supergold#2
sapphic, suicidal, and stupid
- Oct 20, 2024
- 38
ugh, like i wish i even had a good reason be upset about it, truly, but by i've been abusing my supply, like, part of me thinks they were stolen (thank you lingering psychosis) but it had to be me right? went from months of taking my meds as normal to a slow and unmethodical shift to where i'm at now, just taking literally EVERYTHING differently, so maybe some of the feelings come back or something, idk.
probably should've realized what was happening looooong before the needle started goimg from poking me once a week, to twice, then just really, as many times as i could handle it. i even started shooting just plain dirty water, not really expecting anything, and definitely not looking to use it as a method to ctb, i don't know what my end goal was.
all i really know is that i've only get like 4 days of the benzos and amphetamines that i can find (because god knows my room is a mess too) (but the other 4 days of a 1 week supply of clozapine are chill, and the rest of my meds i have backups for for this exact reason), but like, fuck.
i really really don't wanna be off my meds, because i know the second i feel that crushing weight of loneliness and self disgust become fully unbridled; it's all back to square 1 and central station for me. usually first bus to anywhere.
im kinda just thinking of buying a bag of fent, but it's all really fucking weak and watered down here, it's not like i'd be successful with it anyways, but is something to do worth the money i don't even really have?
idk. not planning anything crazy. just down in the dumps/have been for too many consecutive months not to qt least put passive thought into catching the bus, y'know?
probably should've realized what was happening looooong before the needle started goimg from poking me once a week, to twice, then just really, as many times as i could handle it. i even started shooting just plain dirty water, not really expecting anything, and definitely not looking to use it as a method to ctb, i don't know what my end goal was.
all i really know is that i've only get like 4 days of the benzos and amphetamines that i can find (because god knows my room is a mess too) (but the other 4 days of a 1 week supply of clozapine are chill, and the rest of my meds i have backups for for this exact reason), but like, fuck.
i really really don't wanna be off my meds, because i know the second i feel that crushing weight of loneliness and self disgust become fully unbridled; it's all back to square 1 and central station for me. usually first bus to anywhere.
im kinda just thinking of buying a bag of fent, but it's all really fucking weak and watered down here, it's not like i'd be successful with it anyways, but is something to do worth the money i don't even really have?
idk. not planning anything crazy. just down in the dumps/have been for too many consecutive months not to qt least put passive thought into catching the bus, y'know?
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