Picking my date

[Kadaver]

I think I'm just so done with feeling this way. My depression and dysphoria is too much and on top of that, my closest friend barely talks to me anymore. I'm just so tired. On new years I felt really shifty because that marks another year I've been fucking depressed as shit

If things don't get better before my next birthday this year, I'm going to kill myself on that day. I got that idea from someone on here—that way the people I love only have to remember me once a year. Part of me just wants to talk—to my friend, to my family. But I can't. If I tell them I want to kill myself they'll put me back into a fucking hospital where I'll have to play nice until they let me out because they limit my freedom so much it's suffocating

I want things to get better, but I really don't think they will. They've been shit for like 10 years now, I don't think "waiting out the storm" is possible. I keep thinking about how I'm going to do it—in a hotel by myself with SN. I know I'll text my best friend, tell him I love him and that he's my best friend and I'm sorry for everything. I hope he'll talk to me while I go. I hope he'll say he loves me and that he's been doing good. I plan to write everyone I love a lengthy note saying I'm sorry and goodbye. I'll probably post a generalized one on my Facebook where the rest of my family can see

I'm really anxious about death and dying, but I'm so fucking tired of my life. I'm tired of being a disappointment. I'm tired of being a failure. I'm tired of how my brain and emotions constantly torment me. I want to be free, and I'm going to die eventually, so I think I'm going to try and face my fear for once.

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry to hear about all that~ :( I wish people around you truly cared more for you, and it's sad that they don't~ :( I'm sorry your best friend doesn't talk to you as much anymore~ >_< It's still super cool that you have one tho! :D If you're able to, I'd try to initiate conversations with him but not be too pushy so as to scare him off~ :) and perhaps, if you still have too much time alone, you can try and get other friends online like on here or other places! ^_^
anyways, depression really sucks and dysphoria does supremely too~ :( it'd be nice if God just forced us to be born as the right gender, but ig, we can be born different from how we were intended to be~ :( I wish things could get better for both of us after so many years and years of pain, but the world can certainly be awful that way~ :(

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of suffering, I just wish to be free from it all as well, I hope you find the relief you search for.

 

[human909]

I hope you find the peace you've been looking for.