Should I tell my online friends if I decide to do it?

[TinyGuy]

I have online friends that I talk to every single day. They are also not in a good state, and some of them have even thought about ctb but they have decided not to do it.

I have talked to them about the stuff I am going through and that I want to ctb, and one of them told me, "If you want to ctb, can you please tell me?"

If I don't tell them, they will know something has happened to me because I won't be typing to them anymore, whereas I usually type every single day. So I was wondering if I should tell them because they will know anyway, or if they will just be worrying about something else. But the problem is that if I tell them, they will know for sure, and it might make things worse.

What I want is just to ease the pain. I know that no matter what I do, they will be in pain because of that, but I will do anything to make it easier for them.

I'm not saying I will do it now or soon; it might take months or years, depending on when I am ready. So I was just wondering what I should do if I decide to do it one day.

 

[LukaParrot]

I think you are going to curse me... but my opinion:

YES: Even if they are only online friends, some of them really may give you a different perpective of life, change your mind, two minds things better than one right? Sometimes our problems are not so big but we keep ruminating and it's really a pain. It can save you, talk always help!

NO: Somehow they can manage to locate you and call for help and depending on what you decided to do, my lead to a life long term consequences, severe sequels to be found a little late, you will be alive but in worst shape.

Hey... remember, have your own opinion about your life, about what you are doing, even so called friends can also be a bad influence. If you need a break from life, do it. Travel, dont need to do fancy stuff, if you live with your parents, ask for assistance, dont be afraid of taking treatment, prescribed drugs. Have a pet if you can, a dog is a man's best friend, believe me.

 

[JustHere1]

I informed one of my friends but nobody else - he helped me handle the household stuff (I wanted to send certain things somewhere, donate other things) - I was so physically damaged (some days I can't walk well from my injuries) I was having a hard time keeping up. Now all my stuff is out of the house and sent off where I want it, I'm working off one rotating pile of clothes, finishing off my food, and waiting for Go.

In regards to telling folks, I'd only discuss with folks that don't know your location or can't access it. I deleted my Facebook and privatized my identity online. This one worked out well and I was able to explain the situation and have someone to spend time with in advance, which helps for mourning. And honestly there is not much need for grieving as I'll probably be down to hang post mortem, it's just like a trip out of the country for me. It eased both of our minds.

Essentially, I would only tell people if it eases your mind and is safe for you to do. Otherwise, leave messages and convos for them to read after your death. A video diary is something I considered.

 

[NeverHis]

It really depends. It would proably be better to schedule an email that you can cancel in case of failure, to be sent like a week after the fact. That way they can't stop you, as it will be too late, and you will have managed to say goodbye.

 

[princexhhn]

They're still your friends, they deserve to know one way or another if you actually care about them or wish for them to know. Either tell them or leave something like a.. planned message? Scheduled message? Something to let them know you're gone. I think they should have a chance to say something before you go, or try changing your mind even if you think it won't work, but that's just my opinion. In the end, do what you want. Honestly, though, if you just leave it to interpretation they might just have more questions than answers, which may not be ideal.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it depends really. Are any of them likely to call the authorities? That's the main practical worry really. That they could well think they are doing the right thing in preventing your attempt.

I agree with others, that scheduled messages to go out afterwards would be good. I'm really not sure about beforehand. I understand that it might feel kinder to prepare them but, like you say- any of us could back out of an attempt- in which case, they panicked for nothing. Or, you might feel pressured into doing it after telling people- even if it turns out, you don't actually feel ready.

I think I'd lean towards no personally but, you know your friends best. Definitely people who've had ideation themselves I imagine would be more understanding but- will they then tell others? It's quite a thing to bear alone.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Do they actually know your real whole name and exactly where you live? If not I would guess it would be safe. As others said scheduled emails would probably be best.

I know it's not the same but i had a friend I mostly just texted with. It wasn't that often but when he didn't reply to my happy birthday text I just got that feeling. Googled him and found his obituary that he had ctb. I knew he wasn't happy but I didn't think he would go that far. Really sad.
If he had actually told me before, the most I could have done if I wanted to tell authorities is give his full name and city. I have no idea what I would have done if I had known.
Ultimately I guess it just depends on how much they know about you.

 

[Romanticize]

NO, never : I was kidding on some forum (and this forum is dedicated to people with mental problems, drug addictions etc, and its not even serious- many posts there are jokes, trolls etc). It is a small forum, where we all know and trust eachother.

But when I posted something even remotely close (in joking manner) that maybe i should ctb?

guess what, 30min later police and ambulance with sirens went thru my door, crashing. They saw me in bed, questioned me for very long, took my phone and reviewed the messages, I barely convinced them that it was a joke and im under psychiatric care, i take meds etc.

It was a miracle that they didnt take me to psych ward.
(I know how easy it is to be locked there- I was locked in psych ward twice, both after cutting myself, both against my will).

The guys from the forum didnt even know my address, they just provided them website and nick, and the police probably ip+geolocated it and they were at my home within 30mins. In fucking central/eastern eu, I suppose in west eu or states or canada it could be even faster.


so, NO, do not Ever tell anyone abt your ctb plans. Even if someone is (truly) your friend, you dont know their 100% honest beliefs. People have different moral views.

 

[Euthanza]

I have online friends that I talk to every single day. They are also not in a good state, and some of them have even thought about ctb but they have decided not to do it.

I have talked to them about the stuff I am going through and that I want to ctb, and one of them told me, "If you want to ctb, can you please tell me?"

If I don't tell them, they will know something has happened to me because I won't be typing to them anymore, whereas I usually type every single day. So I was wondering if I should tell them because they will know anyway, or if they will just be worrying about something else. But the problem is that if I tell them, they will know for sure, and it might make things worse.

What I want is just to ease the pain. I know that no matter what I do, they will be in pain because of that, but I will do anything to make it easier for them.

I'm not saying I will do it now or soon; it might take months or years, depending on when I am ready. So I was just wondering what I should do if I decide to do it one day.

Only a few selected friends know the exact plan that I thought they would accept and respect me; I don't want my plan ruined by anyone. But most people that interact with me know that I'm suicidal.