Help Reasons not to go?

[ihatemyselfsomuch]

I have SN and planning to go tonight but idk if it's survival instinct but doubts are starting to set in. What reasons are there to not kms?

I feel like the main forum is somewhat of an echochamber so I want to try posting here. Help please.

 

[Gloom]

I don't know what you like but you might miss out on meeting amazing people and experiencing beautiful art, music and nature. if you make it through the pandemic you'll have more freedom to do what you like and you might miss out on technological advances.

it's up to you though, do whatever makes you happy. wish you the best x

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Ultimately the choice of whether to do it or not is up to you. If it helps, my reasons for being alive at the moment include avoiding hurting close family members through my death.

 

[ihatemyselfsomuch]

I don't know what to do. I want to go so bad but I just don't know. I will hurt my family and I feel sick just thinking about how badly I'll hurt them. I also feel like I've come too far now to go back. I don't know fuck fuck fuck

 

[Kennish]

I have no reasons not to go

 

[$nowLeopard]

I suggest you keep going until you are completely out of options

 

[ihatemyselfsomuch]

I suggest you keep going until you are completely out of options

I am worried that the cops will visit me for buying SN

 

[cooldude420]

movies; art; vid games; frens; tv show; puppies; sunset; swimming; ride bike; long car ride; good food; win lotto; travel; magic mushroom; volunteer; board game; camp; meditation; clubs; sex; dancing; coffee; swing sets; roller coasters.

want more????????

 

[Apricity]

I am worried that the cops will visit me for buying SN

The cops don't know you have it unless you tell someone.

I was going to suggest making a list of reasons why you want to go and why you would stay and see which list is longer, but you posted that you don't really have a reason to CTB, so I'd say at least wait a week or two. Hide your stuff and go see about getting treatment. If it works, great! If not, then you still have an out. Keep in mind though that medication takes up to two months before becoming effective. You'll have to be patient.

 

[bed]

Are there things you enjoy doing still or things you've always wanted to try? now is the time to fully indulge in that.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I'm so sorry it has come to this, OP.

If you're having doubts I think that's a sign that this might not be the right time. From what I've gathered from the members I've seen CTB here, you have to be certain.

As for reasons to keep going... that can be anything you want. What do YOU want?

I can identify with your username - I hate myself intensely and I tell myself that I'm a loser and failure, that no-one will ever love me... I think one of the best reasons to go on living is that its possible that those things aren't true. You might just be an ordinary person, who is just as deserving and capable of love as anyone else.

 

[ihatemyselfsomuch]

If you all think I should I'll give it a bit longer. I feel like such a pussy now. I think I'll try some stuff and if I don't like it I'll do it. I was all ready for tonight as well, I'm such a coward. I'm sorry.

Sometimes I am certain and other times I'm not. Well at least I have everything I need now.

I can't do many of the things you've suggested because I'm socially inept and poor. If I could I'd just lie in bed all day. That's all I want to do. I just want it to be over but I don't know what I want to be over. I wrote my note and I fucking hate myself. Sorry I'm rambling now.

I probably won't do it tonight. I will see how I am for the next few days, and if things get worse I'll end it all. Thank you for your replies, they've helped me make a decision. I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone by not ctb

 

[TotallyIsolated]

YOURE NOT A COWARD. To have faced this down you're braver than most people will ever understand.

 

[ihatemyselfsomuch]

YOURE NOT A COWARD. To have faced this down you're braver than most people will ever understand.

Thank you. I'm just disappointed in myself.

 

[bed]

If you all think I should I'll give it a bit longer. I feel like such a pussy now. I think I'll try some stuff and if I don't like it I'll do it. I was all ready for tonight as well, I'm such a coward. I'm sorry.

Sometimes I am certain and other times I'm not. Well at least I have everything I need now.

I can't do many of the things you've suggested because I'm socially inept and poor. If I could I'd just lie in bed all day. That's all I want to do. I just want it to be over but I don't know what I want to be over. I wrote my note and I fucking hate myself. Sorry I'm rambling now.

I probably won't do it tonight. I will see how I am for the next few days, and if things get worse I'll end it all. Thank you for your replies, they've helped me make a decision. I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone by not ctb

you don't need to apologize for your actions. CTB is a personal choice and an extremely difficult one at that. I wish you the best in whatever you choose. I'm sorry life is terrible for you.

 

[Apricity]

If you all think I should I'll give it a bit longer. I feel like such a pussy now. I think I'll try some stuff and if I don't like it I'll do it. I was all ready for tonight as well, I'm such a coward. I'm sorry.

Sometimes I am certain and other times I'm not. Well at least I have everything I need now.

I can't do many of the things you've suggested because I'm socially inept and poor. If I could I'd just lie in bed all day. That's all I want to do. I just want it to be over but I don't know what I want to be over. I wrote my note and I fucking hate myself. Sorry I'm rambling now.

I probably won't do it tonight. I will see how I am for the next few days, and if things get worse I'll end it all. Thank you for your replies, they've helped me make a decision. I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone by not ctb

Don't ever apologize for not ctb. You don't owe shit to anyone but yourself; your life, your choice. If anyone here is disappointed that you didn't commit suicide, then they don't belong here. This is a support community, not a death cult as f26 and others would have the world believe.

I would suggest meetup, look for things that interest you there and join some of the groups. You will overcome your social anxiety eventually. A lot of things on there are free, like hikes and so forth. If you're into fantasy type stuff, Dungeons and Dragons might be an option. It's a stereotype, but a lot of people that play that game are socially awkward until they get together with a group. It can be fun, and It doesn't cost a thing except time. Some of the other players will have the books that you need to create your character and you will find that they will usually allow you to use it to do so. Something to look into. I wish you luck.

 

[ihatemyselfsomuch]

Don't ever apologize for not ctb. You don't owe shit to anyone but yourself; your life, your choice. If anyone here is disappointed that you didn't commit suicide, then they don't belong here. This is a support community, not a death cult as f26 and others would have the world believe.

I would suggest meetup, look for things that interest you there and join some of the groups. You will overcome your social anxiety eventually. A lot of things on there are free, like hikes and so forth. If you're into fantasy type stuff, Dungeons and Dragons might be an option. It's a stereotype, but a lot of people that play that game are socially awkward until they get together with a group. It can be fun, and It doesn't cost a thing except time. Some of the other players will have the books that you need to create your character and you will find that they will usually allow you to use it to do so. Something to look into. I wish you luck.

Thanks for the advice. I might try going to some meet ups at my uni if you think it'll help. I will try doing that and then decide. I spend a lot of time by myself, and can always hear other people laughing and being happy outside. That depresses me a lot. I just feel like such a weirdo. I hate myself for it.

 

[Apricity]

Thanks for the advice. I might try going to some meet ups at my uni if you think it'll help. I will try doing that and then decide. I spend a lot of time by myself, and can always hear other people laughing and being happy outside. That depresses me a lot. I just feel like such a weirdo. I hate myself for it.

Yes, I think socializing will help. Who knows, you might meet someone extra special.

 

[cooldude420]

Thanks for the advice. I might try going to some meet ups at my uni if you think it'll help. I will try doing that and then decide. I spend a lot of time by myself, and can always hear other people laughing and being happy outside. That depresses me a lot. I just feel like such a weirdo. I hate myself for it.

wat u study?

Thank you. I'm just disappointed in myself

many hear feel same bout themselfs. many understaadn

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone by not ctb

That is not the thing, we are not here to watch you ctb nor be like vultures, eager for you to ctb. We are here to be on both. If you want to go, we are with you; if you recover we support you too.
In the end, both options led to the individual to leave this forum, either because they got better or because they are on the other realm, is kinda like a road hotel thinking about it. Anyway, the point here is that we support them in whichever way they are going.

Best of luck trying to find whichever you are missing.

 

[FuneralCry]

As you are looking for reasons not to go, then I hope things get better for you. It can be awful being alive when you are constantly suffering, I understand that. Of course you have not disappointed anyone. If you do decide to ctb, then I wish you peace. No matter what happens, I wish you the best.

 

[ihatemyselfsomuch]

Yes, I think socializing will help. Who knows, you might meet someone extra special.

I hope it helps. i'm not going to set my expectations too high though.

wat u study

Don't want to be too specific but a politics related degree

many hear feel same bout themselfs. many understaadn

thank you. I had just spent all day mentally preparing myself for it, clearly not enough

That is not the thing, we are not here to watch you ctb nor be like vultures, eager for you to ctb. We are here to be on both. If you want to go, we are with you; if you recover we support you too.
In the end, both options led to the individual to leave this forum, either because they got better or because they are on the other realm, is kinda like a road hotel thinking about it. Anyway, the point here is that we support them in whichever way they are going.

Best of luck trying to find whichever you are missing.

This is a really nice post. I just see so much despair and death on here, I forget that some people don't go through with it

As you are looking for reasons not to go, then I hope things get better for you. It can be awful being alive when you are constantly suffering, I understand that. Of course you have not disappointed anyone. If you do decide to ctb, then I wish you peace. No matter what happens, I wish you the best.

Thank you for the kind words <3

 

[ascetic_]

Something to consider might be the unknowability of the after-life.

I know many people here are staunchly atheist/anti-theist, if not outright hostile to the idea.

You might be as well, idk.

But it's been something that has given me pause on the prospect of exiting, even though I think about it almost daily now.

Death is final. It can't be reversed. Once you're on the other side, if you happen to still be sentient, and feel pain, emotions, there's real chance you might experience regret.

My 2 ¢.

 

[seaweaves]

there's a kind of conversation I've had a few times that I'll try to generalize here (and hope it doesn't get too butchered in the process)

Have you had a gut feeling that what someone did was wrong, but you couldn't explain why? Like, if they asked you to explain why that thing is wrong, you just wouldn't be able to come up with an argument to convince them, but you just know. "It just is!" Or maybe someone is giving you a certain "vibe" and you can't explain it but it's setting off alarms. You can't explain it just right now but it's there.

In general, I find for me that feelings or impulses can often run ahead of our reasons. It's easy to be preoccupied with reasons and explanations, but sometimes they can take some time to unravel themselves and show up more clearly. And it can be uncomfortable to sit without reasons, without being able to make sense of things just yet. But it's also completely common.

All that is just to affirm on top of all the feedback and advice above: that if you don't find a reason not to go right now, that's okay too. Life is real fucked up and things aren't always going to make sense or resonate in the ways we need, at the times we need. You don't need a reason to live in order to live.

(Hopefully this doesn't read as staunchly pro-lifey in tone; the same argument works for sui too after all. I just know for myself anyway it's just easy to want and look for reasons when it's also okay not to have reasons sometimes.)

 

[ihatemyselfsomuch]

there's a kind of conversation I've had a few times that I'll try to generalize here (and hope it doesn't get too butchered in the process)

Have you had a gut feeling that what someone did was wrong, but you couldn't explain why? Like, if they asked you to explain why that thing is wrong, you just wouldn't be able to come up with an argument to convince them, but you just know. "It just is!" Or maybe someone is giving you a certain "vibe" and you can't explain it but it's setting off alarms. You can't explain it just right now but it's there.

In general, I find for me that feelings or impulses can often run ahead of our reasons. It's easy to be preoccupied with reasons and explanations, but sometimes they can take some time to unravel themselves and show up more clearly. And it can be uncomfortable to sit without reasons, without being able to make sense of things just yet. But it's also completely common.

All that is just to affirm on top of all the feedback and advice above: that if you don't find a reason not to go right now, that's okay too. Life is real fucked up and things aren't always going to make sense or resonate in the ways we need, at the times we need. You don't need a reason to live in order to live.

(Hopefully this doesn't read as staunchly pro-lifey in tone; the same argument works for sui too after all. I just know for myself anyway it's just easy to want and look for reasons when it's also okay not to have reasons sometimes.)

I see what you mean. Right up until a few hours prior my gut feeling was to ctb. I had no problem ordering SN, writing my note, planning every aspect of my death. It was only as the time to take the SN neared that I began to have reservations. I'm going to hold off until I'm more certain. Thanks for your reply :)

 

[seaweaves]

I see what you mean. Right up until a few hours prior my gut feeling was to ctb. I had no problem ordering SN, writing my note, planning every aspect of my death. It was only as the time to take the SN neared that I began to have reservations. I'm going to hold off until I'm more certain. Thanks for your reply :)

Whatever choices you make in the future, I'm glad you're making the ones that feel right for you in this moment. As for me, I ordered a burrito and am hoping my body lets me feel the simple feeling of a full stomach, to see if that helps for today. Not a reason, but a something. :P

 

[ihatemyselfsomuch]

Whatever choices you make in the future, I'm glad you're making the ones that feel right for you in this moment. As for me, I ordered a burrito and am hoping my body lets me feel the simple feeling of a full stomach, to see if that helps for today. Not a reason, but a something. :P

Hope you enjoy your burrito :D

 

[seaweaves]

Hope you enjoy your burrito :D

Thanks! It was really dry :-/ Hope you have a gentler night