Recovery is impossible

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I feel like right now, the pain is too much
Coping mechanism don't work
Therapy hasn't worked, meds dont work
I was so desperate that I decided that I wanted to end my life
I know if I tell my therapist this she'll plop me right into a psych ward. I dont want to go to one since the last time I was sexually harassed. And like every time in my life, I spoke up and reported it and they did nothing. He was left to harass more women and got away with it

I feel so done right now. I am contemplating writing everyone suicide notes and jumping off a bridge close to home

I feel like long to my therapist and telling her I am done. I dont know what to do anymore...

 

[Dead beat dad]

Hey friend, I'm sorry to hear you're in such a dark place and that nothing seems to be helping.
Your experience with meds, therapy and the psych wards sound crushing and I'm so sorry they've brought you to this point.

I agree that recovery is impossible. One user here once said something that resonated in me deeply, which went along the lines of:
We can't recover from our troubles but maybe we can find a way to manage them so they don't destroy us.
That path i guess is different for all and certainly your lament about therapy won't be lost on the community here, you're amongst friends and they will know how you feel.
If you can't talk to a therapist is there anyone else you can reach out to? I am here as I know are many others who are willing to listen if you want to vent your spleen.
There is love here friend, I know this might not mean much coming from so far away, but I hope that this can assuage at least some of the pain you're feeling.

Love and respect friend

DBD

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Thank you for responding
Yes life has been consisntely bad to me
I am supposed to call my therapist tomorrow but a part of mw wants to be like
"fuck it I want to cancel" yet at the same time I am afraid I will end my life tomorrow out of desperation

 

[Dead beat dad]

Thank you for responding
Yes life has been consisntely bad to me
I am supposed to call my therapist tomorrow but a part of mw wants to be like
"fuck it I want to cancel" yet at the same time I am afraid I will end my life tomorrow out of desperation

There is nothing wrong with cancelling your therapist, if you feel that visiting them will aggravate your condition.
The experience of a lot of users is that some therapists are useless. This is not my experience but a lot of that depended on me and my willingness and capability to engage with them.
If this impending meeting with the therapist is antagonising you do you think there is some merit in being honest (without setting yourself up) - calling them and saying that you don't feel able to meet and suggest an alternative?
I don't want to suggest anything that puts someone at risk and I don't know where you're at in your journey friend, but it could be if your are able to have a bit of control then, this might alleviate some of the pressure you're under and make for more organised thoughts.
DBD

 

[Deleted member 17949]

You're doing really well to keep going boyo. I know things look bleak, but you've made it this far which is an achievement on its own. I can't promise you that everything will get better, but I really hope that it does.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

You're doing really well to keep going boyo. I know things look bleak, but you've made it this far which is an achievement on its own. I can't promise you that everything will get better, but I really hope that it does.

I ended up cancelling tomorrow appointment with her. I feel bad. I feel without the help I might do something I regret but.....I am too mentally exhausted to go to therapy

 

[Deleted member 19276]

You are probably doing the best for calling the quits on her. As for the... Do something you will regret...
I don't know what to say, I just want to mention that the strength you seem to have, it surpasses a lot I've seen out there.
If I was assaulted like what you said, I would have ended up probably dying long ago.
I am really sorry for being so empty worded... But the therapist, screw her honestly!
She is nothing compared to the warrior you are. :(
If it means finding peace of some sort, screw the appointment!
You are the one who gets to decide when to go there and when not to. She can not force you into anything!