Self confidence

[Nemy]

So I finally got help and was diagnosed with depression. I refuse to take antidepressants for my own personal reasons and I'm trying to get better on my own. I relapse sometimes and I often find myself struggling mainly because I lack self confidence. I view myself so negatively that my first instinct is to run away. Anyways just wanted to get this off my chest. How is everyone doing?

I'm struggling and its hard to be motivated to love myself everyday but for those who feel the same way, I hope you find yourself someday if not day by day.

 

[Life_and_Death]

thats awesome. not the diagnosis but the fact you are trying. i found one thing that has really helped me love myself more is acceptance. "i feel this way for a reason and that is ok"

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

it's great that you're trying to get better.

do you know what causes/triggers you to relapse?

 

[Nymph]

It's cool that you're trying to get better, I wish I had that kind of motivation
I personally don't believe I can get better and I will end up ctb ing no matter what, just sooner or later

 

[Nemy]

it's great that you're trying to get better.

do you know what causes/triggers you to relapse?

Chronic stress and relative stress. I have a bad habit of constantly being on edge which causes me to be irritable, fear anything and think of the worst. I had abusive parents so any sort of authoritative figure or simply raising your voice will cause me to tear up and send me through loop of thoughts. I've already accepted that it's part of my past but it still affects me everyday and I want to get to a point where I'm not afraid anymore or that my first reaction isn't to be defensive. Basically, my stress causes fear, anxiety and because I took too long to ask for help, I became depressed. Sorry it's a bit long but it's really a chain reaction.

 

[Nemy]

It's cool that you're trying to get better, I wish I had that kind of motivation
I personally don't believe I can get better and I will end up ctb ing no matter what, just sooner or later

Thank you! I think it's great that you are on the recovery threads. It might not seem like much but it is. To be fair, I went to get help on September and was put in a psych ward on suicide watch. Being monitored for 24h and being alone with my thoughts was possibly the worst thing but it gave me space away from everything also time to think. I genuinely think that only you yourself know how to get better even if it's not right now. I might just be a stranger on the web but I really hope you can find your motivation.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

don't apologize because of a long response.

sadly, i don't have any advice for you, but i really do hope your recovery journey continues to go well.