This is just a question I have about recovery. I am young enough (20s) and over the last few months have tried to isolate myself from family and friends due to depression. My family and friends are trying to support me even though I am really struggling. This depressive episode was kicked off by a diagnosis of Inflammatory bowel disease/ulcerative colitis last year which I have really really struggled to accept. Prior to this diagnosis I did struggle with small bouts depression on/off but never to the extent I am now (non functioning at the moment) and was always to put on a brave face and go about my life. At the moment I'm stuck in the middle of a real, bad slump. I struggle alot with thoughts of ctb and my family is aware. Part of me knows that for me I need to make an effort at recovery because if I were to ctb it would affect my family and some of my friends incredibly badly, and there's the chance it could lead to other suicides . There's also the risk of permanent damage if I fail (and I already have one chronic health problem to deal with).
But my biggest problem for starting my recovery journey, as stupid as it may sound, is wanting to die whilst people have good memories of me. Prior to the IBD diagnosis I was very upbeat and positive (and hid my occasional bouts of depression very well) and people generally liked me. My biggest concern is people having to see the depressed me in recovery or myself living on struggling with ongoing depression down the track. I'd rather die while people have decent memories of me now. Does this make sense? Any Advice? Thanks
But my biggest problem for starting my recovery journey, as stupid as it may sound, is wanting to die whilst people have good memories of me. Prior to the IBD diagnosis I was very upbeat and positive (and hid my occasional bouts of depression very well) and people generally liked me. My biggest concern is people having to see the depressed me in recovery or myself living on struggling with ongoing depression down the track. I'd rather die while people have decent memories of me now. Does this make sense? Any Advice? Thanks
