Should I open up to my boyfriend?

[Schnipsel]

I'm really unsure about this and have been ever since we got together.

They know I struggle mentally, but I doubt they grasp the full extend of things.
Of course it's a risk for institutionalization to tell anyone, but I feel like I'm just keeping a secret in the relationship which I don't like, and secondly I doubt they'd get me institutionalized.

One one hand I don't want to worry them with something they can't change, but one the other hand I dont want it to come out of the blue once I have another attempt or manage to ctb.
I'm afraid enough they'll judge me for it, as it is.

I haven't attempted since we got together at the beginning of this year and it's been tormenting me from the begging. This was exactly the reason I stopped dating people for years, but it just happened with them.

 

[Carrot]

Do you mean about suicide or something else? I hope he already know about your struggles, if not, absolutely talk about struggles and problems, I cannot imagine a relationship where you cannot tell something to the other person. Telling about suicide is your call, I would. I personally told my, now ex, about it. We didn't break up because of that, in case you wonder.

 

[usernamesarehard]

I don't really know what answer to give. My ex was also depressed and suicidal at one point in his life, so if I ever brought those topics up I knew he would understand and sympathize with me. If your boyfriend went through something similar when he was younger then yeah, absolutely. But a lot of the time when people who haven't been through this experience hear 'I want to kill myself' they immediately make it about how you shouldn't do it because it'll hurt their feelings. And hearing the lack of support or care for you can hurt.

If you know he won't have you institutionalized, then yeah, go for it. Having a partner is a great support. I also think partners are less likely to pull the 'but what about my feelings' card and try to focus on you and how they can support you.

 

[Schnipsel]

Do you mean about suicide or something else? I hope he already know about your struggles, if not, absolutely talk about struggles and problems, I cannot imagine a relationship where you cannot tell something to the other person. Telling about suicide is your call, I would. I personally told my, now ex, about it. We didn't break up because of that, in case you wonder.

Yeah, I meant about suicidality. They know I struggle mentally with depression, anxiety, trauma, and gender dysphoria (it'd be hard to hide with how many breakdowns I have and the scars all over my body, even if I had tried to), but they don't know about my sucicidal ideations.

I'm not necessarily super afraid they'll break up with me specifically because of it, but I just am afraid it's just one more thing they'll have to worry about me over and I don't want them to have to, when there's nothing they can do, cause I know how horrible that feeling is.

Of course I also have some anxiety regarding my struggles in general and the constant worrying about me, making me a burden that they cannot carry anymore at some point, leading to a breakup. And talking with them about suicide would definitely worsen that, if that's something that is actually happening. But I genuinely can't tell anymore what is a real possibility based on how they react and what is just my anxiety disorder.

Thank you a lot for your answer.

 

[bankai]

Me personally, I wouldn't. Being suicidal is such a landmine. The problem when you reveal this stuff to other people in real life is they'll feel they have to take action. That just means a ton of things. None of them are really good for you personally. You need to have the safe space to decide on your own, take as much time as you need, etcetera. You don't need to be forced by anyone else to do something. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say.

So yeah. I really wouldn't talk to them. I've grown up with a close friend from childhood. One time when I tried opening up about my suicidal thoughts, he shut me down so hard. I mean, he didn't even let me get to the point.

I remember that often, but I understand.It's a huge burden on other people. Once you let them know, they're going to feel like they have to do something. So I kind of alleviate that by letting them not know in the first place

 

[Carrot]

If we do a cold numerical analysis then doing nothing is probably best for you, at least in short term. It might backfire some day and become a bigger problem later on.

It's nice to live in a sweet lie, golden-cage-like, uncertain how he would react, but avoiding the potential pain of rejection, consequence, suffering for you or your partner.

Maybe if you tell him he would be very supportive. Especially if you were willing to work on your problems and having somebody who supports you, that would be great.

Maybe if you tell him it will make things worse, he won't be willing, able to help or something.

There is a lot of things that can happen, some are nore likely to happen than others. It also depends on your values, what is important to you.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

You could always test it. Just slowly introduce them to the idea to it. It's obviously important to you they know. And you're absolutely, right, you don't want to surprise them with an attempt, succesfully or not, out of nowhere.

I personally told two close friends. And they did nothing except be more supportive for a little while. But you're in the best position to guess how your partner is going to react.
The longer you're gonna hold off in telling them, the harder it's gonna get I think? Because then you could start doubting what they would think of you not telling them all this time.

My advise would be try it out gently. No need to go full in "I am going to ctb soon, just wanted you to know". That would overwhelm most people.

But maybe a "I have attempted in the past" ? That would keep the distance at least for that moment. Because it's a past event which does not require action right now. And it gives you the opportunity to see how they react?

I get you don't want to burden them any further. (But it's their choice to care, and I'm assuming they do it with love)
To me it would say you're serious about being honest and be a sign of competence. And that in itself can be reassuring. I think it would also depend on how sure you are about ctb. Or if you're still fighting/doubting it on some days? I am assuming because you are with them you're still doubting it at least sometimes. They could help you with that.

It's your decision and I imagine it's a tough one to make

 

[Schnipsel]

My advise would be try it out gently. No need to go full in "I am going to ctb soon, just wanted you to know". That would overwhelm most people.

But maybe a "I have attempted in the past" ? That would keep the distance at least for that moment. Because it's a past event which does not require action right now. And it gives you the opportunity to see how they react?

That's probably a good way of going about it. Thank you for the advice.