I had such a small moment of sanity today to ask my husband to pick me up from work and he works not far from where I worked. I already had my method ready and if not for that, I would have driven myself off to hang. The rejection is so unbearable. I have nothing to offer in this world but to possibly offer some use as a worker and provide money to my kids. I am unable to keep a job.
My husband did not take me to a hospital like I asked. I am worried about the aftermath of dealing with that after reading people's stories here and losing custody of my kids. Not for me, but because my kids will lose their stepdad. If I ctb, they will lose their stepdad and stability and chance at mental wellbeing.
I will be left alone at home tomorrow. I still have my method. I don't know how I will feel when I wake up. Better? Much worse? Tomorrow might be my last day. I'm so sorry for my kids. I wish they could have their stepdad even when I am gone.
I find it a little ironic that the one boss I did admit I was suicidal to and who is not a partner, he was the one to pack up my desk for my husband after I was taken home. That boss packed my method neatly into the box for me.
Contact the ACLU and see what they say - if you are based in the USA. If you have proof you were ill - hospitals, doctors, etc. then a court or tribunal in my country will deduce through common sense and logic the likelihood you would have told them about this and that your employment ended shortly thereafter. Consider how people are bullied in work situations and there is often no proof. In fact there is rarely proof in discrimination cases because again employers never come out and say "We are firing you because you are disable, transgender, gay, have mental health issues, are Hispanic, Black, Muslim etc"
I have no interest. Everyone is saying apply for jobs. I have no interest in this either. I'm unable to work jobs as history shows. I'm unable to build relationships, unable to get along with people. I'm entirely useless. people don't want me around and I can't blame them. I don't want me around. I don't want to be around. once I am gone I will stop caring about kids and custody. it won't matter. In hundred yrs it won't matter anyway. nothing matters.
just like when you leave a job all of your clients, cases, become meaningless. you stop thinking of them. I have to let go of worrying about people after I die.