Story self harm isn't worth it

[Insomniac]

2 months ago I stabbed my leg in the calf area multiples times to cope with some sudden and severe emotional distress caused by my drunk father.

2 months later, I'm still limping. I refused to go to the ER because I was scared that they'd ask me how I got hurt. For obvious reasons I didn't want them to know.

I also used a serynge multiple time to draw out my own blood in the past 2 months (a form of self harm). This is probably a reason why my leg is not healing.

I started to feel sick since Sunday night and my situation has degraded ever since. I could barely move this morning and my temperature is high.

I finally went to the ER and turns out my leg is infected and I was close to having a septic shock (the scalpel I used to hurt myself was really dirty and I basically just used a band aid and didn't treat the wound).

anyway I'm now hospitalised at home and thinking about the fact that I could have died if I hadn't gone to the ER this morning. I'm not sure if this is regret. I just didn't want to risk losing a limb and staying alive. and a septic shock doesn't feel peaceful.

all that to say that self harm really is a bad idea. If you're in severe emotional panic/distress, break something of value like a phone or a laptop or a TV. Anything is better than risking losing a limb.

I hope you have a nice day

 

[Jrmull1993]

@Insomniac I'm sorry to hear your going through that. Thanks for sharing your story with us, I'm sure it will provide that word of caution to other users.

I'm glad you've gotten treatment, the last thing you need is to be in a shitty situation with one less limb.

Hoping the healing process goes well and quickly.

 

[Unworthyoflove]

hey, I see where youre at and have selfharm experience too. tnx for the good advice about rather braking stuff. wonder how one could control these outbursts better. when being in this state there is very little common sence thinking going on in my head. last time some weeks ago it started by first smashing the phone, beating furniture with an umbrella ...but then I still went to cut my arms, legs and chest. very good idea when its summer. its not easy to control that when being traumatized. I am glad for you that you noticed the sepsis coming. what a horror to lose a limb. get well soon ! wishing you a great day :)

 

[FuneralCry]

Thank you for sharing. It sounds so horrible what you have to endure, to me self harm just sounds like it would cause more suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Since I struggle to inflict any self-harm even if I want to, I think it must require something not everybody possesses and maybe some people can't help SH while others can't SH at all. I do think, that it could cause more trouble than its worth, even when doing it as a call for help. I'm sorry for what happened to you.

 

[Unworthyoflove]

Since I struggle to inflict any self-harm even if I want to, I think it must require something not everybody possesses and maybe some people can't help SH while others can't SH at all. I do think, that it could cause more trouble than its worth, even when doing it as a call for help. I'm sorry for what happened to you.

honestly I dont think selfharm is a call for help in every case. personally I did it out of a huge amount of selfhate and frustration because it was so difficult for me to ctb with a knife.

 

[Someone123]

Yes, i agree- sepsis can be very bad- some people lose some of their limbs from this, in rare cases they lose all of their limbs from this. Ctb may be worth it for some people, but not halfway measures. I hope you feel better as soon as you can.

 

[want2dienow]

it is worth it for me
i do everyday, i dont have any other. i cut not stab, soemtimes burn from the gas heta of the stove. the smell of burning flesh i've gotten used to.
i get yelled yet if caught but i dont care anymore.

 

[Forever Sleep]

That sounds like a very frightening experience. I'm glad you got it checked out in time.

I'm far too squemish to cut myself. Still, I can relate to that anger and frustration towards yourself. The closest I've come recently is slapping myself on the head/face- just to get the anger out. I guess it releases the psychological pain to feel it physically to some extent.

Do you think it will stop you from self harming in the future? I guess it's hard to stop when it is a coping mechanism. I wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

[Sick&TiredURGH]

I ended up with a burn from a hot water bottle back in March. Very traumatising experience led to my partner putting me to bed with a hot water bottle.
Had a huge blister from the hot water bottle which a Dr popped for me. Tried to induce infection by stabbing it with dirty things
Didn't get infected but has taken a long ass time healing.
I'm in the process of putting documents together to refuse medical treatment so if I do end up with sepsis or some such, I will have my ticket out of here.