Torn between CTBing (thoughts and planning to do so take up most of my waking hours) and living.
In my desperation for support I reached out left right and centre. People are actually being very kind to me. I just spoke to my primary care provider who has agreed to (urgently!) refer me to secondary mental health services, querying BPD. I am not hopeful about getting my ?BPD under control enough to live a peaceful and happy life
but I am at least trying. Maybe it will have some benefit while I am alive. And… if I do get on that bus, maybe it'll come as a surprise to people after all my efforts 
In my desperation for support I reached out left right and centre. People are actually being very kind to me. I just spoke to my primary care provider who has agreed to (urgently!) refer me to secondary mental health services, querying BPD. I am not hopeful about getting my ?BPD under control enough to live a peaceful and happy life
but I am at least trying. Maybe it will have some benefit while I am alive. And… if I do get on that bus, maybe it'll come as a surprise to people after all my efforts 
