Story Reasons why I want to die, my ways to die (also introduction because im a newbie)

[SorakaMein]

Hello everyone,

This website really is very helpful for someone like me who wants to run away in this life as soon as possible.

My name is Mei, 25, female, and yes, very heartbroken to the point that I can't bear to live anymore. I tried everything to be positive, fix my problems with my love, do EVERYTHING I can, but nothing worked. (Even aimed for top 1 in leaderboards in southeast asia, yes i am a very competitive online gamer. I don't know how i did it despite of this intense pain that kills me every second of my life)

I just feel very miserable, not enough, thrown away, false hope, intense emotional pain, no appetite to eat, and more. I just don't want to move anymore. I can't even focus, like, for example, following SN guides, night night, and any guides.

She said she wont hurt me, won't leave me. But here we go, broke up with me last April 30, 2022. And the most painful part is i dont even understand why it happened. Why? Even now i don't know. I can't even accept the breakup.

It happened in a flash.
And im very guilty because i also said bad things to her because i dont understand, i got mad suddenly and i dont know myself anymore. I was real shocked of the breakup, even now.

Anyways. I tried night night or doing tourniquet on upper part of my neck (but failed, i just feel dizzy but didnt passed out). Tho that would be a very perfect method for me if it works. Guess i need practice or different approach.

Now, im planning to do SN method. For now im planning to buy the needed medicine before getting started. Wish me hope

I want to tell more about my story but i dont have much energy left. Just living everyday makes me tired already. I will definitely stop being suicidal if i were able to fix our problems, or she came back to me, gave me another chance, as for me i will give here unlimited chances. She can come back to me anytime as long as im still breathing. I know that i will stop being suicidal because if she comes back, i know for sure that this intense pain will definitely be gone in a flash.

Until now im still waiting. I did everything i can. But i guess im reaching my limits. I have no energy to go on.
I hope both of us will talk before i leave this life.

For now im considering SN as my exit, and night night as (2nd try). I would love to use nitrogen but theres no store near me. I hate my city.

And i hope no one will talk bad about me below. I just cant tolerate pain at the moment. If you dont like me, just read and dont comment. I appreciate you all.

The moment I proposed to you 2 years ago and you said yes. That was the happiest moment in my whole life.​

 

[Hollowillow]

Ah the curse of the over achiever... Caring too much about everything... Except basic self care needs... That was me. I recognize myself in you. I don't mean to insult you, only try to give you ideas for recovery. Even though I'm pro human extinction.

Saying your real name is unsafe here. The police & pro lifers would love to shut us down as serial killers. Even though this place is the only people keeping me alive.

Stop trying the wrong things. Don't be positive, it's toxic deshumanizing pressure. Welcome your emotions with compassion, like a crying inner child needing foid and restcand safety. Don't be #1 you'll burn out just for a stat... Not a good way to boost self esteem. Good self care will. Do less, rest more, have mercy for yourself. Take it easier. Just enjoy.

When you're very competitive & the goal is to crush others, you end up crushing yourself too. Just enjoy a game making friends

Grief is a physical injury. The stress damages the adrenals, the brain has to rewire itself to learn a new reality. Vitamin c,b,magnesium helps. With everything.

You can ask ger why asking for closure & to better yourself... But it might be for the reasons above. If you cared more about winning than playing with her... She could have felt undervalued. And if itvwas offline but you only cared to play the game & not explore the world with her... Watching your back while you played must have made her feel lonely & rejected. Or like a mere collectible figurine.

You're tired because you broke your limit & neglected to eat. B viramins to burn energy, c to heal the burn. Hypoglycemia & anemia cause depression, agony, exhaustion... And agression... Like a blood thirsthy wolf. You were probably irrirable before, only noticed it at the end. It's ok, anger is a part of grief. If you didn't bully, hit or killed her... It's ok.

All reasons to ctb are valid... But the one I like least is if a lover doesn't come back. As if your life was worthless, that you had no life, no passions, no identity, without her... And no one like a shadow to drag. They want a partner. Not have the entire respinsibility if your happiness & continued existence. Too much pressure. If you asked the same perfection as you dud to yourself in the game, she must have felt inadequate often like I'm sure you do. Give yourself a break, let yourself be human.

I hope you'll be able to talk together... But you have stuff to heal and soothe... I was a perfectionnist due to childhood trauma, bullied by my narcissist mother at any excuses... But she was just a sadist. It's ok to just be good. Not perfect. Not positive. It's better to be real. To respect your needs & limits, to enjoy life.

I'm into partial hanging (I failed maybe the rope was too high) and looking into SN.

Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Someone123]

I understand and support your choice to ctb, you have the right to choose. I have seen other posts about night night not working, it seems like it is a difficult method to get to work. Sn is a more reliable method is you do the protocol well.

If you are considering recovery possibly one piece of hoipe may be here- you fell in love once, and you could fall in love with someone else possibly. Though I do support choice completely, it might be worth considering. I am saying this because I have seen a post that this reminded me of where a person was very upset about a breakup and wanted to leave this world and they did later find someone else and they were able to recover.

 

[Hollowillow]

I understand and support your choice to ctb, you have the right to choose. I have seen other posts about night night not working, it seems like it is a difficult method to get to work. Sn is a more reliable method is you do the protocol well.

If you are considering recovery possibly one piece of hoipe may be here- you fell in love once, and you could fall in love with someone else possibly. Though I do support choice completely, it might be worth considering. I am saying this because I have seen a post that this reminded me of where a person was very upset about a breakup and wanted to leave this world and they did later find someone else and they were able to recover.

Sweet. Sorry my pist was harsher I was trying to answer the question about why they felt like shit and why someone could have left. I gave examples of complaints that I heard about the girlfriends of gamers... Not meant as a blame. But ideas to understand and maybe change. But might be a compatibility issues. If they were happy online but she craved the outside after years. Sorry

 

[SorakaMein]

Sweet. Sorry my pist was harsher I was trying to answer the question about why they felt like shit and why someone could have left. I gave examples of complaints that I heard about the girlfriends of gamers... Not meant as a blame. But ideas to understand and maybe change. But might be a compatibility issues. If they were happy online but she craved the outside after years. Sorry

Thanks. Honestly i stopped playing much when i met her. I gave all to her

 

[Someone123]

Thanks. Honestly i stopped playing much when i met her. I gave all to her

I do wonder if building friendships and family relationships some could help to ease some of the pain. Then you did accomplish something big by falling in love and staying in love for quite a while, so you could do this again, you could meet someone else- and if your friendships an family relationships are stronger then you could not feel as bad if this breaks up.

 

[Hollowillow]

Thanks. Honestly i stopped playing much when i met her. I gave all to her

I find it mean of her that she never complained then left? Are you sure? You might not have paid attention, but there are people who expect us to read their minds.

Maybe you were too devoted, like a codependent (I was) and she wanted space... Like... The opposite of my first theory.

But you'd be better iff with someone who discuss with you. Good communication us important but she just left... Someone did it to me as a friend and it really hurt me...

Even worse if they broke with a texto... Maybe they were cheating...

The fact is... You don't need a bitch who abandon you.
You need someone who shares... Maybe she was, but now she's not right.

I hope you'll learn better self care to feel better until you find better.
You need someone who shares... Maybe she was, but now she's not right.

I hope you'll learn better self care to feel better until you find better.

 

[SorakaMein]

I do wonder if building friendships and family relationships some could help to ease some of the pain. Then you did accomplish something big by falling in love and staying in love for quite a while, so you could do this again, you could meet someone else- and if your friendships an family relationships are stronger then you could not feel as bad if this breaks up.

I feel hopeless. Really. I am someone who only focus on one person. I just want to leave this life

I find it mean of her that she never complained then left? Are you sure? You might not have paid attention, but there are people who expect us to read their minds.

Maybe you were too devoted, like a codependent (I was) and she wanted space... Like... The opposite of my first theory.

But you'd be better iff with someone who discuss with you. Good communication us important but she just left... Someone did it to me as a friend and it really hurt me...

Even worse if they broke with a texto... Maybe they were cheating...

The fact is... You don't need a bitch who abandon you.
You need someone who shares... Maybe she was, but now she's not right.

I hope you'll learn better self care to feel better until you find better.
You need someone who shares... Maybe she was, but now she's not right.

I hope you'll learn better self care to feel better until you find better.

Maybe but she should atleast told me that she plans to break up with me or atleast tell me what the problem is.

I am real devoted. Independent. But when i fall in love hard, it became my weakness and when i left alone, i just shattered. The promises, i looked forward to it.

Shes not a btch. Shes very precious to me up to this moment and in the future

 

[Someone123]

I feel hopeless. Really. I am someone who only focus on one person. I just want to leave this life

Bit maybe you could decide to think differently- you have a partner you are in love with but also a network of support of friends/faily, so that if the relationship goes bad this other support can carry you. YOu could possibly try to change to live this way and it could work out better for you.

 

[SorakaMein]

Bit maybe you could decide to think differently- you have a partner you are in love with but also a network of support of friends/faily, so that if the relationship goes bad this other support can carry you. YOu could possibly try to change to live this way and it could work out better for you.

Partner? She broke up with me and its very painful in my part seriously whatever i do it doesn't go away i just want to sleep forever. Ive been considering suicide for 7 months now but i am trying my best to wait for her even i feel that she wont come back...

I also dont have friends. I only have friends when im at my peak

Family? They dont want me
Im illegitimate

Thank you for your concern. I just want to sleep forever.

 

[Hollowillow]

I feel hopeless. Really. I am someone who only focus on one person. I just want to leave this life

Maybe but she should atleast told me that she plans to break up with me or atleast tell me what the problem is.

I am real devoted. Independent. But when i fall in love hard, it became my weakness and when i left alone, i just shattered. The promises, i looked forward to it.

Shes not a btch. Shes very precious to me up to this moment and in the future

Sorry but have some dignity. Rebuild yourself. Don't be codependent. Become stable. Then you can date better. She left brutally. Even for an ending you deserve better.

Partner? She broke up with me and its very painful in my part seriously whatever i do it doesn't go away i just want to sleep forever. Ive been considering suicide for 7 months now but i am trying my best to wait for her even i feel that she wont come back...

I also dont have friends. I only have friends when im at my peak

Family? They dont want me
Im illegitimate

Thank you for your concern. I just want to sleep forever.

Did you want to die while with her?

Getting her back won't fix it either way... Too much pressure on anyone.
GGet

Sorry but have some dignity. Rebuild yourself. Don't be codependent. Become stable. Then you can date better. She left brutally. Even for an ending you deserve better.

Did you want to die while with her?

Getting her back won't fix it either way... Too much pressure on anyone.

Get kinder friends who won't abandon you like she did. It was cruel the way she left.

 

[Someone123]

Partner? She broke up with me and its very painful in my part seriously whatever i do it doesn't go away i just want to sleep forever. Ive been considering suicide for 7 months now but i am trying my best to wait for her even i feel that she wont come back...

I also dont have friends. I only have friends when im at my peak

Family? They dont want me
Im illegitimate

Thank you for your concern. I just want to sleep forever.

I do support choice for ctb, and if that's what you want I support it. If you still want to explore hope then finding freinds who want to be friends even when you're not at your peak could help- there are caring people out there like this.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be painful and hard to deal with what you are going through. It can certainly be a cruel existence and I understand the feeling of wishing to sleep forever. I know that it's tiring having to endure this life, especially when you don't want to be here.
I wish you freedom from suffering.

 

[SorakaMein]

Sorry but have some dignity. Rebuild yourself. Don't be codependent. Become stable. Then you can date better. She left brutally. Even for an ending you deserve better.

Did you want to die while with her?

Getting her back won't fix it either way... Too much pressure on anyone.
GGet

Get kinder friends who won't abandon you like she did. It was cruel the way she left.

Dignity? I had it while im with her but its all gone when she left me. It was a sudden breakup. I didnt expect it coming. And i didnt do anything bad for it to happen. Total shock. Im not blaming her, im not mad at her. Its just, it's a very sunny day like in middle of the day then suddenly the sun is gone and replaced by the moon instantly

I do support choice for ctb, and if that's what you want I support it. If you still want to explore hope then finding freinds who want to be friends even when you're not at your peak could help- there are caring people out there like this.

Im finished with all hopes. She knows well that shes my last try. Im very tired of life. But thanks.

It must be painful and hard to deal with what you are going through. It can certainly be a cruel existence and I understand the feeling of wishing to sleep forever. I know that it's tiring having to endure this life, especially when you don't want to be here.
I wish you freedom from suffering.

Youre the only one who understand me. Also before i signed up in this website, i always see you in the forums. Hello there

Thats how i really feel. I think thru this many times every day every minute. Its unbearable. The breakup is too much for me