forum user JJ 23/34
defunct account, working on recovery
- Jun 22, 2023
- 44
i will be looking to leave this site soon. even if i don't manage to leave, i wish to take this opportunity to thank all here.
thank you to those here and not here, especially: octopixie, kaze(woatsumete), tdf, dot, heart, himalayan and aunty dizzy; all of whom have or had, this year, individually and cumulatively, endured surely hundreds of hours of my ramblings like what is written here. all of you were/are older than myself (although often not by much), especially when i joined this site at 1X, jiangjingbeer, looking to be pushed over the edge, alone and in cxxx.
i was/am extremely broken and was/am extremely immature. yet despite my immaturity and our age gap, and despite having your own struggles (all of which were/are honestly much harder and deeper than mine) you offered me solace, understanding, real kindness to listen and offer support in the face of my incoherent struggling, rambling and lowest point. perhaps it is unfortunate i / we had to come to a place like this to find it, but your kindness and understanding to a insolent stranger, in the face of and in spite of our shared experience of struggle and/or mental health was truly amazing. i think at that time i really needed that, and i'd never really had that before.
i can only regret that i only see this upon reflection and as i write this, but i believe it is your kindness and this site probably saved my life (more than once), or at the very least kept me alive, this entire year. as someone who has dealt with suicidality for a number of years, i probably don't know how to feel about being kept alive (lol), but i do truly appreciate the kindness of all those here (even though i definitely didn't at the time). in retrospect, the kindness of yourselves, even if you might not see it that way, and this community, the space it can provide for those struggling, almost reaches awe-inspiring.
i think in the above, i just am trying to express how much i really do appreciate this site, and everyone here, for keeping me alive this year.
Thank You.
Though I cannot find the words, I truly appreciate it and I wish you all truly the best. I really hope you might all find peace and recovery, or just wish the best in whichever path that might be.
In the writing of this, I send peace to those passed on - octopixie, weedico, others whose names I might have forgotten. best to those hopefully recovering, "the elders of sasu" - kaze and aunty dizzy, himalyan - a rare source of reality here (and that skull lol), kyrok, lostboys, lain, fwompie, valky, spectre many others.
Special mentions for octopixie, ellie, who for some reason or just kindness, really believed and supported me at the time, i hope she has found peace and an end to her pain and hope (although i cannot promise) to repay that faith, by taking things one step at a time. for kazewoatsumete and dizzy, who were exceptionally kind to me at the time of Jun, July 2023, and talked me down from death (more than once). i truly wish them the best. to tdf, also especially kind to me at the same time, and probably the first older asian person i'd ever talked to about mental health, and having that opportunity was really helpful to me. i think you've taught me about myself, i appreciate you calling me out. i apologise if i've made you feel uncomfortable which i feel like i somehow have, that was never my intention. i wish you peace for the future. for chara, i truly hope she is well. i wonder if she inspired / hope she will inspire me as i move forward with my charity. for dot, heart, blanket (and dizzy), i wish good health for your future and hope you try the medicine i suggested (curcumin and black pepper) and for lobster and carac more recently.
i wish to express again how much i really do appreciate this site's kindnesses, and for me alive in this chapter of my life.
however, as i look to move forwards from this chapter, i think it might be best if it leave this place behind for a little while. nothing changes if nothing changes. please feel free to contact me on discord if you wish. hopefully i can return in happier times.
i truly wish you all the best, in whichever way that might be.
JJ
08/08/2024
song i listened to while writing this: optimism by jana horn
image: soppy but very beautiful poem about how i feel about what i've said here, sasu, suicidality, life, etc
@heartbroken12 @todiefor @Dot @kazewoatsumete @Dizzylady80 @Charaltontin @Octopixie @himalyan
thank you to those here and not here, especially: octopixie, kaze(woatsumete), tdf, dot, heart, himalayan and aunty dizzy; all of whom have or had, this year, individually and cumulatively, endured surely hundreds of hours of my ramblings like what is written here. all of you were/are older than myself (although often not by much), especially when i joined this site at 1X, jiangjingbeer, looking to be pushed over the edge, alone and in cxxx.
i was/am extremely broken and was/am extremely immature. yet despite my immaturity and our age gap, and despite having your own struggles (all of which were/are honestly much harder and deeper than mine) you offered me solace, understanding, real kindness to listen and offer support in the face of my incoherent struggling, rambling and lowest point. perhaps it is unfortunate i / we had to come to a place like this to find it, but your kindness and understanding to a insolent stranger, in the face of and in spite of our shared experience of struggle and/or mental health was truly amazing. i think at that time i really needed that, and i'd never really had that before.
i can only regret that i only see this upon reflection and as i write this, but i believe it is your kindness and this site probably saved my life (more than once), or at the very least kept me alive, this entire year. as someone who has dealt with suicidality for a number of years, i probably don't know how to feel about being kept alive (lol), but i do truly appreciate the kindness of all those here (even though i definitely didn't at the time). in retrospect, the kindness of yourselves, even if you might not see it that way, and this community, the space it can provide for those struggling, almost reaches awe-inspiring.
i think in the above, i just am trying to express how much i really do appreciate this site, and everyone here, for keeping me alive this year.
Thank You.
Though I cannot find the words, I truly appreciate it and I wish you all truly the best. I really hope you might all find peace and recovery, or just wish the best in whichever path that might be.
In the writing of this, I send peace to those passed on - octopixie, weedico, others whose names I might have forgotten. best to those hopefully recovering, "the elders of sasu" - kaze and aunty dizzy, himalyan - a rare source of reality here (and that skull lol), kyrok, lostboys, lain, fwompie, valky, spectre many others.
Special mentions for octopixie, ellie, who for some reason or just kindness, really believed and supported me at the time, i hope she has found peace and an end to her pain and hope (although i cannot promise) to repay that faith, by taking things one step at a time. for kazewoatsumete and dizzy, who were exceptionally kind to me at the time of Jun, July 2023, and talked me down from death (more than once). i truly wish them the best. to tdf, also especially kind to me at the same time, and probably the first older asian person i'd ever talked to about mental health, and having that opportunity was really helpful to me. i think you've taught me about myself, i appreciate you calling me out. i apologise if i've made you feel uncomfortable which i feel like i somehow have, that was never my intention. i wish you peace for the future. for chara, i truly hope she is well. i wonder if she inspired / hope she will inspire me as i move forward with my charity. for dot, heart, blanket (and dizzy), i wish good health for your future and hope you try the medicine i suggested (curcumin and black pepper) and for lobster and carac more recently.
i wish to express again how much i really do appreciate this site's kindnesses, and for me alive in this chapter of my life.
however, as i look to move forwards from this chapter, i think it might be best if it leave this place behind for a little while. nothing changes if nothing changes. please feel free to contact me on discord if you wish. hopefully i can return in happier times.
i truly wish you all the best, in whichever way that might be.
JJ
08/08/2024
song i listened to while writing this: optimism by jana horn
image: soppy but very beautiful poem about how i feel about what i've said here, sasu, suicidality, life, etc
@heartbroken12 @todiefor @Dot @kazewoatsumete @Dizzylady80 @Charaltontin @Octopixie @himalyan
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