Help Should I talk to somebody in real life?

[First loss]

I have one person I trust enough to share with her my situation, but I am not really certain about it. Maybe my pain will be too much for her to carry or something. I do not want to bother anyone really. It just seems that talking with somebody would be nice and would help me a lot, but I do not trust a lot of people and my parents are not even on the list of the people I would want to talk to.

 

[dandan]

I feel ya, kind of awkward... damm... I sent a "I want to die message" to my mom, saying that I have no one to talk to.... she saw it, but she didnt replied :(

if there's a list, then sure, you can try to talk to someone, but in my experience people dont like to listen... "hey I want to die" messages....

a young kid I met, probably in his 20's
he says that he's been where I am, that he's been in hell, and blah blah blah, and that he understands me....
haha
I really doubt it... but he says he's open to talk if I need it... would I ever feel like talking to him?

he gives me the advice to keep myself busy , and that "he talks from experience ;)" .....

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Agree it feels good to talk about suicide but it will only hurt you, the people you tell it to are pro-life and are now worried about you and want to keep you alive and might even hinder your suicide like calling the cops.

In my experience it felt really good to get it off my chest but eventually these two people I sometimes talked to told me to stop talking to them about suicide because it made them depressed and if I or any other for that matter would talk to our parents or a shrink it would only result in problems for us. Nope in this world suicide is so fucking taboo..

 

[Lara Francis]

I have one person I trust enough to share with her my situation, but I am not really certain about it. Maybe my pain will be too much for her to carry or something. I do not want to bother anyone really. It just seems that talking with somebody would be nice and would help me a lot, but I do not trust a lot of people and my parents are not even on the list of the people I would want to talk to.

Hi.
Its a bit of a catch 22 - have you confided in her in the past and if so how did she cope.?

I agree that it can be a relief to share your thoughts and get support from others.

I would maybe just test the waters and not say too much to begin with.
I have learnt the hard way to keep any plans or methods of ctb to myself as it is perhaps unfair to ask those who care about us to sit back and watch you die knowing they might have been able to stop you.
Its rare for those who have not been in this situation to truely respect and understand our choices.
Good luck .do what feels right.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I have one person I trust enough to share with her my situation, but I am not really certain about it. Maybe my pain will be too much for her to carry or something. I do not want to bother anyone really. It just seems that talking with somebody would be nice and would help me a lot, but I do not trust a lot of people and my parents are not even on the list of the people I would want to talk to.

Yes, talking to someone we feel we can trust seems nice. In my many, many experiences trying, though, it's never once worked out that way. People freak out if they think you might commit suicide. Or they can become unexpectedly and bizarrely violent. Hope whatever you decide works out for you.

 

[Kastema]

The people I told all reacted differently. My parents freaked out, my one friend was calm about it and my other friend is angy and demanding I fix myself.

Did talking to them help? Not in my case, no. They're all worried and they're suffering ahead of time needlessly. I feel guilty.

I have learnt the hard way to keep any plans or methods of ctb to myself as it is perhaps unfair to ask those who care about us to sit back and watch you die knowing they might have been able to stop you.
Its rare for those who have not been in this situation to truely respect and understand our choices.

This, so much.

On the other hand, your situation might be totally different and talking to your friend might help. But there is no saying how they'll react so I advise you to be cautious.

Best of luck!

 

[FauxEmotions]

I feel this! Don't get me wrong, I love my best friend/roommate but I just don't see him being capable of handling what I would tell him. Especially my practicing/planning of my hanging. I feel nothing but anxiety/fear of talking to a "professional" in fear that I'll just end up taking meds that would do more damage than good. :/ I'm in a weird, cruel spot in my life/brain right now.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

I have one person I trust enough to share with her my situation, but I am not really certain about it. Maybe my pain will be too much for her to carry or something. I do not want to bother anyone really. It just seems that talking with somebody would be nice and would help me a lot, but I do not trust a lot of people and my parents are not even on the list of the people I would want to talk to.

Ultimately it's something you need to decide if you're comfortable sharing such a vulnerable part of yourself with this other person knowing you cannot control their reaction. The only reason I shared this part of me with my husband was because this is one of many many things we have in common, and he brought it up first.
If you think this is something she can handle hearing without reacting negatively, and you're comfortable giving her this information about yourself, I say go for it. It's nice to have someone who listens and understands and is there to talk to when you need it that you're comfortable with.
There's a huge difference between talking about this anonymously with strangers and sharing with someone you're close to, so I know the longing for it.
I hope this is something that works out for you.

 

[neveranyhope]

I have one person I trust enough to share with her my situation, but I am not really certain about it. Maybe my pain will be too much for her to carry or something. I do not want to bother anyone really. It just seems that talking with somebody would be nice and would help me a lot, but I do not trust a lot of people and my parents are not even on the list of the people I would want to talk to.

Oh sweet friend, I understand this. I have desperately wanted to confide in someone who I know in real life to just sit with me and help me feel less alone - it's like what sponsors do for addicts, right? I have one friend who's in the 12 step program & we've been through a lot of shit in our friendship so I thought he was a safe person to reach out to, which I did today (he's been in AA long enough that he's a sponsor for people so I thought he could play that role in this moment). It turns out, unless they've experienced it themselves, most people hear suicide and immediately think, 911 or professional help, no matter how well they know you.

I wish so desperately we had support groups like AA or NA, because we know what we need is other people around us to sit with the feelings when they're so overwhelming and strong - we don't need people telling us what to do or telling us we're scaring them just talking about the thoughts.

I want to tell you you should tell someone in your real life about the situation you're going through, but I would be wary of who it is - I know the feeling of not wanting to burden someone. the only 'safe' person I think would be someone else who understands the power of suicidal ideation and the intensity of how it works its hell on us. The solution is other people in real life, who can sit there and hold our sadness with us, and sadly, our societies haven't evolved that far.

The last thing you need right now is to end up in a cold concrete sterile room chained to a bed desperate to be freed, because nobody there treats you like a person. I am praying there is someone compassionate and understanding in your life who can be there with you.

I'm right there with you on not being able to discuss with parents. My relationship with mine is fraught at best - my mother was my primary abuser growing up and my father turned a blind eye. They implicitly acknowledge that my experience was real, but they still wish I'd just "get over it." My sister knew I was feeling very dangerously dark last week and sent an email saying she and my mom could fly out for the weekend if I wanted but I declined the offer because I cannot see my mother without having a panic attack. So they were going to fly out here to be with me, but when I said no, I didn't even get a single phone call, text, nothing.

The only people who understand are us, the walking dead, the ones who have experienced this pain and understand how it works. I've lately started calling suicidal ideation an autoimmune disorder of the brain - it's attacking the host, you, us. I think the 'flares' when we're in the acute phase of it can be survived if we have the right people in place - and the right people are non-judgmental, understanding, and compassionate.

I pray you will find someone like that in real life. It's other people who largely have driven us to this place - mistreatment by fellow humans is a punishment worse than death - but sadly, it's only other people who will save us in these moments.

Holding your heart in my arms.

 

[Santiago]

Agree it feels good to talk about suicide but it will only hurt you, the people you tell it to are pro-life and are now worried about you and want to keep you alive and might even hinder your suicide like calling the cops.

In my experience it felt really good to get it off my chest but eventually these two people I sometimes talked to told me to stop talking to them about suicide because it made them depressed and if I or any other for that matter would talk to our parents or a shrink it would only result in problems for us. Nope in this world suicide is so fucking taboo..

Not all people are pro-life. I told my father for example and he reacted very positively.

 

[dandan]

My father had an excellent way to deal with this:

Me:. Dad, I want to die, I don't want to live any longer
Dad: What?
Me: yeah , dad I feel like killing myself.
Dad: listen, don't call me anymore son, I don't want to hear this shit.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Not all people are pro-life. I told my father for example and he reacted very positively.

I am glad he did is is not biased at all it seems but I am have physical problems that only get worse after each passing year I can at most eat 1000-1500 calories if I try hard and that is with no school or job it´s a full time job and still I am losing weight. But glad your dad understands it would give me so much comfort knowing my parents would give me their blessing almost like dying using euthanasia in a bed surrounded by my loved ones.

 

[dandan]

I am glad he did is is not biased at all it seems but I am have physical problems that only get worse after each passing year I can at most eat 1000-1500 calories if I try hard and that is with no school or job it´s a full time job and still I am losing weight. But glad your dad understands it would give me so much comfort knowing my parents would give me their blessing almost like dying using euthanasia in a bed surrounded by my loved ones.

Damm I'm sorry , I'm relatively physically healthy, and I still complaint, and live a sub-good life. But you are really experiencing some heavy stuff, I can't believe I'm so weak, what would I be like if I ... Well I eat 1000 Cal a day or maybe little more but because I don't get hungry or hunger . .
I'm really skinny
But what would you say to a guy like me ?I'm only mentally and emotionally crippled, God Damm!! And I do get mad cause of this shit