like a fucking child and i have no idea how to mature i hate it i hate it i hate myself so much im the fucking worst i hope my besties leave me so i can get the courage to ctb tbh. honestly i feel guilty about how it'd upset my parents but even then like its saving them from alot of future stress and i think they'll be glad at some point. i just wish i had the courage to actually do it.