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Harry Callahan
- Feb 12, 2023
- 233
i hurt everyone but i'm too selfish to actually stop. it would all be okay if i just stopped fucking talking to people, but i can't do it. i hate being an extrovert.
i just hurt and annoy everyone. i exhaust everyone until they don't even want to interact with me, then i come on here to complain about being lonely. it's such a shitty thing. i just want to stop feeling lonely.
i hate talking to people these days, but i need to. if i don't talk about my problems, the conversations just feel empty. if i do talk about my problems, i end up losing that person. i have nothing to offer and my problems are the only things i have to talk about, it's pathetic.
i've recently had people tell me that i mean a lot to them, and they tried guilt tripping me into staying alive. "i'll kill myself if you kill yourself" type shit. lol, none of them were close enough to me for that kind of behavior. i think they just ran out of options.
i just block people when they get too close like that. at the beginning of our conversations, i outright state that i don't want any friends; but of course, no one can really control how they feel. still, i cut them off if they start talking as if we're best friends or something.
i feel so bad, i've hurt so many people in such a short amount of time because of this. even if most of the people were just lying when they talked about feeling close to me, there were still multiple people who were being very serious.
i just can't have friends anymore. there are still a few people in my life who were my close friends at one point, but i don't consider them friends anymore. even if i haven't directly cut them off, they just aren't friends in my eyes. if they asked, i'd definitely tell them that. i feel fake, but i barely talk to any of them, even if i try to initiate conversations (again, i've exhausted and annoyed everyone). if i do talk to any of them, the contents of the conversations are pretty empty. i could definitely change this with one or two people, but i know i'd end up feeling worse. i've tried it before and felt like shit.
having friends made everything worse, making friends will always be my biggest regret. hearing half-assed "advice", being ignored, etc. all hurts when it's coming from a friend. i can get over any of that shit if there was never a relationship to begin with. i can get over exhausting a stranger to the point where they end up avoiding me, i just feel like shit when i do that to a friend. i feel bad either way, of course; but still.
i keep trying to think of justifications for everything i'm doing; i'm just trying to feel as good as i can before i die, i blocked them because they violated a set boundary, whatever—but i still feel so terrible. even if my justifications were valid, the consequences remain the same.
i just hurt and annoy everyone. i exhaust everyone until they don't even want to interact with me, then i come on here to complain about being lonely. it's such a shitty thing. i just want to stop feeling lonely.
i hate talking to people these days, but i need to. if i don't talk about my problems, the conversations just feel empty. if i do talk about my problems, i end up losing that person. i have nothing to offer and my problems are the only things i have to talk about, it's pathetic.
i've recently had people tell me that i mean a lot to them, and they tried guilt tripping me into staying alive. "i'll kill myself if you kill yourself" type shit. lol, none of them were close enough to me for that kind of behavior. i think they just ran out of options.
i just block people when they get too close like that. at the beginning of our conversations, i outright state that i don't want any friends; but of course, no one can really control how they feel. still, i cut them off if they start talking as if we're best friends or something.
i feel so bad, i've hurt so many people in such a short amount of time because of this. even if most of the people were just lying when they talked about feeling close to me, there were still multiple people who were being very serious.
i just can't have friends anymore. there are still a few people in my life who were my close friends at one point, but i don't consider them friends anymore. even if i haven't directly cut them off, they just aren't friends in my eyes. if they asked, i'd definitely tell them that. i feel fake, but i barely talk to any of them, even if i try to initiate conversations (again, i've exhausted and annoyed everyone). if i do talk to any of them, the contents of the conversations are pretty empty. i could definitely change this with one or two people, but i know i'd end up feeling worse. i've tried it before and felt like shit.
having friends made everything worse, making friends will always be my biggest regret. hearing half-assed "advice", being ignored, etc. all hurts when it's coming from a friend. i can get over any of that shit if there was never a relationship to begin with. i can get over exhausting a stranger to the point where they end up avoiding me, i just feel like shit when i do that to a friend. i feel bad either way, of course; but still.
i keep trying to think of justifications for everything i'm doing; i'm just trying to feel as good as i can before i die, i blocked them because they violated a set boundary, whatever—but i still feel so terrible. even if my justifications were valid, the consequences remain the same.
