Story Preparation for Day X once again

[Seaghost]

Hi folks,
I'm sorry if my english don't sound good I hope it's ok.

Two years ago at night by 9./10 may I tried to go with CO but it didn't work.
Now and after much weeks of beeing good, try to survive, be brave and all the other keep calm shit I'll try it once more.
By the way I try to get to Dignitas but I don't think I can handle my shit so long. It have to happen earlier. I'm so under pressure.

Despite I'm a lil bit scared by SN I ordered it two days ago in the jungle. Seems to work but they didn't shipped that magic Dust yet.

I'll try to get some Valium for that special day. And Meto for sure with betablocker.
Simultaneously I try to get my hands on the Amytryphtiline Cocktail Ingredients. Maybe my psychlogist could help me but thats another story for thursday. My psychlogist is some kind of special. HOW special I will see thursday. That Day I got backup by official body...lets say it's a Wingman who know I want to die und knows my demons by 100%.

I'm sorry I'm exhausted now. I just want to flee under my bed and wait till my parents ,who never were parents, come and caress me while they hold me on their arms.
They'll hold a demon . Someone who should havent been born.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Dead Meat]

I'm so sorry for your suffering, I wish you all the peace and tranquility you so rightly deserve.

 

[Seaghost]

My SN has been shipped. It'll come from Russia.

The date at my psychologist was crushing.
She thinks I didn't tried everything I can but she understands my situation.
I cried horrible while sitting on that fucking chair. And thanks to all things in the universe m wingman nursed me back to health plus I was having lunch with that person. And I didn't pay....weren't allowd to pay.

My wingman knows about Sn but this person will try additionally ways with me.

Well now I have Ambien and Ativan again...

Have to sleep about what happend this day.

 

[Seaghost]

I'm stucked into myself.
The debate with my psychologist crushed me more than I thougt.
I need do look at meto und betablockers but try to avoid that. Im scared that'll pull me deeper into my depression.
Seems like I have to wait a few days to move that topical subject further.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

Having arguments about your postures when one can barely exist is exhausting. Take it easy on you, and please take care on this days.

If you are decided, this will be the last ones, try to make them bearable.

Best of luck.

 

[Seaghost]

SN is at the border control now tells me the sending status. Well I hope all went well.
Besides that I get a rowing machine as a gift and I use it. I have fun with that thing and I shouldn't. I know it's contrary...
I wanna die but I make things that will lead to life not to death.
But it makes fun and give me a real feeling of myself exceptionally.

I am ashamed towards you and me.

I know that hard brain-cooking feelings will come back. They ever do!
So I say to me it's ok to have fun in front of the end...I can't say I am convinced about this last sentence.

I need to die. I have poison in me that needs to be crushed.
The right thing is the bad thing and the bad thing is the right thing...oh lord who won't hear me...

 

[Seaghost]

SN is here since last friday.
Need a few mor bucks for meto and Betablockers. Maybe I got my things together when december beginns...

My thoughts are flying all around. One the one hand I'm proud doing a little sportsession almast every day and feeling my muscles beginn to work and on the other hand is the enevitable and my bodys pain slowly is coming back.
It was sweet like cake having a few lighter days.
My therapist said to me that my work on this planet is not done yet.
Lol it's a bad paid work...

I think I'm at someting like a waiting room. At the court....
I expect a crash of my mind in a few days.

 

[Beeper]

It sounds like your intentions go back and forth. I have the same situation. It can change throughout the day, or be different one day to the next.

I really wish there was more stability in my mind. That way I could focus my efforts in a single direction without shifting back and forth all the time. It's exhausting.

 

[rationaltake]

My SN has been shipped. It'll come from Russia.

Sorry everything is so bad. I got SN from R from the same site as you I think. Sadly somebody had a failed attempt with SN from this source and its purity was called into question. I also have SN from the same site from T. I don't know if this second source is reliable. Do take care.