Should I kill myself over misdemeanors

[dudebl]

I have two - failure to yield to an emergency vehicle and disorderly conduct.

The disorderly conduct is what I am most concerned with.

I left my six figure job 3 years ago due to mental illness. I've been out of work 3 years at 36m.

I'll never get my life back nor will I ever find a job making anywhere near that again. I live in Cleveland Ohio and jobs like that are few and far between if at all.

I break down with fear to even apply to have this follow me into the background check.

I miss the life I had, always having money. I can't see myself going on working dead end jobs to not even get by - to never have a retirement - to never having my own home or anything again.

How do I do it - I'm terrified of living out the rest of my life and even terrified living into extremely old age.

 

[persepexa]

Ex-con here. I can relate. I'll never get my old life back either. It does haunt you, having a criminal record. I haven't applied for any jobs in a while because it just feels pointless.

 

[Agon321]

No one can tell you what to do. People make their final choices for different reasons. It's very subjective.

If it's any consolation, the future terrifies me too.

 

[Worndown]

You left a good job due to mental illness.
You have a disorderly conduct ticket.
And what is so unusual with this combination? Nothing. It explains itself.
If you are currently stable, any company not hiring you solely because of this is a place you probably would not to want to work.
It might filter out you, but it will also filter out them.
Be calm and keep looking.

 

[dudebl]

Ex-con here. I can relate. I'll never get my old life back either. It does haunt you, having a criminal record. I haven't applied for any jobs in a while because it just feels pointless.

Do you have misdemeanors or felonies? Are you considering killing yourself over it? How long ago was it?

 

[dead dav]

Having been through the British judicial system due to doing something utterly stupid and apparently unforgivable totally out of character and due to mental health I can relate it took 5 years toget to court and I was dragged back in time despite having sorted myself out I see no future so except cbt

 

[persepexa]

Do you have misdemeanors or felonies? Are you considering killing yourself over it? How long ago was it?

I'm in the UK, here a crime is a crime we don't have different categories lol. It was in 2022, I just got out this year. Yes I am going to CTB because of it. The guilt and the shame is one thing but it also impacts every area of your life. I can't find a job. Nobody wants to be around me. I'm living in a halfway house with other ex-cons. Making new friends is hard because I have to lie to them about every aspect of my life basically. I used to do a lot when I first got out because I was so excited to have my freedom but now that's worn off and I just sit at home all the time. It's not a life.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this! I know your future doesn't seem very bright right now, but you never know how these things can turn out. I've been in your situation before and got my disorderly conduct dropped! Yes, dropped/ dismissed!

You say you suffer from mental illness, can you use that as part of your defense? I'm not sure what cou try you live in, but if you can get the arresting officer to speak to you before court, then please ask him. Pour your heart out and ask him to forgive you and drop this! Tell them how this has disrupted your life and it will if it's not dropped. All you can do is try and if you believe in prayer, please pray.

I almost lost my 6 figure income and life got so dark, so hard, I hated to wake up and deal with it. It was the unknown. I had went and applied at minimum wage jobs and they didn't even hire me! I had one retail store call me and hired me but the pay was so unbelievaby low.

I learned soooo much through that experience. Even once it was over, I still tried to ctb and failed, I was just exhausted with life and everyone. I still am. My best advice to you is, keep showing up to court. Nobody can tell you how this will end. If you have to add a mental health dx in your story then do it. Tell whatever truth happened that day and give the judge and idea how this felt for you! I can't promise it will work but it doesn't hurt to try. Keep fighting until you can't anymore! You know they say if you ever get kidnapped it's important to tell them your name and you have a family. I say in court, it's important you quickly establish your're not just another case on the docket, use your time to talk wisely! Create a story they can try to understand and hopefully empathize with. Tell the judge you will do anything to get this dismissed/dropped or lowered because you have people who depend on you and you aren't perfect and simply made a mistake that day.

I truly hope this gets dropped. I will leave it at that. Best wishes my friend.

 

[dudebl]

I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this! I know your future doesn't seem very bright right now, but you never know how these things can turn out. I've been in your situation before and got my disorderly conduct dropped! Yes, dropped/ dismissed!

You say you suffer from mental illness, can you use that as part of your defense? I'm not sure what cou try you live in, but if you can get the arresting officer to speak to you before court, then please ask him. Pour your heart out and ask him to forgive you and drop this! Tell them how this has disrupted your life and it will if it's not dropped. All you can do is try and if you believe in prayer, please pray.

I almost lost my 6 figure income and life got so dark, so hard, I hated to wake up and deal with it. It was the unknown. I had went and applied at minimum wage jobs and they didn't even hire me! I had one retail store call me and hired me but the pay was so unbelievaby low.

I learned soooo much through that experience. Even once it was over, I still tried to ctb and failed, I was just exhausted with life and everyone. I still am. My best advice to you is, keep showing up to court. Nobody can tell you how this will end. If you have to add a mental health dx in your story then do it. Tell whatever truth happened that day and give the judge and idea how this felt for you! I can't promise it will work but it doesn't hurt to try. Keep fighting until you can't anymore! You know they say if you ever get kidnapped it's important to tell them your name and you have a family. I say in court, it's important you quickly establish your're not just another case on the docket, use your time to talk wisely! Create a story they can try to understand and hopefully empathize with. Tell the judge you will do anything to get this dismissed/dropped or lowered because you have people who depend on you and you aren't perfect and simply made a mistake that day.

I truly hope this gets dropped. I will leave it at that. Best wishes my friend.

It was three years ago - my lawyer pleaded the mental health, showed documents of meds I was on, showed how I had just been released from the hospital due to suicide.

Instead they upgraded it from a minor misdemeanor (stupid Ohio quasi not technically criminal record classification) to a M4 to ensure I had a criminal record - because of stupid Ohio clause in law that "if committed in presence of law enforcement officer".

That sent me back to hospital for a fourth time.

My lawyer told me take a plea deal where they wouldn't give me jail or probation, just a fine - otherwise he knew if I took it to trial and lost they would throw the book at me.

 

[dontwakemeup]

It was three years ago - my lawyer pleaded the mental health, showed documents of meds I was on, showed how I had just been released from the hospital due to suicide.

Instead they upgraded it from a minor misdemeanor (stupid Ohio quasi not technically criminal record classification) to a M4 to ensure I had a criminal record - because of stupid Ohio clause in law that "if committed in presence of law enforcement officer".

That sent me back to hospital for a fourth time.

My lawyer told me take a plea deal where they wouldn't give me jail or probation, just a fine - otherwise he knew if I took it to trial and lost they would throw the book at me.

So basically the deal will be you will be charged with D.O but no jail time? Are you a 1st offender? Why won't they let this ho given your mental health background? Mental health is an excusee but it explains behavior and patterns. Is this a charge that can be expunched in a year? Im driving so not ignoring you. I will respond but give me a second.

 

[dudebl]

So basically the deal will be you will be charged with D.O but no jail time? Are you a 1st offender? Why won't they let this ho given your mental health background? Mental health is an excusee but it explains behavior and patterns. Is this a charge that can be expunched in a year? Im driving so not ignoring you. I will respond but give me a second.

It happened three years ago - so it's been decided.

1st offense - the city I live in is cruel - they like to harm people- the pd has paid out many times for abuse of people- not too long ago they paid out when they let a prisoner commit suicide.

I can expunge it but I'm afraid they'll deny it.

I met a lawyer in the hospital who was also admitted there - said their court system is unjust - had a judge make her cry and threatened to disbar her for making an honest mistake on paperwork.

 

[dontwakemeup]

It happened three years ago - so it's been decided.

1st offense - the city I live in is cruel - they like to harm people- the pd has paid out many times for abuse of people- not too long ago they paid out when they let a prisoner commit suicide.

I can expunge it but I'm afraid they'll deny it.

My philosophy of ctb is I tried everything I could before I ever attempted! If I were you i would call the courts tomorrow and ask if this charge is expunc in a year or not? If it is, I would work hard that year and get it dissolved. You say you dont work now, how are you affording your bills? If you can expun in a year then its possible to keep living life. If its not then trust me I understand!

 

[dudebl]

My philosophy of ctb is I tried everything I could before I ever attempted! If I were you i would call the courts tomorrow and ask if this charge is expunc in a year or not? If it is, I would work hard that year and get it dissolved. You say you dont work now, how are you affording your bills? If you can expun in a year then it's possible to keep living life. If it's not then trust me I understand!

I live with my mom like a loser.

I just want to die I don't want to be on this earth anymore.

Do you think anywhere worth while will hire me if I can't get it expunged?

 

[dontwakemeup]

I live with my mom like a loser.

I just want to die I don't want to be on this earth anymore.

Do you think anywhere worth while will hire me if I can't get it expunged?

I feel exactly how you feel. I have a degree and should be happy that is all behind me. In the end, i learned it's not about degrees and how much money you make, I just want to die. I hate waking up everyday and it's getting harder. Trust me, I get it and totally understand! My problem is do I risk another attempt and my license will be fine or wait for death to come? And living with your mother is not a loser! I'd love to have one more day with my mom but she is deceased. You know we all value these things differently.

If you have to take it to trial then so be it! Fire your attorney and get one that you can agree to a decision on. You know they are all friends and hang out together.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I had a couple misdemeanors back when I was 18 - a lot more serious than yours - and I didn't kill myself over them. Back when I had a dirt bike, I used to get tickets all the time for riding on roadways, eluding police (pretty serious), and a host of other reasons, and I didn't kill myself then, either. Even got locked up in juvenile detention for a bunch of successive weekends because of repeated tickets on my dirt bike. My record never impeded me afaik. I guess it could depend on the types of jobs you're applying for, though.

And, after so much time passes, most jurisdictions will allow you to either expunge your (non violent) misdemeanor record, or, at least, seal it, if that is a concern for you.

 

[dudebl]

I had a couple misdemeanors back when I was 18 - a lot more serious than yours - and I didn't kill myself over them. Back when I had a dirt bike, I used to get tickets all the time for riding on roadways, eluding police (pretty serious), and a host of other reasons, and I didn't kill myself then, either. Even got locked up in juvenile detention for a bunch of successive weekends because of repeated tickets on my dirt bike. My record never impeded me afaik. I guess it could depend on the types of jobs you're applying for, though.

And, after so much time passes, most jurisdictions will allow you to either expunge your (non violent) misdemeanor record, or, at least, seal it, if that is a concern for you.

But mine is only going on 4 years old and I wasn't a 18yr kid - I was in my 30s - that people look at say "he should have known better at that age"

 

[Pale_Rider]

Disorderly conduct is nothing to be worried about. You'll never even be asked about it, and you can still legally own a firearm. That alone should tell you all you need to know. You asked for an opinion, and there's mine.

You didn't steal, you didn't hurt, you simply had a bad day.

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Forum can't make that decision for you.