'Rushed' CTB

[complex]

I have a methodical plan of SN and all the items necessary and a date and a buddy idea to help. But not sure why but want to OD on Amitriptyline instead mixed with sleepers and Tramadol and just do it asap and rushed and when my mood is racing as thats how i am a lot and how i feel i should go not calm and peaceful and comfortable. I deserve panic, madness and mayhem. I deserve a messy ending just as my life has become messy.
Just because it would seem rushed and messy surely its ok?? People here say to do a planned and calm way but whats wrong with mirroring the mess that is my life now and end it the same!?!

 

[ijustwishtodie]

The thing that's wrong with that is that it has a higher chance of failing. That isn't to say that you'd absolutely fail of course as there are those who rush a suicide attempt and succeed whilst there are those who plan it out and still fail but the risk of failing a rushed attempt is higher imo. If you want the suicide attempt to succeed, why would you risk it failing? Is a messy attempt really worth the risk of it failing and backfiring? If you think so, maybe you shouldn't attempt suicide as, imo, suicide should only be reserved for those who want their suicide attempt to succeed

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Rushed and not well planned can lead to failure easily. Is that what you want to risk? What kind of "sleepers" do u have? Afaik the protocol in the PPH suggests Benzos.

You don't deserve a messy ending. Why do you think so?

 

[CatLvr]

If you rush into this, and fail, it is only going to expound your pain exponentially. You don't want MORE pain on top of the pain and anguish you already deal with, do you?? I mean there are some people who believe they deserve to suffer. And suffer. And then suffer some more. Those people I understand why they choose certain methods over others -- and why they hurry into doing the deed without being fully prepared or being prepared of the consequences of a failed ctb attempt.

If you are NOT one of these people, then it would behoove you to take your time, do it right the first time and above all, make absolutely sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that ctb-ing is what you truly want -- no ifs, ands or butts.

 

[cloudyskye]

I have a methodical plan of SN and all the items necessary and a date and a buddy idea to help. But not sure why but want to OD on Amitriptyline instead mixed with sleepers and Tramadol and just do it asap and rushed and when my mood is racing as thats how i am a lot and how i feel i should go not calm and peaceful and comfortable. I deserve panic, madness and mayhem. I deserve a messy ending just as my life has become messy.
Just because it would seem rushed and messy surely its ok?? People here say to do a planned and calm way but whats wrong with mirroring the mess that is my life now and end it the same!?!

It is your decision and yours alone. Please just be aware you may survive and be worse off physically. Also forced treatment will be a possibility. Good luck with whatever you decide.

P.S. you don't deserve a messy ineffective method but I understand not wanting to over think it as well.

 

[complex]

I know the quantity of pills i have and the place i hide for at least 24 hours wld lead to death i just want to do it when in a state of mess as thats how my life now is. SN takes prep and when i did this i freaked and gagged and wasted one lot of my SN and got help so was even messier!?!!

 

[cloudyskye]

I know the quantity of pills i have and the place i hide for at least 24 hours wld lead to death i just want to do it when in a state of mess as thats how my life now is. SN takes prep and when i did this i freaked and gagged and wasted one lot of my SN and got help so was even messier!?!!

I'm so sorry I hope either way you're able to be happy.

 

[CantDoIt]

I think you should be careful, but I kind of get it - especially if you have any kind of SI. I keep thinking that maybe it'll be easier for me to ctb if I take myself by "surprise" and just do it impulsively rather than executing a specific plan.
Whatever you do, just "be careful" and try to do it in a way that isn't risky or dangerous.