SI desensitization

[theshund]

SI is a bitch. I've started a desensitization program and wanted to share it as it seems to be working:

Start week 1: stand on a high place every day and try to jump. Can't, won't, too scary. But as the week went on, the fear of heights diminished. I started small and built up to a five story car park, then a high bridge (Bristol suspension bridge, it's really high).

Week 2: high diving into water. Started off the side of the pool then progressed to higher diving platforms. There were three levels. The highest was very scary but no limits to how often I could repeat and desensitize myself.

Week 3: bungee jump. Failed first two attempts. Succeeded third. Was exhilarating but made me realise how terrifying it would be without the cord.

Week 4: jumped out of a plane three times with a parachute. The first time it felt like an impossible thing to contemplate but the instructor just made me do it basically. I was strapped to him and kind of drew on his absolute confidence. Second time jumped with instructor again. Third time jumped on my own but with instructor.

I didn't do this over the course of four weeks. Was more like 12 but for illustrative purposes it seemed more elegant and could be done if you had better organisational skills than me lol.

I feel I am now ready to do a ctb jump. It will be from a very high building. I'm going to do some dives at my local swimming pool as I want to land head first. I can now dive comfortably from the highest platform without fear. I know it will be different when the water isn't there but the SI is definitely being lulled into a false sense of security.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Suicide is extremely difficult. But they say it's easy . You have to get extremely brave and courageous to kill yourself. You have to change who u are or at least change mindset

I think desensitization works.

1 figuring out how brain works how to reprogram my brain.

2. Knowing the best practices for reprogramming my brain , changing mindset
3. Doing the work every day hours every day same practice. Same practice repeated every day. At least 21 days to change a habit but could be longer 66 days or longer.This is similar to changing habits.

This is very difficult to learn and figure out how to reprogram brain. It's even more difficult to get myself to do the work every day and say no to ridiculous pleasure addictions like youtube social media news videos etc

Your have to be 1 million percent absolutely sure that you have to and want to achieve this goal wether suicide or whatever. For me #1 goal is suicide asap and I have to be absolutely sure by a trillion times asap now . Then I have to believe that if I work everyday hours on my top goal I will achieve it that I includes reprogramming my brain and working hours per day getting my suicide plan ready to go

If I don't absolutely believe all these then i won't have a chance because I won't even try very hard with everything I have to do the work every day to change abd to get my method plan ready to go

 

[de_cache]

SI is a bitch. I've started a desensitization program and wanted to share it as it seems to be working:

Start week 1: stand on a high place every day and try to jump. Can't, won't, too scary. But as the week went on, the fear of heights diminished. I started small and built up to a five story car park, then a high bridge (Bristol suspension bridge, it's really high).

Week 2: high diving into water. Started off the side of the pool then progressed to higher diving platforms. There were three levels. The highest was very scary but no limits to how often I could repeat and desensitize myself.

Week 3: bungee jump. Failed first two attempts. Succeeded third. Was exhilarating but made me realise how terrifying it would be without the cord.

Week 4: jumped out of a plane three times with a parachute. The first time it felt like an impossible thing to contemplate but the instructor just made me do it basically. I was strapped to him and kind of drew on his absolute confidence. Second time jumped with instructor again. Third time jumped on my own but with instructor.

I didn't do this over the course of four weeks. Was more like 12 but for illustrative purposes it seemed more elegant and could be done if you had better organisational skills than me lol.

I feel I am now ready to do a ctb jump. It will be from a very high building. I'm going to do some dives at my local swimming pool as I want to land head first. I can now dive comfortably from the highest platform without fear. I know it will be different when the water isn't there but the SI is definitely being lulled into a false sense of security.

Why not skydive and just don't pull the cord? I feel like that would not only be far more likely to kill you without leaving you paralyzed, but also have the added benefit of the beauty of a skydive

 

[kimcoffee_]

This is a lot wiser then some of the plan you see here. I wish you luck

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

Can I ask for suggestions please? From OP & others. If you don't want me to hijack or derail, that's completely fine & I can delete.
Your perspective really appealed to me, @theshund
but your method does not (I can bungee jump, I don't want to CTB from jumping).
Any ideas on how to apply your methodology to SN??
As SI desensitisation?
As reprogramming mindset?
Habit practice?
All of that, any of that?
@pthnrdnojvsc your thoughts?
This highly appeals to me as something I want to do, as preparation, it sounds like exactly what I actually NEED. Like a missing piece of the puzzle, a really freakin' important one. Find the habit / reprogramming method. Commit to it. Practice it. Feel the confidence increase to a point where it's conceivable that it will override the SI. It might be genius
I have tried the (not advisable) shot of really salty water a while back & that was really helpful to me, helped me picture the process, feel some of the nausea, like a dry run.
But that doesn't tackle the SI, which defs is a bitch & a bitch that is holding me back. Partly psychological - as well as normal SI, I've had multiple docs commenting on mine being particularly strong (not bus related) & that has increased my fear.
I'm too exhausted or stupid to think of a way to apply to SN right now, so hope you guys have ideas while I sleep . Apologies.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

This has been ticking away at the back of my brain, but I've made no progress. Brain too broken. Worse today than usual, even, sorry.
I really believe this mental preparation could be the final push, if I could just figure out HOW.
Practice, reinforce as habit, succeed,
gain confidence & momentum from success, feel capable of tackling the SI, feel capable of catching bus.
But practice what??? Make what the habit???
I appreciate any suggestions.
I can also delete my posts if considered too hi-jacky & eventually make own thread when not so tired. So, never. Oops. Apologies again, I dunno what I'm doing...I'll try & come back later or maybe not til tomorrow. Sorry.