Venting self harming and what it means (TW: SH)

[lookup]

i've been cutting using scissors, razor blades, serrated knives and i've been mutilating my skin with nail-clippers (i.e. clipping off my skin).

I dont know why I feel the need to do it. My current reasoning based on how i feel when i am about to do it is to train myself to withstand the pain and fear of going through with my suicide. If i hurt myself enough then maybe drinking sodium nitrite in comparison isn't that bad, you know?

I dont think its a form of self punishment either. And yeah, to some extent i do want it for the sake of "branding" my skin in scars such that even if I am alive for many years i can remind myself (and perhaps others) that i am fucked up and deserve to die.

What are your thoughts on self harm? Has it been a solid coping mechanism for you? When did self harm start becoming a problem?

 

[Lavínia]

It started to be a problem to organize. How to clean the wound, let it close, etc. Be careful not to stain sheets and clothes, not let your flesh stick and mix with the shirt. How to move normally. How many clothes can be discarded. Discomfort when sleeping without being able to turn to the other side. Limiting, I only do it in a place where I can hide it, unfortunately. I wish I could see it easier, like on my wrist. It's a worry all day long, while you have other things to do. It's a good coping mechanism when you're on vacation, but other than that it's been horrible.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

In my opinion, self harm isn't a very good or healthy coping mechanism. The risk of addiction, the need for aftercare (especially in the case of self-mutilation), and health risks make it not worth it. The relief is short and it doesn't do anything to get at the heart of your issues. I first started SHing when I was around 12. I did it to cope with my emotions and to punish myself. It got worse in 2023, when I started to cut deeper and around my forearms, resulting in me now having a bunch of hypertrophic scars. Before, I used to be a lot more careful to ensure that I wouldn't leave any obvious scars after cutting. I also used to also self harm by biting myself, digging my nails into my skin, scratching, and hitting myself. I remember biting the back of my hand so much when I was 17 that I think I might have given myself a bit a nerve damage since that area went numb. Itt has healed, thankfully, and I don't bite as much anymore. I don't SH as much in general anymore, though I still do it. When cutting, I have to be careful since my parents now know about my SH. The last time I cut was back in December. I want to stop SHing altogether but another part of me wants to continue on doing it and I don't know why. I wouldn't say that i'm addicted to it or anything. I also still struggle with feeling like my SH is not valid. I sometimes think back and wish that I had cut wider and deeper, even though I that I know it doesn't matter. I'd probably still feel like my SH is invalid.

 

[Kyotospade]

As someone who does it and has been fir 16 years , it's a addiction. Just as bad as smoking and drinking, it consumes you and ruins your body and I love every second of it

 

[_D_]

It's not good for you, and when people see the marks they will not be sympathetic or caring towards you, they will not associate with you. No one is going to care that you're reminding them how fucked up you are, they are just going to view you as a psycho and won't want anything to do with you. I guess think deeper as to why you're doing it, yeah I guess it's 'preparing you' for when you kill yourself, but really it's not going to be the same type of pain. If you plan on killing yourself I would say keep going, the scars will serve as more of an incentive to kill yourself, and self harming really fucks up your mental health so that is also going to help you kill yourself.

 

[2messdup]

I've only recently started cutting although I've realised I've been self harming in other ways since I was a young child. It's not a short term thing for me because although I like to see the blood, I also like to feel the wounds hurting in the days after (sometimes punch myself on the wounds) and I want my body to be marked with scars and damaged but I have severe self loathing issues.

 

[slinkey10]

As someone who does it and has been fir 16 years , it's a addiction. Just as bad as smoking and drinking, it consumes you and ruins your body and I love every second of it

totally agree , it does become addictive because is focusses you on the immediate pain rather than all the other shit thats going on in your mind/emotions in that moment & also your body releases pain chemicals.

In my opinion, self harm isn't a very good or healthy coping mechanism. The risk of addiction, the need for aftercare (especially in the case of self-mutilation), and health risks make it not worth it. The relief is short and it doesn't do anything to get at the heart of your issues. I first started SHing when I was around 12. I did it to cope with my emotions and to punish myself. It got worse in 2023, when I started to cut deeper and around my forearms, resulting in me now having a bunch of hypertrophic scars. Before, I used to be a lot more careful to ensure that I wouldn't leave any obvious scars after cutting. I also used to also self harm by biting myself, digging my nails into my skin, scratching, and hitting myself. I remember biting the back of my hand so much when I was 17 that I think I might have given myself a bit a nerve damage since that area went numb. Itt has healed, thankfully, and I don't bite as much anymore. I don't SH as much in general anymore, though I still do it. When cutting, I have to be careful since my parents now know about my SH. The last time I cut was back in December. I want to stop SHing altogether but another part of me wants to continue on doing it and I don't know why. I wouldn't say that i'm addicted to it or anything. I also still struggle with feeling like my SH is not valid. I sometimes think back and wish that I had cut wider and deeper, even though I that I know it doesn't matter. I'd probably still feel like my SH is invalid.

This is also true but conversely you could have ctb @ age 12 instead , which im glad you didnt....so, I would rather u sh than ctb although if there was a magic wand to stop everyones shit or, painless way to ctb that was readily available I would be pro that :)

 

[EvisceratedJester]

This is also true but conversely you could have ctb @ age 12 instead , which im glad you didnt....so, I would rather u sh than ctb although if there was a magic wand to stop everyones shit or, painless way to ctb that was readily available I would be pro that :)

I've attempted suicide several times before. My first suicide attempt was actually around 3 years after that incident. SHing did nothing to prevent that and should not be looked at as a good way of preventing suicide. A lot of people who SH have also attempted before and there are many people who deal with suicidal ideation and have never attempted before and have never SHed before.

 

[slinkey10]

I've attempted suicide several times before. My first suicide attempt was actually around 3 years after that incident. SHing did nothing to prevent that and should not be looked at as a good way of preventing suicide. A lot of people who SH have also attempted before and there are many people who deal with suicidal ideation and have never attempted before and have never SHed before.

its relative ..... & "SHing did nothing to prevent that and should not be looked at as a good way of preventing suicide"
It worked for me - Up untill now where ctb is next as SH doesnt work anymore. But SH has meant ive been on this earth a few more years & helped change some ppls lives. So... yeah its relative.

 

[Lo$t95]

Not advice just what I do. Rinse with vodka to sterilise then close wound with lighter flame and cover with bandage or plaster whichever is easiest at the time.

Yes it's definitely addictive. The reason for why I do it is stress relief and takes a lot of focus to do it cleanly and not flinch with pain. Clears your head and it's a mental reset.

It just works…

 

[Jaded_Wolf]

I engaged in cutting throughout my teen years and early 20s. My thoughts on SH is it's a maladaptive coping strategy. In a very technical sense, cutting "worked" as far as calming me down and taking my mind off of whatever stressors were on my mind. However, this was a very temporary relief compared to the physical scars that took much longer to fade away. Some scars are still visible even 20+ years later. A particular issue with cutting for me is it never solved the root cause of my problems, and the more I cut, the greater the risk I had of someone noticing my scars.

Over the years, a few people asked about my scars, and at least one directly asked if I was a cutter. I tried to feign ignorance, but I probably wasn't fooling anyone. And these were just the people who said anything. How many more people noticed but kept their observations to themselves?

 

[FoxSauce]

I did starting cutting at 19, I've never realized how hard it is to stop. I've thought about it but never had the guts to do so until now.

But my therapist says that Ive been self harming in other ways as a child , like i would insult myself when i was a kid still do or pulling my hair out of stress that I have a ball on me desk, really frustrating.

Family members ask about my scars but I flat out lie. I want to keep it as private as possible, plus is still taboo so.

The most hard it is to stop , Ive tried lemon method or Ice method but is not the same.

My therapist keeps telling that thats not a effective way but its really hard to stop.

 

[FullCircle]

I started self harming at 15. I still struggle at 33. It's not worth it.
I have scars that will never go away. I should have gotten stitches multiple times but didn't because I didn't want to be hospitalized. I had to get 10 stitches once because it wouldn't stop bleeding and I had to go to work. I've woken up in a pool of blood several times. I've thrown away blood soaked towels and blankets, rolls of paper towels, and bed sheets.
Now I only self harm once or twice a year and it's mild in comparison. It's harder because I'm married now and I don't want to upset my spouse, but it still happens occasionally. It's addicting and it only numbs the pain temporarily. It only gets worse and harder to hide.