Venting People keep trying to find me a boyfriend

[sserafim]

People keep trying to find me a boyfriend. They're like "you're so pretty, why don't you have a boyfriend yet?" They want to introduce me to people, but honestly, I couldn't care less. It's just so annoying. A boyfriend is the least of my concerns. I don't even want one anyways.

 

[R_N]

Why aren't you in relationship yet? Why aren't you married yet? Why don't you have kids yet? Why don't you buy this? Why are you not dressed like this? This hair color would suit you better. There you go, you are so perfect when you conform to expectations.

You can't just "be" by yourself. Follow the plan.

 

[sserafim]

Why aren't you in relationship yet? Why aren't you married yet? Why don't you have kids yet? Why don't you buy this? Why are you not dressed like this? This hair color would suit you better. There you go, you are so perfect when you conform to expectations.

You can't just "be" by yourself. Follow the plan.

It's honestly so annoying. I hate how people expect us to do these things. I don't want any of it. I hate how we're expected to conform to societal expectations, and how they're imposed onto us.

 

[Document6105]

Just be you and look for a partner when you find it appropriate.
Don't take others expectations into consideration at all, you're not them.

 

[sserafim]

Just be you and look for a partner when you find it appropriate.
Don't take others expectations into consideration at all, you're not them.

Thanks but I'm aroace and I don't want a partner. I hate that society expects us to have one.

 

[Document6105]

Thanks but I'm aroace and I don't want a partner. I hate that society expects us to have one.

That's fine as well.
I'm gray-A, in other words I don't really have a "drive" to seek a partner like typical people do. I didn't care about dating for >15 years.
You may find yourself looking into dating 10 tears from now. Or never.

Point being, focus on you, not others.

 

[R_N]

Thanks but I'm aroace and I don't want a partner. I hate that society expects us to have one.

Don't worry. They can't force you to be in relationships.

But I get you. People expecting us to like things they do creates weird situations. Not all of them mean bad by it tho but sometimes we wish they take a hint right.

I think how we carry ourselves sometimes doesn't help either. Coupled with something being a norm people won't believe you are being sincere. They will think you are just shy or smth.

Being confident in your "no" and saying your piece can maybe make a difference but doing that you will also alienate yourself. It all depends on your relations with people you interact with and how open they are.

And also if you benefit more from being a chameleon or burning bridges etc.

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

Real lmao

No one considers the fact people want to (prob should) focus on building themselves and not just dive between or for relationships

 

[L0nely]

Relatable. I'm 21 and the amount of pressure my family puts on me because I'm alone is insane.
I simply don't want to date anyone (not that anyone would wan to date me either lol).

 

[username8888]

People keep trying to find me a boyfriend. They're like "you're so pretty, why don't you have a boyfriend yet?"

What do you mean people keep trying to find you a boyfriend? Your family? Don't they stop doing that when you say 'No' to them? Is it a cultural thing?

Don't worry. They can't force you to be in relationships.

But I get you. People expecting us to like things they do creates weird situations. Not all of them mean bad by it tho but sometimes we wish they take a hint right.

I think how we carry ourselves sometimes doesn't help either. Coupled with something being a norm people won't believe you are being sincere. They will think you are just shy or smth.

Being confident in your "no" and saying your piece can maybe make a difference but doing that you will also alienate yourself. It all depends on your relations with people you interact with and how open they are.

And also if you benefit more from being a chameleon or burning bridges etc.

What you said is description of cringe induced toxic relationship 101. Thanks, my family is too focus on my uncle's gambling problem that they don't even bother to even bring having children thing.

 

[theslasher]

I was once pressured into a relationship. I knew deep down that it was not a good time, and I had so many other priorities to focus on, but all of my friends at the time guilt tripped me into it. I fucking folded, and I mean she was great and all, but I didn't like her like that. Next thing you know this girl wants to marry me. What the fuck? 4 months in? Hell nah, I felt like Robin from How I Met Your Mother when Ted said some boggus ass shit like "I think I'm in love with you." get that shit outta here bro. The life expectancy is around 80 years, we're only 20% of the way into this thing, and you're telling me 4 months after meeting me that you're 100% sure you wanna spend the rest of your life with me? Slow down.

Me personally, and especially as a young man with currently little money, it makes zero sense to get into a relationship. I also could casually date or hookup too but I just don't care for that. It's kind of a waste of time if you have zero intention to marry them. So at this point it makes more sense to focus on developing my skillsets and maximizing my earning potential. Once I get further along in that journey then maybe I'll consider it, but my last relationship did the exact opposite of helping me reach my goals. Our friend group would just hang out, spend money, drink alcohol, do brainless fucking activities, idk it was ight but also it was also a big hole in my pocket and even more depressing because it made my goals even further away. My parents could see my situation and they kind of understand where I'm at. But there is still this weird underlying pressure by them and the whole family.

The thing is, the opinions and expectations of others do nothing to serve you. They have the least amount of context of your life, so there is zero reason to hold their opinions in a higher regard than your own.

That being said, I'm not completely opposed to it, I think having a woman by my side would by cool but 99% of them would just distract me from my goals. And there's nothing more depressing for a man than to make zero progress towards his goal.. And hey, there's probably a few girls out there that could actually really help me and we could get there together as a team, but that's pretty rare. For now I know my priorities and I'm gonna stick to them regardless of anyone else's opinion.

 

[sserafim]

What do you mean people keep trying to find you a boyfriend? Your family? Don't they stop doing that when you say 'No' to them? Is it a cultural thing?

What you said is description of cringe induced toxic relationship 101. Thanks, my family is too focus on my uncle's gambling problem that they don't even bother to even bring having children thing.

Family friends

 

[BornHated]

Same boat, but I'm a bit older. It started when they realized I probably wasn't going to become a doctor lol.

 

[sserafim]

Same boat, but I'm a bit older. It started when they realized I probably wasn't going to become a doctor lol.

My family want me to become a doctor too

What do you mean people keep trying to find you a boyfriend? Your family? Don't they stop doing that when you say 'No' to them? Is it a cultural thing?

What you said is description of cringe induced toxic relationship 101. Thanks, my family is too focus on my uncle's gambling problem that they don't even bother to even bring having children thing.

My dad also expects me to get married and have children. He wants me to continue the family line. I guess it's a cultural thing?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

In the case of society saying this, they have no privacy at all or consideration of what the other person wants and it's gross. In the case of family and close friends saying this, it's even worse as I feel like they should know better yet they seem to care more intensely about their own desires than that of the person they keep on asking these questions to. I'm sorry that people keep on annoying you with these questions, it's absolutely unfair

 

[Final_Choice]

My friends also try to do that, at first I kind of wanted a relationship so I went with it but after a bit I didn't want that anymore but they persisted. I had to say I'm asexual just for them to stop.