Venting Random post while drunk

[LinxLunar]

I'm the worst piece of shit ever, I'm a trans girl but I'm the ugliest one ever. I'm really useless and I hate myself. I should CTB, I'm hyped to leave the mental hospital definitely to be able to do the 48h stan process to finally CTN with SN.

Is there a reason to live ? I know I'm drunk so I'm feeling more sad than normally, but since I already want to CTB sober, I want even more to CTB now.

If I had the SN on me I would take 5 time the letal dose just to end it, even if I vomit I will die anyway with 5 times the dose idc.

If I don't die, I want to be abused, I want to be touch inappropriately without my consent, I want to be hurt badly. I know it's bad but it's the only way I can feel something

WHY AM I AN ASSHOLE LIKE THAT !!!!
PLEASE CAN SOMEONE HELP ME CATCH THE BUS, I ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO IT BUT I'M SO FUCKED UP RN

I just want to end it.
If you red all this I'm sorry I'm really drunk, lot of love it's the only thing I can give the word rn.
Love you all on SaSu you are the best people ever

 

[Namelesa]

Don't worry about being drunk, cope whatever way you can. Feeling like you look good as a trans person is extra hard due to gender dysphoria and having the wrong body, I am sorry you have to deal with that. I totally understand the feeling of wanting to be abused or sexually exploited to feel something. To have something feel the void even if its bad attention or being treated horribly and to feel like you were at least of use to the perpetrator. I hope whatever you do, you can escape the pain you are in soon <3

 

[hhtroc]

I can relate so hard, I am not trans but I have dysphoria about my body and face anyways, told my therapist "why is it accepted in trans people but when I don't want to change my gender, just be a different person than this it is considered a mental illness?". That might be insensitive to say, I am supportive of the trans community, i wish there was as much acceptance for bdd as well. Maybe in a decade lol. The therapeutical stuff does not work. at least has not for me. I would not wish this pain on anyone and if I could give you a hug I would. I know the only thing that would cheer you up is probably some surgical intervention possibility, that is atleast how it is for me. If i had the money, i would pay for yours in a heartbeat. Maybe you find someone rich here. Apart from that, you are just gonna have to accept it. Not forever because how would you, but for the meantime. Nothing we can do in this moment right now anyways, except torture ourselves. And I bet you are a pretty girl, despite what you may think.

 

[StrugglingSienna]

I can relate so hard, I am not trans but I have dysphoria about my body and face anyways, told my therapist "why is it accepted in trans people but when I don't want to change my gender, just be a different person than this it is considered a mental illness?". That might be insensitive to say, I am supportive of the trans community, i wish there was as much acceptance for bdd as well. Maybe in a decade lol. The therapeutical stuff does not work. at least has not for me. I would not wish this pain on anyone and if I could give you a hug I would. I know the only thing that would cheer you up is probably some surgical intervention possibility, that is atleast how it is for me. If i had the money, i would pay for yours in a heartbeat. Maybe you find someone rich here. Apart from that, you are just gonna have to accept it. Not forever because how would you, but for the meantime. Nothing we can do in this moment right now anyways, except torture ourselves. And I bet you are a pretty girl, despite what you may think.

I'll say as a trans person that I don't think it's wrong at all to want to look like a different person. Sometimes you just fucking hate the person you look like and you wanna look like a different one. I get it. Rich people can go and get all the crazy plastic surgery they want and then come out looking good because they could afford the best surgeons. To the rest of us they tell us we should just accept the beautiful little butterflies we are . It's so hypocritical.

 

[hhtroc]

I'll say as a trans person that I don't think it's wrong at all to want to look like a different person. Sometimes you just fucking hate the person you look like and you wanna look like a different one. I get it. Rich people can go and get all the crazy plastic surgery they want and then come out looking good because they could afford the best surgeons. To the rest of us they tell us we should just accept the beautiful little butterflies we are . It's so hypocritical.

u get bullied for this stuff and in therapy they tell u that you just have to accept it, what the actual fuck. can yall please start like giving out surgery as a treatment. ima put that in my notee, they can shove their therapist bs up their whatever.

 

[LinxLunar]

Tbh, I think I've done a lot of therapy, and before knowing about transgender, body disphoria/euphoria and all the other terms. I wasn't taken seriously. They just don't care if you can't stand some part of you. But you need to change EVERYTHING to start having someone give you at least a look and hear you story. Otherwise they don't care.
I hope you'll find a way to change/accept yourself, but I think the change might me the only way.
Lot of love @hhtroc

 

[hhtroc]

Tbh, I think I've done a lot of therapy, and before knowing about transgender, body disphoria/euphoria and all the other terms. I wasn't taken seriously. They just don't care if you can't stand some part of you. But you need to change EVERYTHING to start having someone give you at least a look and hear you story. Otherwise they don't care.
I hope you'll find a way to change/accept yourself, but I think the change might me the only way.
Lot of love @hhtroc

no realistic way to change cheekbones LOL, i am considering getting bimax if healthcare pays for it and even then I am p sure my life is over due to all the abuse and BS before that. But thank you, i know how it feels :/.