willitpass
The awful things we do to make the head go quiet
- Mar 10, 2020
- 3,344
It's exhausting being here almost double the average length of stay. The entire unit has rotated through patients about twice now… With the exception of me. Every past resident I've formed a bond with is gone. I'm not in my home state, I'm hours away from anyone I know outside of here. My only constant are staff, and obviously there are pretty set limitations on how deep that connection can go. I'm lonely. Talking to my family and friends on the phone isn't the same, and sometimes only leads to me feeling even more isolated when they talk about all of the ways they are living their lives yet I'm stuck here. The world is still spinning while I am trapped in treatment. I'm touch starved. The only way I would be able to get human contact is if I were to have visitors, but I don't have anyone in my life able to travel just to come see me for a few hours. I've managed to sneak a hug or hand hold in to other residents a couple of times, but what I long for is to be held. A long, long hug with someone I care about deeply. I'm on my own little island. I miss home. I miss freedom. I miss my cat. I miss autonomy. I miss privacy. I miss spontaneity. The hardest part is not knowing if I'll ever make it to that. It's not out of the realm of possibility that I CTB before I ever make it back home.
