Help Should I stay in therapy?

[Rn110bg101]

I was more or less forced to start therapy by an ex-friend of mine. They told me that if I went to therapy, we could keep talking, and some other things… But now that they're gone, I'm struggling to find any reason to continue.

On one hand, this time thanks to them I found a therapist that fits my needs more, so it might not be a disaster like all the other therapists that came before; plus I'm not strong enough to ctb anyways so if I didn't go, I'd just be in agony forever.

On the other hand, I have no real reason to go. My friend is gone; it's not a psychiatrist so she can't prescribe medications or diagnose things; I honestly don't have any hopes of getting better (do I even deserve it?, plus depression is incurable); I can't be fully truthful to them (suicide (as you know) and anger issues); I'm two sessions in so they just might turn out to be a bad person… plus my friend told me that it could be years before I "love myself enough to be able to love other people healthily", and I honestly don't have the will. I can't be alone that long, I can't continue feeling constantly unloved spamming the group chat with memes just so they might react and say something.

They wouldn't notice if I stopped going, so I guess it's up to me, but I need someone's input on this. What do you think?

 

[Thinking]

I haven't been in therapy that long, but here are my thoughts on it:
1. It's most beneficial to practice outside of therapy. Therapy provides you the tools to do so, but you also have to put in some work yourself. (Even if it's something small like going on a walk one day, or taking a few deep breaths every now and then)

2. The first couple sessions of therapy aren't very productive because you're both trying to feel each other out. I'd suggest giving it a few more sessions before making a decision.

3. In order for therapy to be most helpful, you should tell your therapist what you'd like to work on. So, if you don't want to talk about suicide or anger issues, you could say "being calmer" or "being happier." Then the therapist will work with you on those skills to improve. I know it seems impossible, especially so if you don't want to get better, but deep down a part of you may have one practically unreachable wish. Start with telling your therapist that. I'm not saying that wish will come true, but you will definitely be able to take steps in the right direction.

4. All that being said, if you have tried a few more sessions, put in a tiny bit of work outside of the sessions, discussed your goal with the therapist, and you still feel like it's useless, then switching therapists or even leaving therapy may be something worth considering.

 

[I_love_to_bake]

There are some therapists that are really angels! The hard part for me is letting the love in. Often, we want to deny that people care about us for some reason.

Stay in therapy if you can, they can help you get to where you're going. But you have to decide what is most important to you. I would recommend journalling down your life goals, that's what I did.

Sorry about your friend. It sounds like youe really cared. You don't have to be alone ever again if you have the strength to reach out. Sending energy your way ❤