nightlygem
La Joya
- Sep 27, 2023
- 185
i have been on this forum for a while, and it has helped me tremendously. In a good and a bad way. I felt less alone, less scared.
Recently, I found myself "waking up" from this dreadful mindset. My life doesn't need a purpose. My suffering doesn't have to define me. I'm a warrior, a survivor, and I don't plan on quitting. I'm still in the most painful, unbearable, and lowest point in my life. I have every reason to leave this world for good. But, I Just…. simply refuse. I want to see myself live the life I've always dreamed of. I'm young, I have lots of life left to live, given that I decide to continue living it.
Does this mean I'm fully recovered? No. I will always suffer with mental health and these thoughts of death. Some days will be better than others, and it cannot be helped. But what can be helped is what I decide to surround myself with.
I have nothing against SS. I love and adore each and every one of you. But, reading threads about methods of suicide, reading goodbye threads and reading people's last words, it makes me "relapse" in a way.
This forum brings back the voices that make life feel miserable. While recovery will never be a straight line, I would like to limit the times that I feel like relapsing back into this state of mind.
I am not leaving this site forever. Please do not delete or disable my account.
I have come to know some amazing people here on SS, and would like to check in on them every now and then. Also, given the likelihood of relapsing happening, I would like to treat this place as a safe haven to speak about these thoughts.
Much love to everyone here. Whether you know who I am, or you have zero clue and simply don't care for what I have to say, I truly appreciate you for reading this.
See you on the other side. May those who have lost their battles be at peace, and may those going through recovery find their way. May those who keep struggling, know that they have my love and support.
Recently, I found myself "waking up" from this dreadful mindset. My life doesn't need a purpose. My suffering doesn't have to define me. I'm a warrior, a survivor, and I don't plan on quitting. I'm still in the most painful, unbearable, and lowest point in my life. I have every reason to leave this world for good. But, I Just…. simply refuse. I want to see myself live the life I've always dreamed of. I'm young, I have lots of life left to live, given that I decide to continue living it.
Does this mean I'm fully recovered? No. I will always suffer with mental health and these thoughts of death. Some days will be better than others, and it cannot be helped. But what can be helped is what I decide to surround myself with.
I have nothing against SS. I love and adore each and every one of you. But, reading threads about methods of suicide, reading goodbye threads and reading people's last words, it makes me "relapse" in a way.
This forum brings back the voices that make life feel miserable. While recovery will never be a straight line, I would like to limit the times that I feel like relapsing back into this state of mind.
I am not leaving this site forever. Please do not delete or disable my account.
I have come to know some amazing people here on SS, and would like to check in on them every now and then. Also, given the likelihood of relapsing happening, I would like to treat this place as a safe haven to speak about these thoughts.
Much love to everyone here. Whether you know who I am, or you have zero clue and simply don't care for what I have to say, I truly appreciate you for reading this.
See you on the other side. May those who have lost their battles be at peace, and may those going through recovery find their way. May those who keep struggling, know that they have my love and support.
