deepsweetdiver
Member
- Dec 10, 2024
- 49
Continuing off my last post about this. That was all nice stuff to prepare me, this will be the actual final act.
1. It would be night by now, obviously I'm going to a nightclub, extra points if its a drag show- I need a little fun before I ctb.
2. Come back home, and finish any work I need to, but mainly sorting stuff out for family to keep or to be sold. If not, I'll get on my way to a forest near my home. It's a quaint little park that leads into a trail and then cuts off to trees and grass.
3. Final music time/drugging my self up. I'll listen to music for an hour-ish, and take whatever amount of zoloft my heart desires and whatever opioids I can actually get my hands on. I'll smoke a little too.
4. A lot of contemplation and thinking to myself. I'll pray to whatever's out there, hope for heaven or nothingness, and please PLEASE nothing to do with this insufferable planet. If all the stuff kicks in by now I'll cut myself wherever and as deep as I possibly can.
5. This will go either two ways-
a. if i go by (full suspension) hanging, I'll get my noose and find a tough tree and prop up a stool. Say my final words, think my final thoughts. Kick the stool and then I'll be gone in a few.
b. preferably, if i go by gunshot, I'll find a particularly plant-y ? area. I want to just return to dust. Fungi and bugs can get some fuel from me. I'll fire a couple rounds to make sure the gun still works. Same thing, final words and thoughts, put the gun in my mouth, and pull the trigger.
It's oddly comforting writing this all. I'll return to nature by myself and that's just how I want it. I don't want to die hooked up to 100 machines nonverbal and drooling. I want to be gone in a blink of an eye, and I will. I dread the day I finally carry this out, but I still have things to do before I go.
1. It would be night by now, obviously I'm going to a nightclub, extra points if its a drag show- I need a little fun before I ctb.
2. Come back home, and finish any work I need to, but mainly sorting stuff out for family to keep or to be sold. If not, I'll get on my way to a forest near my home. It's a quaint little park that leads into a trail and then cuts off to trees and grass.
3. Final music time/drugging my self up. I'll listen to music for an hour-ish, and take whatever amount of zoloft my heart desires and whatever opioids I can actually get my hands on. I'll smoke a little too.
4. A lot of contemplation and thinking to myself. I'll pray to whatever's out there, hope for heaven or nothingness, and please PLEASE nothing to do with this insufferable planet. If all the stuff kicks in by now I'll cut myself wherever and as deep as I possibly can.
5. This will go either two ways-
a. if i go by (full suspension) hanging, I'll get my noose and find a tough tree and prop up a stool. Say my final words, think my final thoughts. Kick the stool and then I'll be gone in a few.
b. preferably, if i go by gunshot, I'll find a particularly plant-y ? area. I want to just return to dust. Fungi and bugs can get some fuel from me. I'll fire a couple rounds to make sure the gun still works. Same thing, final words and thoughts, put the gun in my mouth, and pull the trigger.
It's oddly comforting writing this all. I'll return to nature by myself and that's just how I want it. I don't want to die hooked up to 100 machines nonverbal and drooling. I want to be gone in a blink of an eye, and I will. I dread the day I finally carry this out, but I still have things to do before I go.
