SomewhatLoved
Bringing out the Dead and Searching for the Living
- Apr 12, 2023
- 145
I've been researching CTB with firearms recently, and more specifically shotguns. While doing so, I stumbled upon a link to a gore site of someone shooting themselves via the mouth. I've never been the type to watch gore for fun, so initially I was hesitant to click. However, I did as I saw this as "research" and I felt I should know how it looks before I pursue it myself. It was disgusting, but beautiful in some way. I work in emergency healthcare and I have seen exposed skull before (i.e., missing skin and flesh leaving the skull exposed), but I had never seen the inside of a human head blown apart. It was distressing in some way, but also peaceful. The man in the video one minute was pointing the gun at himself and the next he was gone. There was no struggle or SI, no tears, no apparent pain. It seemed as if he had simply ceased to exist in the blink of an eye, and that his body was left limp. I doubt he felt anything, as his brain appeared to essentially be completely destroyed -- from my education it appears to have been "performed" in an adequate manner.
I've never cared much for what happens after. I'm ok with decapitation, my body being mangled, whatever -- not like I'll need it anymore. This video really made me want to pursue this method further (it was a few days ago I saw it I'm not sure where the link is). However, it's difficult as I live in Canada. Compared to many other countries it is definitely easier to obtain a shotgun, but still not necessarily easy. You have to have two references who you have known for 3+ years (difficult for someone isolated as myself) who will testify that you have no mental health concerns and that they do not see any reason you should not be allowed to acquire/posess a deadly weapon. I have two people I have known for that time, but I'm not sure if they would even be willing to testify for something like this. Additionally, I would probably have to explicitly ask them to lie as I have an (undiagnosed but known to them) mental health history. I also wonder if they would feel guilt surrounding my death, or if they would be at risk for some sort of legal trouble as they would have possibly lied to a federal police officer or other government official and facilitated my suicide. I just wish we had some Futurama-esque suicide booth where I could wrap my mouth around a barrel and have my life end in a moment. I saw another post recently state that dying peacefully and painlessly is a lot to ask of the world as even unintentional death is usually not graceful, but I just wish we could have it. It is definitely possible with modern technology, but it is restricted. There could be suicide kits sold in pharmacies just as there is plan-b pills that come with vials of nembutal or some other potent sedative capable of causing arrest. But there is not :/
I've never cared much for what happens after. I'm ok with decapitation, my body being mangled, whatever -- not like I'll need it anymore. This video really made me want to pursue this method further (it was a few days ago I saw it I'm not sure where the link is). However, it's difficult as I live in Canada. Compared to many other countries it is definitely easier to obtain a shotgun, but still not necessarily easy. You have to have two references who you have known for 3+ years (difficult for someone isolated as myself) who will testify that you have no mental health concerns and that they do not see any reason you should not be allowed to acquire/posess a deadly weapon. I have two people I have known for that time, but I'm not sure if they would even be willing to testify for something like this. Additionally, I would probably have to explicitly ask them to lie as I have an (undiagnosed but known to them) mental health history. I also wonder if they would feel guilt surrounding my death, or if they would be at risk for some sort of legal trouble as they would have possibly lied to a federal police officer or other government official and facilitated my suicide. I just wish we had some Futurama-esque suicide booth where I could wrap my mouth around a barrel and have my life end in a moment. I saw another post recently state that dying peacefully and painlessly is a lot to ask of the world as even unintentional death is usually not graceful, but I just wish we could have it. It is definitely possible with modern technology, but it is restricted. There could be suicide kits sold in pharmacies just as there is plan-b pills that come with vials of nembutal or some other potent sedative capable of causing arrest. But there is not :/
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