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Nofaith
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- Sep 16, 2018
- 343
As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.
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I sometimes hit myself too when I really hate my head and thoughts I'll start punching myself in the face. Also used to punch things till I bled.I never did cut myself so I don't have any self harm scars.
I used to feel ashamed of myself for not cutting like everybody else. I thought that I did not deserve to be depressed or have suicidal thoughts because I wasn't like everybody else who self harmed by cutting.
I did have a different method of self harm though, I hit myself. I had really bad bruises on my arms. I had to wear long sleeved shirts or wear a thin jacket to cover it up till it faded away.
My friend once asked me to show my wrist to her, and at first I was confused when she examined my wrists so closely, until I realized she was trying to look to see if I had any scars. At that moment in time, I remember feeling relief that I did show any signs of self harm.
I never did cut myself so I don't have any self harm scars.
I used to feel ashamed of myself for not cutting like everybody else. I thought that I did not deserve to be depressed or have suicidal thoughts because I wasn't like everybody else who self harmed by cutting.
I did have a different method of self harm though, I hit myself. I had really bad bruises on my arms. I had to wear long sleeved shirts or wear a thin jacket to cover it up till it faded away.
My friend once asked me to show my wrist to her, and at first I was confused when she examined my wrists so closely, until I realized she was trying to look to see if I had any scars. At that moment in time, I remember feeling relief that I did show any signs of self harm.
I think in the last few years only one person ever asked and it was done in such a way that drew an uncomfortable amount of attention to it while other people were around. I gave an honest answer and it felt better than anything I've ever said before (and maybe just slightly vindicating to see that person kind a squirm and look like an asshole for doing that but that's just me).
ETA I was an AVID cutter as a teen and wore long sleeves and pants every day. I told everyone I was always cold. Ha. Right. It's 95F degrees out and I was wearing a black tank top. When I started therapy needless to say my therapist didn't buy into it for very long.
I thought that I did not deserve to be depressed or have suicidal thoughts because I wasn't like everybody else
It bothers me that it so deeply associated with whiny teenage girls.
it's the misogyny and ways to discredit young women and their pain but yea
Definitely a social aspect... I self harmed only a tiny bit when I was younger, tiniest little cuts in hidden places.. As if I was testing the waters. I didn't do anything too deep or noticable until I was in hospital for the first time. Cooped up with other under 18s we used to sit in our doorways cutting opposite each other and showing them then hiding it when the nurses walked past. We never got caught out and we did it pretty deep there.There's slightly noticeable scarring on the underside of my wrist. I wear bracelets a lot but not to hide it. If I'm not wearing bracelets, I don't cover it up. Also on the back of my other hand, but it's not extensive at all. Can't cover that up, and it's fairly ambiguous scarring anyway.
But most of the time I used to cut my thighs etc. so that it would be less easily visible to my mother. If there's scarring that hasn't faded, it'd be covered up by everything I wear anyway. I only started to cut visibly as an adult. I don't think I've cut myself in six months, it got boring to me. I am also a member of the punching self in the head / hitting head on things club.
I feel you. There is definitely a social component to cutting, and some forms of self-harm are considered more glamorous/legitimate than others, just like suicide. I don't really suffer from needing validation that I'm mentally ill anymore, but it's darkly humorous to me that I can inflict far more pain by hitting now I know where to hit than by cutting, but that's just considered throwing a tantrum.
Yes it looks odd but I still do it, or long sleeve shirts at least.. Haven't been out in public with short sleeves for literally 6 yearsmines are on my left wrist so its quite hard to hard, especially with it being summer i'd look quite odd walking around wearing hoodies.