Venting Only one person on this earth

[meowmix]

There's only one person on earth that stops me from killing myself. And that's my boyfriend. I want to call him my husband but we're not legally married yet.

You see. As obvious as it is, I really have to go. Time's running and I'm tired of chasing it. Everything is after me. I don't care if it's a responsibility or obligation. I am tired and I am too mentally disabled to do anything that stresses me out at this point. I wish everyone would leave me alone actually. I wish my boyfriend would someday come to hate me which is just wishing on the impossible. I wish he would. It would be my final push.

With him around, it gives me the idea that I Have to live. Because I Can be happy with him if I Just Get Through this phase of my life where I just keep running away. I'm tired. The bridge is just a few 200 something meters away. I can always jump. Though, the height of the bridge is too low. I'd only be able to break my legs and drown in the river.

Whatever will I ever do with me.

 

[dontlook]

I relate a lot to this. My partner is the only thing keeping me here. It's such a struggle. Especially bc she's also doing really poorly. Ugh. Idk what to do

 

[meowmix]

I relate a lot to this. My partner is the only thing keeping me here. It's such a struggle. Especially bc she's also doing really poorly. Ugh. Idk what to do

I'm thinking in this situation, nobody really knows what to do. Aside from manipulating them to hating you I guess, but that'd be too sociopathic to do. And even so, we love them too much to do That. Idk. Sometimes I think to myself if I just invite my boyfriend and kill ourselves together. But I know he'd always say that he'd rather live with me for a while then die together in the end.
I'm so tired. Only had 3 hours of sleep. Running on coffee and cigarettes to stay up rn. My body is so tired. I wish I could finally relax and rest forever

 

[dontlook]

I'm thinking in this situation, nobody really knows what to do. Aside from manipulating them to hating you I guess, but that'd be too sociopathic to do. And even so, we love them too much to do That. Idk. Sometimes I think to myself if I just invite my boyfriend and kill ourselves together. But I know he'd always say that he'd rather live with me for a while then die together in the end.
I'm so tired. Only had 3 hours of sleep. Running on coffee and cigarettes to stay up rn. My body is so tired. I wish I could finally relax and rest forever

I actually had that conversation with her, about killing ourselves together. She said she wants to try to live. I can't ask her to commit, even if I think me commiting would push her to it. There's no way I'd ever pressure her into it and so I think I'll have to do it alone.

I'm sorry about the sleep but I feel that. I go through cycles of sleeping too much and too little. Just got out of a few months of not sleeping now I'm sleeping too much. I kind of hate sleeping