Story Road to success?

[Note]

Hello. This is my first post to this community.

28M. Living in Europe. I want this thread to function as my diary. I will post here at least once a week. My ambition is to do it daily, but I do not want to give false promises. Public diary will make me more accountable to do something for my recovery. Encouragement is appreciated, but practical advice is even more valuable.

Problem description.
I am living in a home for disable people. I do not work and never completed secondary education. I am living of disability benefits.
My days are bland and mostly identical. I have nothing to go to. I offen feel like my life is some kind of useless suffering.
I am searching for ways to leave the institution,partake in society more effectively, earn money in a way that has less conditions attached then disability benefits and make my life better overall.

So, why post here when there is plenty of forums focused on recovery? I guess because I support forums free speech cause. Suicide is not my current goal, but I do not want someone to freak out and ban me in case I mention some specific suicide method. Free speech matters and I want to thank forum stuff for the opportunity to discuss this topic without judgment.

Let the fun begin!
Thanks for all comments.

Mood 5/10

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome!

 

[Note]

07.08.2024

Story.

Today i have started a big room cleanup.
This will probably take a few days.
Cleaning will help me to take inventory of all my stuff , clean up my mind and prepare it to future life-changing steps.
Also I have to get used to keep living space clean.
Landlords like clean and tidy renters much more.
This is important if I ever want to leave social housing.

Insights.
1.I have so much paper around the house, that I probably need a shredder.
2. I found a phone charger which I never used. Going to give it to a relative , which got a new phone recently.




.

 

[whywere]

WELCOME to SaSu my new good friend. I have no family nor friends except everyone here.

This site is a global family to/for me that is filled with loving, caring and ever so wonderful souls, like @Praestat_Mori and so many others. I hope that it is the same for you also.

Walter

 

[EternalShore]

hey there! :D I wish you the best on your road to recovery! :D I don't know about other forums, but people here are very friendly if you wish to talk to them and stuff~ hehe~ :)

 

[Note]

Thank all of you for being so welcoming.

08.08.2024
Big cleaning continues.
Today I was focused on sorting paper. Reduced six cardboard boxes with paper to only two.
As a side hassle I recycled some plastic bottles and received my new push-up bars, which i am planning to use for training later on.
I want to clean up my electronics from dust, but I have to get special rugs first, so tomorrow I will probably look into information on my computer hard drive. Pretty much useless data even there.

Yesterday I went to bed too early which resulted in me being awake already at 03.00 at night. Not very pleasant experience.



Mood 7/10
Nice to see results of your own work

 

[Note]

Hello.
11.08.2024

Cleaning is complete.

How we can talk about more difficult problems with no clear path to a solution.

One of those is food. In a disability home we get food everyday.
The problem is this food usually taste terrible. Might seem like a minor thing, but food is something you encounter on a daily basis and me practicaly forcing myself to eat is definitely a major contributing factor for me being unsatisfied with my life.
So why do you not cook something yourself you might ask?
The thing is that nobody ever teached me how to cook food. Futhermore, I was actively discouraged from doing so by my mother.(She is pretty overprotective in general and was just too afraid of me doing something wrong).
Also once again, if I am determined to leave the institution, decent cooking skills is a must.
So, while i am continuing to research this topic myself, I want to ask people who had to learn how to cook by themselves, where did you start?

Mood 6/10

 

[Note]

13.08.2024
Reading books I took yesterday from the library.
Now it is Matilda by Roald Dahl.
The book itself is pretty funny, but there is a feeling that I should do something more useful. Just don't know what it should be (yet?)

Mood 4/10

 

[Note]

17.08.2024
I have made rough calculations on how much money I need to move to The Netherlands.
Right now I have concluded that I will need at least 20000 euros per year.
Calculations are not complete by any means, and right now do not include one-time expenses like a security deposit for rent.
The fact that landlords routinely ask for proof of income also temporary disregarded.

Right now I do not know where to find this money, but I can always hope.

Mood 5/10.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I have the thing which I would highly recommend for you. There is this book called "The Artist Way" by Julian Cameron- which a short of study book, that includes material for 12 week course, which is highly enlightening and it gives you the basics and tips fo as a "road map". It teaches you how to go towards your wants and needs, dreams and wishes, and I needs only your own will and energy.

 

[Note]

I will also explain why The Netherlands.
The thing is I see this as an opportinity to finally get an education and find a job.
First of all The Netherlands has better rules for recognition of foreign qualifications.
I have already requested an evaluation of my incomplete secondary education by Nuffic and received positive decision.
Also they do have something called Colloquium Doctum, which is a possibility for people who do not have required diplomas to eventually enter the University, if they pass an entrance exam. This are possibilities not available in my home country.
This is not easy at all, but it is a chance for me to become a good functioning member of the society, which is stupid to waste.

Also the country is very compact. Everything is in close proximity. I have to admit it is wonderful and opens many possibilities.

 

[Note]

22.08.24
Good news.
Downsizing continues. Threw away a full big bag of useless clothes.
Bought a new small and cheap computer to replace this one. It is much more portable and can easily fit in my bag when I will eventually move.

Mood 8/10 Simply happy.

 

[Note]

29.08.24
Computer arrived.
More news coming tomorrow.
Mood 7/10 Busy day.

 

[Gangrel]

Welcome, i'm glad you are seeking recovery, if you ever need a friend and wanna message my pm's are open.

 

[Note]

31.08.24


One of my big problems is screen time.
I use computer too much. I have tried to limit screen time to a specific number of hours, but it was too difficult for me.
I even have joined some ITAA meetings. The thing is those meetings were online and at night because organized by Americans, which kind of defeats the whole purpose for me because night is almost the only time I am not using the computer. Also being disconnected from the internet kind of makes life feel even more pointless. Internet makes much easier to make connections and get interesting information.
During the upcoming days I will try to limit using the computer only to useful things and report back here. To fill the time I wiil also start exercising.

My other idea was to contact my local chess club , but I am not good at chess(around 800 elo to be precise). and unfortunatly the club is focused on competition rather then training.

Welcome, i'm glad you are seeking recovery, if you ever need a friend and wanna message my pm's are open.

Very kind of you to say that. However, right now I think public thread benefits the community more. People who just like me want to recover, can find inspiration and even pick up ideas.


Visited historical site in a neighboring city.

This was nice trip.
Mood 7/10.

 

[Note]

07.09.2024
Sent old computer to recycling station.
Otherwise not much is happening.
Mood 6/10