Pre Christmas angst

[darkenmydoorstep]

I really struggle with this time of year. Anyone else? Once we get into December it's all so in your face, Christmas. People doing Christmassy things with their families and friends. The pressure to buy stuff
I despise it all. I'm not religious and resent having a religion dominate my life for 4 weeks. It's on social media, in the shops, on TV, just everywhere.
if I had a car (all public transport cancelled over Xmas) I would try and volunteer at a kitchen or animal charity, feel useful. But I don't.
Death calls as usual "you just need to die".
I know I do. I know I need that final solution and if I could find peaceful, reliable means, I'd be on it. But I can't. So here I am. Wishing it was January.

 

[ConstantPain]

I absolutely agree with everything you said! I am also not religious and can't stand the month of December and the expectations it brings. If it was completely up to me, we wouldn't observe Christmas at all. We are all supposed to be jolly and happy and generous and loving and meanwhile we're wishing for death and have to be fake. Then New Years we are supposed to be hopeful, grateful and motivated and we're cursing still being alive. But the length of the commercialized Christmas season is the absolute worst. Apparently this is the weekend I should have wanted to decorate and start listening to ridiculous, awful music 24/7. Oh well, I'm a tired heathen who will again let everyone down.
Cheers

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I absolutely agree with everything you said! I am also not religious and can't stand the month of December and the expectations it brings. If it was completely up to me, we wouldn't observe Christmas at all. We are all supposed to be jolly and happy and generous and loving and meanwhile we're wishing for death and have to be fake. Then New Years we are supposed to be hopeful, grateful and motivated and we're cursing still being alive. But the length of the commercialized Christmas season is the absolute worst. Apparently this is the weekend I should have wanted to decorate and start listening to ridiculous, awful music 24/7. Oh well, I'm a tired heathen who will again let everyone down.
Cheers

Yes, the length and the fact there is no escape. Usually I check out the funny memes I find on social media to try and raise my spirits but this time of year, I go on social media and it's all that everywhere.

 

[Redacted24]

Relatable all. All the imagery is family and nice but when your family is largely the source of depression and urge to be gone, that makes it that much worse.

I spent the whole day decorating the outside with lights so as to continue the facade as I've done for years and because the whole street does. But behind the twinkly coloured lights is a guy hoping to find the tools needed to be gone.

Well that's not jolly is it?

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Relatable all. All the imagery is family and nice but when your family is largely the source of depression and urge to be gone, that makes it that much worse.

I spent the whole day decorating the outside with lights so as to continue the facade as I've done for years and because the whole street does. But behind the twinkly coloured lights is a guy hoping to find the tools needed to be gone.

Well that's not jolly is it?

Totally relate. I don't love the man I live with and our near teenage son is violent and I'm often physically attacked. Not exactly a happy family is it? Still, it's what I have.

Yeah, for me it's my family's expectations that I do what I historically do at Xmas, put a lot of effort in, enjoy myself, make things nice and "festive", be happy and help everyone else be happy. I don't have it in me this year, I just have no motivation to fake doing all that at this time. So I'm going to let them down and feel bad. I just want it to be a normal day so I can rot in bed alone like I want to.

Yes I have a son and I have to try and make it nice for his sake. Imagine if the world was just a bunch people faking stuff for other people also faking stuff.