Supersadmommy90
Student
- Sep 24, 2019
- 186
This year takes the fruit cake as the worst Christmas of my life, ever. It's worse than the year my mom died on December 17th. I'm old enough now to be able to just take it all in and really look at the wreckage surrounding me. If it doesn't get better this year I don't know that I'll continue posting in the Recovery forum but I'll give it this year and then reassess. I feel like I'm really just having to leave the ball in God's court as to how my life will turn out in 2020. Oh ye of little faith as they say. I really do pray and supplicate to the Almighty with you reading this as my witnesses, let this be my prayer, that for this year those of us trying to recover be able to regain our strength and ability to live. Some things are going to need to improve for me or God knows I'm fucking toast because I'm just not strong enough to endure certain ongoing trends... I was made a sensitive soul and I can't help but feeling the pain that is my rightful due, deeply. The odd thing is, I don't feel I even deserve to recover, I really earned my depression in life. I do want to recover some measure of happiness but I don't think I deserve to and I don't expect to, I just hope to.