Please help, losing my mind

[An0nym0us1999]

It's kind of a long story but I'll try to shorten it. For a few years, I have subconsciously wanted to CTB. Not really out of sadness, but just out of not seeing a point to life. I ended up joining the Army as infantry because I figured maybe something would happen to me overseas and I wouldn't have to come back and work a normal job, etc. Ended up having a friend who was a girl, she begged me to date her. I told her no. She was persistent. After a few months of heckling, I agreed to date her. I knew she would cheat, lie, and leave, as every woman had done to me before. I graduated two years before her (we went to a tech school, we met in my shop as she did her exploratory) and went into the Army. She wrote me every single day. I ended up purposely dropping out, figuring her and I could start a family. All the drill sergeants joked about how they are all divorced, etc. I didnt want that. I wanted to have happiness, not an alcohol problem and stories. So I dropped out of Basic training and came home. For months things went great. Her dad is a prick, power hungry and tries to bar her from seeing me, as he uses her a slave around the house. I got an apartment and car at 19, and built a foundation for her and I. She cheated a few months into the relationship, but has since made it up to me. I just couldn't let it go. I kept feeling the anger and bringing it up. It tore us apart, even though it happened months before I left for the Army. Fast forward to the last couple weeks. She never sees me. Shes always with my sister or my mom but never with me. Long story and theres alot of factors. But she broke it off today. I gave up everything for her, I based my whole life around us and she up and left without even saying goodbye. I've wanted to CTB for years but distracted myself. Now the distraction is gone. And I'm terrified. I own a shotgun and I can't bring myself to do it. Loading it and putting it in my mouth is terrifying. At heart, I want to be with her. I don't want to CTB. But my brain is smart enough to see that she is done with me, there isnt any going back. There's alot more to the story but I don't expect anyone to read this as it is. I just don't know what to do. I hate work, I hate bills, and I don't want to watch my mom and grandma die before me. The solution is right next to my bed. But I can't bring myself to do it, even after drinking. I keep telling myself that she will be back, but she definitely wont. How do I muster the courage. I feel like if I was gonna do it, I wouldnt even be posting on a forum, id just do it. I feel like this is little more than glorified stalling.
Sorry for the length. There's more to the story, but I figured I'd try to give the most essential details. I don't know where else to turn.
I should also add that I am religious. I do not have a specific denomination per say, probably Christian. I don't practice but I have pretty strong faith after the Army. I'm afraid of going to Hell. In a weird way, I feel like God wants this for me. I feel like He wants me to do this, but on the same token, what if I'm wrong. I don't want to end up in eternal sufferage because of a choice I made here. Please no anti religious stuff here, its really my only comfort right now.

 

[TraumaBunny]

It's kind of a long story but I'll try to shorten it. For a few years, I have subconsciously wanted to CTB. Not really out of sadness, but just out of not seeing a point to life. I ended up joining the Army as infantry because I figured maybe something would happen to me overseas and I wouldn't have to come back and work a normal job, etc. Ended up having a friend who was a girl, she begged me to date her. I told her no. She was persistent. After a few months of heckling, I agreed to date her. I knew she would cheat, lie, and leave, as every woman had done to me before. I graduated two years before her (we went to a tech school, we met in my shop as she did her exploratory) and went into the Army. She wrote me every single day. I ended up purposely dropping out, figuring her and I could start a family. All the drill sergeants joked about how they are all divorced, etc. I didnt want that. I wanted to have happiness, not an alcohol problem and stories. So I dropped out of Basic training and came home. For months things went great. Her dad is a prick, power hungry and tries to bar her from seeing me, as he uses her a slave around the house. I got an apartment and car at 19, and built a foundation for her and I. She cheated a few months into the relationship, but has since made it up to me. I just couldn't let it go. I kept feeling the anger and bringing it up. It tore us apart, even though it happened months before I left for the Army. Fast forward to the last couple weeks. She never sees me. Shes always with my sister or my mom but never with me. Long story and theres alot of factors. But she broke it off today. I gave up everything for her, I based my whole life around us and she up and left without even saying goodbye. I've wanted to CTB for years but distracted myself. Now the distraction is gone. And I'm terrified. I own a shotgun and I can't bring myself to do it. Loading it and putting it in my mouth is terrifying. At heart, I want to be with her. I don't want to CTB. But my brain is smart enough to see that she is done with me, there isnt any going back. There's alot more to the story but I don't expect anyone to read this as it is. I just don't know what to do. I hate work, I hate bills, and I don't want to watch my mom and grandma die before me. The solution is right next to my bed. But I can't bring myself to do it, even after drinking. I keep telling myself that she will be back, but she definitely wont. How do I muster the courage. I feel like if I was gonna do it, I wouldnt even be posting on a forum, id just do it. I feel like this is little more than glorified stalling.
Sorry for the length. There's more to the story, but I figured I'd try to give the most essential details. I don't know where else to turn.

Sounds like you were in a relationship with a Cluster B personality disorder. Idealise, devalue and discard... it's how they roll. It's emotionally traumatising, I know. But if you hang on in there, believe me, you will get over her.

She isn't worth your life and if you killed yourself it wouldn't even register on her conscience. It'd just make her feel relevant and she'd exploit the tragedy for more attention.

Please don't sacrifice yourself for such a vile creature.

 

[Throwaway9787]

Sorry youre going through this. If she cheated shes not that great to begin with, imo, so let her go, start over.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

Sounds like you were in a relationship with a Cluster B personality disorder. Idealise, devalue and discard... it's how they roll. It's emotionally traumatising, I know. But if you hang on in there, believe me, you will get over her.

She isn't worth your life and if you killed yourself it wouldn't even register on her conscience. It'd just make her feel relevant and she'd exploit the tragedy for more attention.

Please don't sacrifice yourself for such a vile creature.

Again, there's a bit more to it and normally I would agree. Her mom hung herself a couple months back and I helped her through it. Her parents were both vile, and my mom thinks maybe something got passed down to her. I just don't really buy that, because up until recently she was fine. Then she started detaching from me. Whenever I tried to being up feelings of CTB, she would (at first) cry and try to talk to me. As of about 6 months ago, she would just get angry. She never spoke about her feelings much, but a few times she did admit "it would be abandoning me like my mom did". So I don't know.

We defintely had some problems. She was always okay with another girl having a threesome with us. After she cheated, she allowed (and encouraged) me to find someone who would sleep with me. I eventually found someone and we hung out alot, but I KNOW that I made ABSOLUTE sure my girlfriend came first. This other girl was not a priority, and both of them knew it. I even asked just about every day if my girlfriend was still comfortable with me talking to someone else every now and again, she always said yes enthusiastically, which, made sense to me. She's okay with a threesome, she's bisexual, why would it matter?

Around the same time I met this other girl, her dad told her she couldn't see me until he and I talked. He's a controlling moron and I have alot of anger toward him. My GF knew this and told me to ignore him; she would sneak over and see me.
She did for a bit, but eventually stopped seeing me and hung out with my family instead.

Around the same time as that, she got a new job (metal fabrication) and was always tired and irritable. All three of those things added up, definitely didn't help.

Even after all of that, though, I never saw her leaving. Never. We dealt with her cheating, her mom dying (and telling us how she was going to do it), her father being an ass, many other things for two years. I never thought that after all that her and I could be seperated.

I don't want to live life period, its not about getting over her. But she gave me something to live for. Now that she is gone, all I do is stare at the clock, hoping I get a sudden urge to do it. I just don't know.

 

[TraumaBunny]

She'll likely hoover you in again down the line because that's what Cluster B's do with anyone designated to be their source of supply. You'll be recycled over and over if you're not careful. Learn to see what she really is, a lowly parasite seeking a host to feed from. She's a garden variety tick masquerading as a human being. She'll mirror everyone she meets in order to establish a superficial and fickle connection or bond to them, before growing bored of the act or getting caught. Then she'll run. It's because she has no actual personality of her own. She's just a void. I guarantee she'll be back in the future. Either for a place to stay or sex. It's because Cluster Bs never go away. So, instead of killing yourself use this time to heal in preparation for her inevitable return. Then kick her to the curb. It'll be worth the wait, trust me

 

[An0nym0us1999]

Sorry youre going through this. If she cheated shes not that great to begin with, imo, so let her go, start over.

As I said, it's a long story and we did work through that. I can say I wasn't 100% innocent and I'm sure I didnt make cheating on me the hardest decision to make. But either way, it killed me on the inside for a very long time. Maybe I beat a dead horse and brought it up too much. I'm honestly not sure. Yeah, it hurt me, but she DID make up for it and I let my anger get in the way of forgiveness, even after a year and a half.

 

[Throwaway9787]

Again, there's a bit more to it and normally I would agree. Her mom hung herself a couple months back and I helped her through it. Her parents were both vile, and my mom thinks maybe something got passed down to her. I just don't really buy that, because up until recently she was fine. Then she started detaching from me. Whenever I tried to being up feelings of CTB, she would (at first) cry and try to talk to me. As of about 6 months ago, she would just get angry. She never spoke about her feelings much, but a few times she did admit "it would be abandoning me like my mom did". So I don't know.

We defintely had some problems. She was always okay with another girl having a threesome with us. After she cheated, she allowed (and encouraged) me to find someone who would sleep with me. I eventually found someone and we hung out alot, but I KNOW that I made ABSOLUTE sure my girlfriend came first. This other girl was not a priority, and both of them knew it. I even asked just about every day if my girlfriend was still comfortable with me talking to someone else every now and again, she always said yes enthusiastically, which, made sense to me. She's okay with a threesome, she's bisexual, why would it matter?

Around the same time I met this other girl, her dad told her she couldn't see me until he and I talked. He's a controlling moron and I have alot of anger toward him. My GF knew this and told me to ignore him; she would sneak over and see me.
She did for a bit, but eventually stopped seeing me and hung out with my family instead.

Around the same time as that, she got a new job (metal fabrication) and was always tired and irritable. All three of those things added up, definitely didn't help.

Even after all of that, though, I never saw her leaving. Never. We dealt with her cheating, her mom dying (and telling us how she was going to do it), her father being an ass, many other things for two years. I never thought that after all that her and I could be seperated.

I don't want to live life period, its not about getting over her. But she gave me something to live for. Now that she is gone, all I do is stare at the clock, hoping I get a sudden urge to do it. I just don't know.

Everything that comes out of my mouth seems like a platitude, so I'll just idk man. I hope you can get through this

 

[Lookingforabus]

I'm afraid of going to Hell. In a weird way, I feel like God wants this for me. I feel like He wants me to do this, but on the same token, what if I'm wrong. I don't want to end up in eternal sufferage because of a choice I made here. Please no anti religious stuff here, its really my only comfort right now.

Well, there's no Biblical prohibition on suicide, if that helps. 8 are mentioned in the Bible, 3 are related with a somewhat positive moral judgement, 5 without any moral judgement at all. 1500 years ago, a Roman emperor declared suicide was a mortal sin with a rather creative reading of the commandment against murder, and a lot of Christian denominations just went along with that, for various reasons, but that idea is being increasingly questioned and rejected by modern Christianity.

I've never been able to square the idea of hell for suicides with a compassionate and loving God myself, but your milage may vary.

As to the rest, pain from heartbreak fades and you might find that something else can break you out of your depression - antidepressants, Tinder, any number of other things. I won't say anything as trite as "it gets better", but it's probably worth exploring your options to see if you can get over your shitty situation. If you can't, you can always come back to the fatal option later.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

She'll likely hoover you in again down the line because that's what Cluster B's do with anyone designated to be their source of supply. You'll be recycled over and over if you're not careful. Learn to see what she really is, a lowly parasite seeking a host to feed from. She's a garden variety tick masquerading as a human being. She'll mirror everyone she meets in order to establish a superficial and fickle connection or bond to them, before growing bored of the act or getting caught. Then she'll run. It's because she has no actual personality of her own. She's just a void. I guarantee she'll be back in the future. Either for a place to stay or sex. It's because Cluster Bs never go away. So, instead of killing yourself use this time to heal in preparation for her inevitable return. Then kick her to the curb. It'll be worth the wait, trust me

Its intresting that you say that, I've never heard of that term of disorder before. I've most definitely had girlfriends who fit that definition 110%, but not this one. She Dosent need anything from me. I am the only guy she has slept with and she has a house. Our plan was to move her in come October, actually, but I always worried something would stop it beforehand. And of course, I was right. I guess what I don't understand is, she needs nothing from me. I need her. For the last 4 months, every day, I beg to see her. She never made a single effort to see me. The first year and a half was perfect; she always did anything she could to see me. I just wish I knew why she is so willing to give up out of nowhere after two years.

 

[TraumaBunny]

Again, there's a bit more to it and normally I would agree. Her mom hung herself a couple months back and I helped her through it. Her parents were both vile, and my mom thinks maybe something got passed down to her. I just don't really buy that, because up until recently she was fine. Then she started detaching from me. Whenever I tried to being up feelings of CTB, she would (at first) cry and try to talk to me. As of about 6 months ago, she would just get angry. She never spoke about her feelings much, but a few times she did admit "it would be abandoning me like my mom did". So I don't know.

We defintely had some problems. She was always okay with another girl having a threesome with us. After she cheated, she allowed (and encouraged) me to find someone who would sleep with me. I eventually found someone and we hung out alot, but I KNOW that I made ABSOLUTE sure my girlfriend came first. This other girl was not a priority, and both of them knew it. I even asked just about every day if my girlfriend was still comfortable with me talking to someone else every now and again, she always said yes enthusiastically, which, made sense to me. She's okay with a threesome, she's bisexual, why would it matter?

Around the same time I met this other girl, her dad told her she couldn't see me until he and I talked. He's a controlling moron and I have alot of anger toward him. My GF knew this and told me to ignore him; she would sneak over and see me.
She did for a bit, but eventually stopped seeing me and hung out with my family instead.

Around the same time as that, she got a new job (metal fabrication) and was always tired and irritable. All three of those things added up, definitely didn't help.

Even after all of that, though, I never saw her leaving. Never. We dealt with her cheating, her mom dying (and telling us how she was going to do it), her father being an ass, many other things for two years. I never thought that after all that her and I could be seperated.

I don't want to live life period, its not about getting over her. But she gave me something to live for. Now that she is gone, all I do is stare at the clock, hoping I get a sudden urge to do it. I just don't know.

I have a military background myself, they break us down and turn us into codependent people. It's what enables us to blindly trust others with our lives with the innocence and naivety of a small child...

I've been there. I understand. But it also makes us susceptible to abusers, like your ex.

She isn't worthy of your allegiance, your loyalty or your life.

Don't let your codependency trick you into believing she's your ally. She was your enemy the entire time.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

Well, there's no Biblical prohibition on suicide, if that helps. 8 are mentioned in the Bible, 3 are related with a somewhat positive moral judgement, 5 without any moral judgement at all. 1500 years ago, a Roman emperor declared suicide was a mortal sin with a rather creative reading of the commandment against murder, and a lot of Christian denominations just went along with that, for various reasons, but that idea is being increasingly questioned and rejected by modern Christianity.

I've never been able to square the idea of hell for suicides with a compassionate and loving God myself, but your milage may vary.

As to the rest, pain from heartbreak fades and you might find that something else can break you out of your depression - antidepressants, Tinder, any number of other things. I won't say anything as trite as "it gets better", but it's probably worth exploring your options to see if you can get over your shitty situation. If you can't, you can always come back to the fatal option later.

As I said, I feel like my mind is settled on it. I've tried all of those coping mechanisms before; I just don't feel as though all the sex, money, or happiness in the world outweighs the loss. But that does help, I didn't realize the Bible looked (somewhat) positively on it. Again, as I don't practice, my idea of God is loving, caring, accepts my decision. So that does help make the decision easier. Thank you, that's one thing off my mind.

I have a military background myself, they break us down and turn us into codependent people. It's what enables us to blindly trust others with our lives with the innocence and naivety of a small child...

I've been there. I understand. But it also makes us susceptible to abusers, like your ex.

She isn't worthy of your allegiance, your loyalty or your life.

Don't let your codependency trick you into believing she's your ally. She was your enemy the entire time.

I agree, but as I said I felt this way long before the Army. I only enlisted with the intention of being killed, far fetched as it may seem.

Nothing good is guaranteed. Bills, work, loss, heartbreak and death. We KNOW these things happen, a lot.

Happiness is a sometimes-occurance. And if I could just have the courage to do it, I wouldn't have to live a life where my only enjoyment is watching movies and shooting. I have no desire to work or improve my life, I smoke a pack a day and have no intention to quit... I've been slowly killing myself for years but just didn't see it quite that way.

I'm just happy I found this site... Of course, as soon as I put down my phone the horrible, but wrenching sadness will hit me again (which is why I've tried to sleep all day long), but it feels nice to know people are experiencing similar things.

 

[Kornyboyo]

There is no hell. Life is hell.

 

[Lookingforabus]

As I said, I feel like my mind is settled on it. I've tried all of those coping mechanisms before; I just don't feel as though all the sex, money, or happiness in the world outweighs the loss.

Yeah, you sound a bit like me almost 20 years ago, so I can relate. Figured it couldn't hurt to throw that out, just in case you were too consumed by your grief to have tried coping or treatment or the like.

 

[TraumaBunny]

This is as hard as this pain hits and you've taken it each time. Well, you're still standing. You're still standing because it has failed to knock you down. This means it can't knock you down

Currently, the only thing in this entire world that poses any kind of threat to you is yourself. Not the emotional fallout from your breakup.

Because you wanted to die before you even met her. So there'll be another factor at play here. Something deeper.

So don't fear this sadness anymore brother. Why fear it anymore? Why use suicide to retreat from something you can take? It's weak. It's nothing. At worst, all it can do is make you cry. Well there's no shame in that. In fact, it's a good release.

Take some time out, heal from the split and figure out what's been making you want to die for so long. Then heal from that too

 

[An0nym0us1999]

I just feel sick to my stomach

 

[An0nym0us1999]

This is as hard as this pain hits and you've taken it each time. Well, you're still standing. You're still standing because it has failed to knock you down. This means it can't knock you down

Currently, the only thing in this entire world that poses any kind of threat to you is yourself. Not the emotional fallout from your breakup.

Because you wanted to die before you even met her. So there'll be another factor at play here. Something deeper.

So don't fear this sadness anymore brother. Why fear it anymore? Why use suicide to retreat from something you can take? It's weak. It's nothing. At worst, all it can do is make you cry. Well there's no shame in that. In fact, it's a good release.

Take some time out, heal from the split and figure out what's been making you want to die for so long. Then heal from that too

I just know for a fact it only gets worse from here and to say anything else would be foolish... Having a life with her really was my last hope. I trusted women before from all backgrounds and it all ended the same way. I figured she would be the only one who wouldn't leave me stranded, especially all she's been through alone and with me.

There's no way life can get better, I have no desire to make it better, and honestly if nobody takes care of me, I diminish away. I don't eat unless someone buys me food. I don't make my own decisions... I am dependent on someone else, always. And one day, there's going to be nobody else to depend on. That will leave me with nothing. I just wish I could have the courage to end it now while I can, before the sadness drains and the numbness comes. While I still have a propellant, something to make it easier to do.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

She might be not making any efforts only because you keep fighting and she knows it. Once you'll cease to make the efforts yourself, after a while she could try to contact you and give you nice promises. Maybe not, but it is highly probable, and that is in fact how 'cluster b' works. They 'fight' for you once in a while.

She did for a very long time, but I let my anger get in the way and I didn't see the good. I didn't allow myself to let her apologize... It was too late by then.

I used to threaten suicide all the time before I had a gun. Boy who cried wolf; I wanted to, but had no means to. She would cry and take it seriously. Eventually I wore my welcome with it. Today, the last thing I said to her was that I'd do it after we hung up the phone. She's told my sister that I always threaten it and that she Dosent think ill do it.

A vindictive part of me wants to do it just so she will feel the pain I've felt lately

 

[TraumaBunny]

You sound as if you personally know his ex-GF. You don't know any of this crap, you're just puking negativity into the forum for no good reason.

I can't control how you choose to perceive or interpret what I've said but it's obviously stuck a chord with you for a reason.

I hope you find peace for whatever that reason is...

 

[An0nym0us1999]

You sound as if you personally know his ex-GF. You don't know any of this crap, you're just puking negativity into the forum for no good reason.

He isn't quite wrong though. Its hard to tell the whole story on here so its impossible for anyone to know for sure, but he does have a good point about it.

She normally is sweet and caring, which is why it's hard to 100% agree.

 

[TraumaBunny]

He isn't quite wrong though. Its hard to tell the whole story on here so its impossible for anyone to know for sure, but he does have a good point about it.

She normally is sweet and caring, which is why it's hard to 100% agree.

That's how emotional abusers operate. You will heal from this, you're stronger than you think

 

[An0nym0us1999]

That's how emotional abusers operate. You will heal from this, you're stronger than you think

Its not that I feel that the pain won't end. I know it will. I know that as a human the pain will fade.

It's what comes after. I can not sustain life on my own. This I know for certain.

Yes my heart feels ripped out and yes I am in extreme immediate pain. But there is no light at the end of this tunnel; I may be strong enough to get over HER in time.

But she was only standing in the way of much larger issues. And those, I wouldn't even want to ATTEMPT to get over.

 

[TraumaBunny]

You've been trained to fight, like me. So you'll perceive your turmoil as an enemy to smite in a combative way. It hurts you, so you want to hurt it back. It's what happens when one's defensive instincts have been militarised.

But there are other ways you could fight it which wouldn't involve you having to die in the process. More practical and constructive ways. Kinder ways.

I think you deserve some kindness right now. More than dying.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

You've been trained to fight, like me. So you'll perceive your turmoil as an enemy to smite in a combative way. It hurts you, so you want to hurt it back. It's what happens when one's defensive instincts have been militarised.

But there are other ways you could fight it which wouldn't involve you having to die in the process. More practical and constructive ways. Kinder ways.

I think you deserve some kindness right now. More than dying.

There's no shortage of kindness in my life. My mom, grandmother, plenty of people are right here supporting me. But the only person I want is her. I have good friends and great family. I really do have a good life. But there just isn't a reason to keep maintaining it without her.

 

[TraumaBunny]

There's no shortage of kindness in my life. My mom, grandmother, plenty of people are right here supporting me. But the only person I want is her. I have good friends and great family. I really do have a good life. But there just isn't a reason to keep maintaining it without her.

I understand, . Given what you've

There's no shortage of kindness in my life. My mom, grandmother, plenty of people are right here supporting me. But the only person I want is her. I have good friends and great family. I really do have a good life. But there just isn't a reason to keep maintaining it without her.

Believe me I know heartache's a killer. I understand, I hope I'm not making you feel undermined it isn't my intention

Okay, let's say she came back right now. It'd relieve your pain, sure! But it would only be temporary because your instinct to suicide would still be lingering around inside of you, waiting for an excuse to resurface.

Until the underlying reasons for it are addressed and resolved you stand to be vulnerable in your relationships and that isn't fair on you or whoever loves you in the future

So learn from this. You now know that your heart craves a home. Well, it can have one. But you need to work on yourself first and if you'd be willing to do that, you could have it all.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

I understand, . Given what you've

Believe me I know heartache's a killer. I understand, I hope I'm not making you feel undermined it isn't my intention

Okay, let's say she came back right now. It'd relieve your pain, sure! But it would only be temporary because your instinct to suicide would still be lingering around inside of you, waiting for an excuse to resurface.

Until the underlying reasons for it are addressed and resolved you stand to be vulnerable in your relationships and that isn't fair on you or whoever loves you in the future

So learn from this. You now know that your heart craves a home. Well, it can have one. But you need to work on yourself first and if you'd be willing to do that, you could have it all.

My mind is completely set. I will never put my trust into anyone else after her. That's what I said after my last gf, and we werent even together that long. Today was life changing. I never did anything except try to make her happy and she knowingly left me for dead. If she came back right now, I know (from a year and a half experience) she could be an amazing girlfriend and love me. But if this is her permanant choice, my choice is to end it all so I don't have to think about it for another minute.

There is nothing in this life worthwhile to me. Having her was enough to get me through the bad stuff. It was enough to help me battle the negative. I'm not depressed, I'm not upset with life.

I can just see that there is not and will not be anything for me in this world. Even if I was handed a billion dollars and a nice place to live, I would not be happy. I require somebody to care for. She was perfect. All of my weird quirks, all of my "requirements" of a girl (things that dont make me uncomfortable, things I couldn't be without, etc) she had. She was perfect in every way, yet a series of a few bad events unravelled everything.

I only wish I could have put my anger aside and worked with her, instead of against her. I did warn her several times that if she cheated or betrayed my trust, things would never be the same. But maybe I should have worked with her instead of just using all of my anger.

Either way, if she is gone for good, I might as well be too. Because there's no way I could live without what we had, and there's no way Id ever put my faith into anyone again after this. It would be outright stupidity if I did. So it seems the best and easiest way out of this mess, is going up.

 

[TraumaBunny]

I wholeheartedly understand. The woman I loved and lost felt like my other self and our connection was incomparable, second to none. She was truly the greatest friend I've ever had. I still cannot imagine being with anyone else. The thought alone makes me feel sick.

Being without her is excruciating. It's the worst pain I've known.

But we were a monogamous couple who only had eyes for eachother, so our love was a bit more traditional. No threesomes or anything like that

 

[ChristopherWalken]

When I had my last breakup I watched a ton of Corey Wayne videos on youtube and it gradually helped.

 

[BipolarExpat]

Being without her is excruciating. It's the worst pain I've known.

I'm Sorry TraumaB.

You've been an extremely good listener to An0n1999.

This plainly demonstrates your big heart.

 

[TraumaBunny]

I'm Sorry TraumaB.

You've been an extremely good listener to An0n1999.

This plainly demonstrates your big heart.

Caring just comes naturally to me. I just hope he's okay. No one here deserves their pain

 

[BipolarExpat]

No one here deserves their pain

Couldn't agree more

All the best