Regret

[snooperdooper]

How much regret do you live with? I have one, terrible mistake that I am forced to confront every day and every time I look in the mirror. That has kept me up at night wondering what would've happened had I made a different decision. I sometimes laugh at how much I fucked up and how screwed I am. My past self made the decision of whether or not I should CTB for me. I don't even have an active choice in whether or not I want to live, even if I had a gun in my hands it's been decided for me already.

Anybody else live with deep regret? The feeling that things could've been different had you not been so stupid?

 

[Kitsune_BCN]

I live in an incredible deep regret of dozens of situations where I didnt behave. These situations were not life/death but they were so extreme, they are even comical. Like dozens of persons searching for me thinking i was dead when i was disappeared / hiding for 3 days taking dope and not answering the phone. These situations come back as flashbacks every day, in any moment.

 

[kitkat9234]

I have so much regret it keeps me up at night. And I'm constantly reminded everyday of all my fuck ups…… it eats me up inside and can barely function. One of the reasons why I plan to CTB. I can't get past it….

 

[TBONTB]

How much regret do you live with? I have one, terrible mistake that I am forced to confront every day and every time I look in the mirror. That has kept me up at night wondering what would've happened had I made a different decision. I sometimes laugh at how much I fucked up and how screwed I am. My past self made the decision of whether or not I should CTB for me. I don't even have an active choice in whether or not I want to live, even if I had a gun in my hands it's been decided for me already.

Anybody else live with deep regret? The feeling that things could've been different had you not been so stupid?

It's literally the reason I am here. Two monumentally bad decisions in 2013 that lay dormant for 12 years. Now they are back out and destroying me financially. It churns my stomach every minute. I am so hopeful I can CTB, but if I cannot I can't even imagine my future. So painful.

 

[snooperdooper]

It's literally the reason I am here. Two monumentally bad decisions in 2013 that lay dormant for 12 years. Now they are back out and destroying me financially. It churns my stomach every minute. I am so hopeful I can CTB, but if I cannot I can't even imagine my future. So painful.

No, I understand the stomach churning feeling so bad. And like there's a rock stuck in your throat? It's like the regret manifests itself as this physical thing inside the body and u can actually feel it

 

[TBONTB]

No, I understand the stomach churning feeling so bad. And like there's a rock stuck in your throat? It's like the regret manifests itself as this physical thing inside the body and u can actually feel it

And my mind constantly tried to take me back and make it possible to make different decisions. It's so painful.

 

[w1ngedpearl]

Constant regret and self-blame are my "best friends". I know how it feels. I always do something stupid. I used to dream of living my life from the start but now I think it would've been better not to exist at all.
Big hugs for you, deep regret is so suffocating.

 

[zizzou]

I had 3 chances to save the woman I was going to marry. Life or death situation, I didn't know it at the time but I went 0/3. People say I'm just human but fuck that noise. She paid for that mistake, so should I. I failed her. Why do I get to live and learn and grow past this? I don't see CTB as a reward but rather a punishment.

 

[itsgone2]

How much regret do you live with? I have one, terrible mistake that I am forced to confront every day and every time I look in the mirror. That has kept me up at night wondering what would've happened had I made a different decision. I sometimes laugh at how much I fucked up and how screwed I am. My past self made the decision of whether or not I should CTB for me. I don't even have an active choice in whether or not I want to live, even if I had a gun in my hands it's been decided for me already.

Anybody else live with deep regret? The feeling that things could've been different had you not been so stupid?

Regret consumes me. It's not really one thing more like a hundred. It's killing me and I just want to ctb and escape. Many things impacting me but knowing I could be in a different spot right now is awful.

 

[MissAbyss]

One, I should never have gotten my dog five years ago because I can't take care for her another 10 years. Now she has to pay for it and that is unforgivable in my eyes. No further regrets.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Yes. A handful of medical decisions have left me worse off. Most days, I'm just ready to be done with it all.

 

[LighthouseHermit]

I regret pushing people away who might have had good intentions. Just don't trust anyone anymore. It's so hard when you show your heart to someone and they shove a dagger into it or run for the hills. I'm too sensitive.

I'm truly sorry if this behavior has hurt people. It's mostly not their fault. I'm just broken beyond repair. Wish I could share the amount of abuse, manipulation, violence, and just plain neglect I've been through to explain why, but there are people who might find me if I do.

Sometimes, the abused unknowingly become the abusers. Hurt people hurt people. Distrust is all I know.