One thing that gives me peace

[affirmatice]

One thing that gives me some peace. Although I think we can all agree that living in this state… is the farthest thing from peace.

But something that I think about is, we'll all reach death eventually. Sure it would be far better to live a fulfilling, happy life and die with the knowledge that we're happy with what we have done in our existence.

But regardless of if you die by your own hands in the deepest turmoil. Or if you die in 50 years of natural causes. We all die eventually, the only difference is potentially we may reach our non-existence sooner.

But given the fact that non-existence is the ultimate and undeniable "finish line" of our lives. When you think about it, there is not too much of a difference. All of our joys and many sufferings only matter because we're alive. Once we're gone, they are equally unimportant

 

[SilentSadness]

Unfortunately, that doesn't really give me peace at all, the idea of suffering for 50 more years sounds infinitely hellish and almost unthinkable to me. My suffering matters because I have to experience it, there's no way to disassociate from it, it's torture. I'm glad if you found some peace from that thought though.

 

[pariah80]

One thing that gives me some peace. Although I think we can all agree that living in this state… is the farthest thing from peace.

But something that I think about is, we'll all reach death eventually. Sure it would be far better to live a fulfilling, happy life and die with the knowledge that we're happy with what we have done in our existence.

But regardless of if you die by your own hands in the deepest turmoil. Or if you die in 50 years of natural causes. We all die eventually, the only difference is potentially we may reach our non-existence sooner.

But given the fact that non-existence is the ultimate and undeniable "finish line" of our lives. When you think about it, there is not too much of a difference. All of our joys and many sufferings only matter because we're alive. Once we're gone, they are equally unimportant

Well, catching the bus actually gives me relief. Given the circumstances and context in which I was born into, I did the best the absolute best I could. Sure, things could've been better. Things always can be. However, given the fact that I was born to poor parents who weren't financially nor psychologically prepared to be parents... that I was abused and neglected by those parents... that I am autistic, and was born at a time when autism was rarely (if at all) being researched... that I experienced abuse and bullying of the worst kind... and still was able to escape that and basically overcome it... gives me satisfaction. I can leave this world knowing that this life didn't fully break me. I'm catching the bus to save what is left of my beautiful, creative, and fun soul.

I made the best decisions I could, given the context in which I existed. It's fun to sit around and fantasize about how much better things could've been. However, those fantasies are born out of hindsight. At that moment in time, I made the best decisions I could've possibly made. Sometimes, I made bad decisions. However, I did the best I could with the hand I was dealt. And that gives me peace and allows me to quell my SI. I think (for me personally) I'm jumping out of this reality at a good spot. Whatever work I was supposed to do, I've done it. And that gives me relief and peace.

So, I mostly do agree with you. This was a good post.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

The one guarantee in life is that no one makes it out alive.

 

[affirmatice]

Unfortunately, that doesn't really give me peace at all, the idea of suffering for 50 more years sounds infinitely hellish and almost unthinkable to me. My suffering matters because I have to experience it, there's no way to disassociate from it, it's torture. I'm glad if you found some peace from that thought though.

I don't mean I get peace in knowing it will end one day. More so, if I chose to end it early, it'll simply be an earlier occurrence of what was already guaranteed to happen. I too, am on this forum for a reason, each day has been indescribably difficylt

Well, catching the bus actually gives me relief. Given the circumstances and context in which I was born into, I did the best the absolute best I could. Sure, things could've been better. Things always can be. However, given the fact that I was born to poor parents who weren't financially nor psychologically prepared to be parents... that I was abused and neglected by those parents... that I am autistic, and was born at a time when autism was rarely (if at all) being researched... that I experienced abuse and bullying of the worst kind... and still was able to escape that and basically overcome it... gives me satisfaction. I can leave this world knowing that this life didn't fully break me. I'm catching the bus to save what is left of my beautiful, creative, and fun soul.

I made the best decisions I could, given the context in which I existed. It's fun to sit around and fantasize about how much better things could've been. However, those fantasies are born out of hindsight. At that moment in time, I made the best decisions I could've possibly made. Sometimes, I made bad decisions. However, I did the best I could with the hand I was dealt. And that gives me peace and allows me to quell my SI. I think (for me personally) I'm jumping out of this reality at a good spot. Whatever work I was supposed to do, I've done it. And that gives me relief and peace.

So, I mostly do agree with you. This was a good post.

The amount I relate to this is insane.

Funny, because I was born to wealthy parents who should've provided me with a privileged and simple life. I have no mental disorders, nor was I abnormal in any major way.

Yet they failed me. They were flawed and neglectful of me. As a child, I made the decisions that I thought were correct, but they were wrong. And my parents did not pay enough care to correct them.

I have an amazing spirit. I don't feel arrogant in saying that. I'm creative, passionate, intelligent, and humorous. Yet, without getting into details, that part of me has been killed. In many ways due to my parents' neglect of me.

I've descended into a cold, bitter, mess of a person. I lost my naivety towards life at a very young age. Each day has been a struggle that is indescribable to the "normal" human.

I'd rather end it before seeing the person I become. At this rate, I'm going to become a bitter, unfulfilled, miserable human. I've tried my best the last 5 years to maintain my spirit. It's almost gone now. And I'd rather die now than continue down this route.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand as in my case death truly would be the only relief, the only peace for me could ever lie in never existing again, all I see as desirable is being permanently unable to suffer. What comforts me about death is that if I'm gone then nothing can matter to me and all is finally forgotten about, I just wish to be unconscious for all eternity with this existence no longer my problem.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes we all will die . to me non-existence is a trillion times better than being alive . however i don't want to go through extreme torture so i have to kill myself asap . i don't want to suffer for years . yes non-existence will solve every problem for me but in the meantime im suffering because i'm alive .

 

[Roadrunner]

One thing that gives me some peace. Although I think we can all agree that living in this state… is the farthest thing from peace.

But something that I think about is, we'll all reach death eventually. Sure it would be far better to live a fulfilling, happy life and die with the knowledge that we're happy with what we have done in our existence.

But regardless of if you die by your own hands in the deepest turmoil. Or if you die in 50 years of natural causes. We all die eventually, the only difference is potentially we may reach our non-existence sooner.

But given the fact that non-existence is the ultimate and undeniable "finish line" of our lives. When you think about it, there is not too much of a difference. All of our joys and many sufferings only matter because we're alive. Once we're gone, they are equally unimportant

You know, your post actually made me feel good. I want to CTB but am both scared, and feel guilty about it. What you said reminds me that all I'll be doing is changing the how and when (and where, but thats a nit), but the final outcome remains the same.